Can't stop being jealous of husband's cousin - How to stop green eyed monster

dandelionclock30

alias*alibi wrote: »

Yes of course, definitely in some ways. But she always had a 'better' upbringing than me and had the latest stuff and got it 'first' so it goes back to our childhood too. Im not sure I wish I was her but had the security her life seems to have if that makes sense. I'd love to feel secure; that's my biggest craving of all.

You have to feel secure within yourself not from external things.Anything can be taken away from you in an instant, like a relationship or a job, house etc.
Its better to have resilience and the ability to deal with things than bags of money etc.
A woman I know was the smugist of the smug with her husband, nice house, 2 kids etc. She used to say things like I dont know what I'd do if I had to start again being single etc.I'm lucky to have a secure marriage.
Anyway after 23 years her husband runs off with another woman, she loses her home etc and is devastated. She even got friends to tell him and her kids she was dying of cancer so he would feel sorry for her and return.All this did was alienate him and also her kids. I mean its takes a certain person to tell he own kids shes dying when shes fine.
Also all her friends were not supportive either as she never gave a toss about them and just used to brag about her Ma Larkin life. She now sleeps will lots of young lads because her self esteem is so low and her friends enjoy telling others.

valk_scot

Grumpypoo wrote: »

but I will then hear about a cocktail party she went to at the Shard and just think, the last 'event' I attended was the community centre for a coffee morning.

Go on, ask her to come to the next coffee morning at the community centre with you. She might just love to be included in some local events and chances are she's not asked because everyone local thinks that she'd not think it posh enough. If she's as lovely a person as you say she'll be happy anywhere. The best thing any one person can offer another is friendship and interest, I think. I'd like to see the Shard close up, I admit, but how many people that she met there were actually friends and genuinely interested in who she was?

hazyjo

barbarawright wrote: »

Why is everyone so obsessed with makes of car? #nondriver. It genuinely baffles me that anyone should judge another person just by how s/he chooses to get from A to B

I wouldn't care if nobody ever saw my car, it's not about that, with me it's about buying something I love and driving it. If I won millions, I'd be like Jay Kay. Multi-cars in multi-garages - for my OWN pleasure. Porsche, old Beetle, Karmann Ghia, convertible Merc, Figaro... the list would go on and on. Some of us just love 'em. My next will probably be a Kia Soul - simply because I adore the shape.

Jx

trailingspouse

We all of us have two sides to us.

If I tell you that I'm a Director of a successfull small business, I drive a Jaguar XF, I live in a large house and I've travelled the world, you might be jealous.

If I tell you that my OH has been ill for nearly a year and may never fully recover, that one of my children died as a baby, and I left my last full-time employed role due to stress you might not be so jealous.

The fact is, all of it is true. Take your pick.

mrssaver_2

trailingspouse wrote: »

We all of us have two sides to us.

If I tell you that I'm a Director of a successfull small business, I drive a Jaguar XF, I live in a large house and I've travelled the world, you might be jealous.

If I tell you that my OH has been ill for nearly a year and may never fully recover, that one of my children died as a baby, and I left my last full-time employed role due to stress you might not be so jealous.

The fact is, all of it is true. Take your pick.

So true, we do all have two sides to us - the side that everyone chooses to see, and the real side which is often very far removed from what others think of you.

I've always believed that "Your health is your wealth".

jaylee3

Not gonna lie: I am jealous of no-one as no-one has anything I want.

In many cases, you will find that people who appear to be well off, with their 2 X £18K cars, and their £300K house, and their fancy holidays abroad, are so deep in debt that if one of them loses their job, they will go tits up.

The more showy and flashy someone is, the less likely they are to be 'rich.'

And the people who make me laugh, are the people who were born and raised as working class, who now have £300K (mortgaged) houses and new (financed) cars, and they think that makes them middle class. :rotfl:

They are as bad as the people who started out as working class, and think they're middle class because they've got a degree.

maman

alias*alibi wrote: »

I know how you feel OP. My best friend from school had no ambition to have a career, just wanted to be a housewife and mum. I left school and straight into work whilst she bimbled about on her YTS scheme. She met some guy, fell pregnant, got married etc and we kinda drifted apart over the years. Roll on bluddy Facebook we got back in touch and she now has 3 kids, holidays all the time, always in a London celeb spotting, always buying houses to flip them for profit and now has a 63 plate M sport BMW; oh and she's a stay at home mum whereas I can only afford one child, still renting, drive a 53 plate rover and work 37 hours a week in a job I don't particularly like. I wouldn't mind but I left school to carve myself a future which hasn't particularly materialised whereas she's never been one for a career but living the life of Riley.

I too try not to get jealous but can't help it at times. Plus her husband is very showy and puts really OTT status' on FB for anniversary sand birthdays etc about his beautiful amazing wife etc. I've had to unfollow her posts because it was getting me down and I was questioning everything about my life.

Person_one wrote: »

I think this post really reinforces the idea that this kind of jealousy arises from feeling unfulfilled or less than happy with your own life, rather than anything to do with the other person.

I think you're probably right. I'm making the assumption that the person a*a is jealous of has just 'fallen on her feet' by hooking up with a suitably wealthy man. Some people might consider that a career choice.;) Personally, that would leave me unfulfilled with an education wasted which I'd find difficult to live with. But sometimes it can be a bit lonely on the moral high ground.

Top_Girl

hazyjo wrote: »

I have a friend I've not felt 'jealous' of, but more that she just seems to have this perfect life (marriage, house, holidays, cars, family, she's very popular, blah blah and seems incredibly smug with it) but, tbh, the more I learn about her, the less I like her! btw, all her FB posts are about where they're eating out, what trip they're on, what the kids have bought/done, what she's baked/cooked, what she's sewn/created/made from scratch... and I look and think, as full as your life is, luv, there's something unpleasant/smug about broadcasting that and only that. We were out last week and she actually made a friend cry. It seems the more we all know her, the more her layers fall down.

Jx

In my experience, the popularity of people like this is often ery superficial.

I'd also say that those who are very happy with their lives don't waste their time on such broadcasts. They just get on with being happy.

FBaby

OP, I don't know the meaning of feeling jealous of others. That's because I have learnt since I was a child, with a beautiful half sister who through life seems to have got everything she ever wished for, that possession doesn't make you happy. The main reason: Most of those people end up taking things for granted, bored and wishing they could do more, but....don't know how to go about to change things because they have become dependent on what they've got. When you get to know these people, they often don't have very high self-esteem.

But even if they do, it's not their possession that makes them happy, but what they have accomplished and that doesn't have to come with money or looks.

Your post comes across as if you feel that you have missed out on opportunities, are accepting that your limitations will be there forever and will have to do with less than your aspire for the rest of your life. That's where you are wrong. You are at a stage in your life when you have to prioritise raising your child and getting prepared to have another, and that means some limitations on your career and ability to travel. It won't always be like that and there are always little steps you can take to get you closer to doing these things when the time is right.

I have been frustrated with my career for over 10 years now. I know what I want to do to change it, but until now couldn't do it because of the children and married life. I am finally reaching the time when I can start considering it seriously again and am working towards it. That's because my kids are becoming more independent and I am more financially settled.

Someone said something about being grateful to be alive. It sounds cliche, but when you start hearing more and more about people your age dying, people like you, you indeed start learning to appreciate the things you have. However, that doesn't ever stop you progressing towards what you want to achieve even if slowly. When you do get on the path towards achievement, you won't care what others might seem to have achieved.

KxMx

It's fine, and quite human, to feel jealous of others.
It's when it really starts eating you up and making you feel bitter that there is a problem.