Can't stop being jealous of husband's cousin - How to stop green eyed monster

Grumpypoo

My husband grew up with a cousin from a young age and considers her to be a sister. I know it is very shallow but I can not stop feeling jealous of her life. I try to count my blessings etc, and know that you do not really know what goes on in people's lives BUT I can't seem to stop the way I feel. Please could I have suggestions about how you have dealt with similar.

Her husband was a fairly well known sports person (not football but still a bit of money) and is now a coach. They live a lifestyle I envy even though I know material things are not everything.

Their children go to private schools, they go on holiday a few times a year to places like Bali. We only go every couple of years and to somewhere like France. We can only afford one child but they have four, and two dogs and a big house in the country. Her clothes are lovely and mine have bobbles. She has got a part time job teaching art just because she enjoys it. I don't enjoy my job. She is very pretty and I am rather plain. She has very fair skin and I do not - I know that should not mean anything but when you have had that drummed into you as the 'ideal' since childhood even though in your head you 'know' there are different types of beauty - you cling to that notion.

She is lovely and we get along but the green eyed monster is eating me up. Yes, I know there are people much worse off than me but I will then hear about a cocktail party she went to at the Shard and just think, the last 'event' I attended was the community centre for a coffee morning.

savingmummy

I think EVERYONE has a friend like that!!


My best friend has `sportsperson` DH. I`m not jealous as I know its not perfect by any means.
She often says she wishes she was ME!!! :eek:


I am jealous of most people tbh, who wouldn't want a nice house, good job, holidays and money sitting freely in a bank?
I`m happy as I am, this is how my life is and no amount of wishing is going to change it.

Person_one

I can't say I've ever felt like that.

Tell us more about you, and your life. When you're happy, you don't feel jealous no matter how much material stuff other people have or how attractive they are.

If you don't enjoy your job are there ways for you to change it, start a new career? Would you like more children?

PasturesNew

You'll be even more envious if you keep it up and in 2 years' time are saying "she's still married and I'm ..... not"

GobbledyGook

I think it's easy to look at the good points of someone else's life and envy it, and totally forget that their life has the bad points too.

People (well, rude people) often say to my cousin and I that they bet she'd swap with my life in a heartbeat because I have a nicer house and more money than she has. In reality the only one of us who'd swap would be me.

Grumpypoo

Person_one wrote: »

I can't say I've ever felt like that.

Tell us more about you, and your life. When you're happy, you don't feel jealous no matter how much material stuff other people have or how attractive they are.

If you don't enjoy your job are there ways for you to change it, start a new career? Would you like more children?

I studied for a degree in criminology, did the GDL and legal practice course but could not get a training contract. That was ten years ago and it has since 'expired'. I would have loved to be a solicitor but that ship has sailed. I am just in admin type jobs that I could have done after leaving school and am bored out of my mind. I can't afford to quit and am afraid that if I leave this job it might be out of the frying pan into the fire.

I have always had bad skin and now have some scarring. I am a bit too thin. In my late teens I was 55kg and in photos think I looked gorgeous. I was ill and lost about 10kg and have never put it all back on. I would like to look healthier but have been exactly 50kg for seven years apart from a couple of weeks on honeymoon when three hotel meals a day pushed me up to 53kg.

We may have another child but can never afford a 'big family'. I would like to travel, draw and learn languages, but due to time constraints and finances never do that.

bagpussbear

I think the problem isn't the cousin herself, but what she represents that you are lacking in your own life. I think that's always the case with jealousy.

Try looking at what you would like to improve in your life. You seem unhappy and unfulfilled.

You mention about your job, that can be changed. A dog, could that be a possibility? Holidays can be fun and different without costing the earth.

I think getting a plan of action together and set yourself goals will help get rid of that green eyed monster

Gigervamp

You don't need money to draw. Get a set of pencils and a pad and draw. Even if you only have a few moments to spare, you can sketch something. Maybe ask your OH's cousin for some tips. Ask her what she recommends.

I understand where you're coming from. Hubby and I recently went to his cousin's birthday do and everybody there was talking about having extensions built, going on expensive holidays, doing hobbies like kite surfing and buying new cars (BMW and Merc of course!). We really felt out of place as we can't even afford a holiday or short break in the UK.

However, although it got to my husband, it didn't bother me. I'm used to not having any money (we had very different upbringings!) and just let it wash over me. I don't think they're any better than us just because they have lots of money and I bet a lot of their spending is done on credit, despite their high salaries.

nic_santorini

There is always someone who has bigger and better things than you or I. People say our life is perfect, we have great holidays, lovely house,cars but we can not have children and I would swap all that in a heart beat and my job pays well, but sucks. Sometimes people forget the pain and agony of never being a mum does to someone and so yes we appear to have the high life, but it is not all rosy all of the time.

Also, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. We really know a fraction of our friends and families lives, so my advice to you, is really take a look at your life and be thankful for what you have and cherish that and enjoy the company of your cousin in law. If she is a nice person, then revel in that friendship, don't be jealous. Its a wasted emotion.

hazyjo

You know what... I think it's that we look at people like that and think 'that's who I'd have liked to be'. BUT it's not who we were actually meant to be.

I look back and think maybe I should have gone out in the City to meet some rich bloke instead of going out in East London dives, or that I should have enjoyed buying size 10 clothes more than I did lol, maybe I should have done art, music or technical drawing at school and become an architect (which obviously I imagine I would have loved), or maybe I should have a flashier car like everyone else seems to, or maybe I should have had kids in my 20s when I was happy enough with a decent man and not waited to be childless at 44...

There are so many ifs and buts.

Realistically? I'm really not the type to be a 'trophy wife' lol. I'm really not that high maintenance! I'm also not really the type to be with a 'City suit'. I'm also not destined to be size 10 and would have hated the lifestyle if I had tried to maintain that figure! I might have loved a sports car, but I'm more quirky if I'm honest and I still love and miss my two old VW Beetles, and love my pink smart now!! I'm not really a career gal, however much I try and convince myself I might have been. Happy not having loads of responsibility on my shoulders, and a relatively easy stress free job. Maybe I regret not having kids, but life takes turns for reasons. I'm happy in other respects, and I do wonder if I'd ever have had the patience for kids...

What I'm trying to say is... analyse yourself. Would you really be happy in her shoes? Really?

Long haul flights drive me insane, btw!

Things are never quite as 'perfect' as they seem. Try to enjoy the good things. If it helps, imagine the worst, or read about other people's tragedies. Helps put it in perspective!

Scratch beneath the surface and you'll see everyone has their insecurities and problems.

Jx

carefullycautious

My beautiful 26 yr old sister in law who died of cancer would have given anything to be allowed her life to see her babies grow up.

Don't spend precious time on something you may never have been able to achieve or if you did it may not have brought you the happiness you think.

Count your blessings