Can't stop being jealous of husband's cousin - How to stop green eyed monster

maman

bagpussbear wrote: »

I think the problem isn't the cousin herself, but what she represents that you are lacking in your own life. I think that's always the case with jealousy.

Try looking at what you would like to improve in your life. You seem unhappy and unfulfilled.

You mention about your job, that can be changed. A dog, could that be a possibility? Holidays can be fun and different without costing the earth.

I think getting a plan of action together and set yourself goals will help get rid of that green eyed monster

I don't disagree with your suggestions but I think there is a general feeling in society about the sort of lifestyle OP's cousin represents.


I don't want to get too political about it but I think the celebrity culture and the widening gap between rich and poor has a lot to do with it. It's like whole swathes of society just have their noses pressed up against the window looking in.


My own solution is similar to the old adage 'count your blessings' in that I try to live my own life as well as possible and also to be really caring of those less fortunate than me as they really have been dealt a rough hand. So that may be politics or charity work, anything I can do to try to narrow that gap.


It's a shame that you've missed the boat on training to be a solicitor OP. I don't know how it works but isn't there any sort of refresher you can do?

hazyjo

carefullycautious wrote: »

My beautiful 26 yr old sister in law who died of cancer would have given anything to be allowed her life to see her babies grow up.

Don't spend precious time on something you may never have been able to achieve or if you did it may not have brought you the happiness you think.

Count your blessings

Exactly the sort of thing I was implying My cousin died in his 30s leaving 2 young kids. A lovely close extended family has become incredibly fractured over the years since. Lots of underlying emotion, regret, sadness... even the two remaining brothers have fallen out over nothing. My aunt, now in her 70s, has gone from a wonderfully happy family life to a very sad one (her husband/my uncle died of the same cancer a year later. My BIL lost his best mate to it a couple of years ago. Again, two young kids.

If this woman wasn't around, would you feel something was lacking in your life?

I have a friend I've not felt 'jealous' of, but more that she just seems to have this perfect life (marriage, house, holidays, cars, family, she's very popular, blah blah and seems incredibly smug with it) but, tbh, the more I learn about her, the less I like her! btw, all her FB posts are about where they're eating out, what trip they're on, what the kids have bought/done, what she's baked/cooked, what she's sewn/created/made from scratch... and I look and think, as full as your life is, luv, there's something unpleasant/smug about broadcasting that and only that. We were out last week and she actually made a friend cry. It seems the more we all know her, the more her layers fall down.

Jx

CH27

Count your blessings & make the best of what you have.
Don't let negative feelings pull you down.

Gingernutty

OP, I'm not quite in your boat, but yeah, I get where you're coming from.

I'm in a bizarre position, where I'm jealous of all the other Gingernuttys out there who managed to cross wires on my gmail account.

Rhode Island Gingernutty lives in a beeyootifull gated private estate that Google Maps can't enter (they just drove by the gate and peeked in) and buys designer china

New Zealand Gingernutty lives by a national forest and get to see the most almighty views from her house - although she has trouble with her utility companies

Texas Gingernutty is getting on a bit, but has a scrumptious bungalow in a little cul de sac and a desert themed garden (seriously, those cacti with the arms, artfully placed rocks and everything) but has trouble with her family visiting and signs up to dubious sounding charities on a regular basis

One of two Irish Gingernuttys is a business woman who seems to be getting involved in non-sectarian politics - she's getting very involved in maternity care in the ROI and has recently been to the Dail to lobby her TD.

The other one seems to be trying to sort her life out and has subscribed to an alcohol forum and signed up for help from a panic and anxiety self help group. Not so jealous of that one, I must admit.

The one I'm really jealous of, though, is Michigan Gingernutty - she is having some major remodelling done with a huge cedar lined walk-in wardrobe/dressing room that alone, is bigger than my bedroom.

One wall is just shoes. A second is divided into space for blouses, skirts, trousers, "hats and sundries", a special 90" section for "dresses and gowns" and a third wall devoted to more shoes, boots and hats.

According to the interior designer who's sending me pictures of furniture, there's space for an "adorable little" white leather corner couch which, if the picture's right looks like it sleeps a family of six, easily.

There's the pool - she's been stocking up on Spring supplies - filters and the like and a garden she's still not happy with and is on her second set of landscape gardeners to try and sort out a few issues.

And the holidays!! Darlings!!! The skiing trip to Aspen was a highlight, she regularly visits casinos, spas and golf resorts and I get the spam marketing emails.

She and one of the Irish Gingernuttys have recently bought new cars (both Fords but they both flirted with Nissans, coincidentally) and they all seem to have plenty of friends.

Me? Socially isolated, I live in an area so rough, I'm having trouble to get anyone to come out a give me a quote let alone get any work done.

But they all have their problems - some of which I'm accidentally privy to.

Your cousin may appear to have it all, but that sort of lifestyle takes it's toll - the sports and fitness training involved, the pressure to look "Fabulous! Darling, you look wonderful tonight!!" - it sounds like a trophy wife sort of thing.

She may well spend hours looking in the mirror and never happy with her appearance either.

If you keep comparing yourself to other people, then you'll never be happy.

You weren't born her. You weren't born to live her life - you were born to live yours and do the best you can with what you've got.

Me? I've signed up to a Trading Standards approved registry of workmen who might sort out my little hovel.......and I'll carry on forwarding the emails to my idiot foreign counterparts who still haven't learned their own email addresses. :mad:

Gleeful

Gingernutty wrote: »

OP, I'm not quite in your boat, but yeah, I get where you're coming from.

I'm in a bizarre position, where I'm jealous of all the other Gingernuttys out there who managed to cross wires on my gmail account.

Rhode Island Gingernutty lives in a beeyootifull gated private estate that Google Maps can't enter (they just drove by the gate and peeked in) and buys designer china

New Zealand Gingernutty lives by a national forest and get to see the most almighty views from her house - although she has trouble with her utility companies

Texas Gingernutty is getting on a bit, but has a scrumptious bungalow in a little cul de sac and a desert themed garden (seriously, those cacti with the arms, artfully placed rocks and everything) but has trouble with her family visiting and signs up to dubious sounding charities on a regular basis

One of two Irish Gingernuttys is a business woman who seems to be getting involved in non-sectarian politics - she's getting very involved in maternity care in the ROI and has recently been to the Dail to lobby her TD.

The other one seems to be trying to sort her life out and has subscribed to an alcohol forum and signed up for help from a panic and anxiety self help group. Not so jealous of that one, I must admit.

The one I'm really jealous of, though, is Michigan Gingernutty - she is having some major remodelling done with a huge cedar lined walk-in wardrobe/dressing room that alone, is bigger than my bedroom.

One wall is just shoes. A second is divided into space for blouses, skirts, trousers, "hats and sundries", a special 90" section for "dresses and gowns" and a third wall devoted to more shoes, boots and hats.

According to the interior designer who's sending me pictures of furniture, there's space for an "adorable little" white leather corner couch which, if the picture's right looks like it sleeps a family of six, easily.

There's the pool - she's been stocking up on Spring supplies - filters and the like and a garden she's still not happy with and is on her second set of landscape gardeners to try and sort out a few issues.

And the holidays!! Darlings!!! The skiing trip to Aspen was a highlight, she regularly visits casinos, spas and golf resorts and I get the spam marketing emails.

She and one of the Irish Gingernuttys have recently bought new cars (both Fords but they both flirted with Nissans, coincidentally) and they all seem to have plenty of friends.

Me? Socially isolated, I live in an area so rough, I'm having trouble to get anyone to come out a give me a quote let alone get any work done.

But they all have their problems - some of which I'm accidentally privy to.

Your cousin may appear to have it all, but that sort of lifestyle takes it's toll - the sports and fitness training involved, the pressure to look "Fabulous! Darling, you look wonderful tonight!!" - it sounds like a trophy wife sort of thing.

She may well spend hours looking in the mirror and never happy with her appearance either.

If you keep comparing yourself to other people, then you'll never be happy.

You weren't born her. You weren't born to live her life - you were born to live yours and do the best you can with what you've got.

Me? I've signed up to a Trading Standards approved registry of workmen who might sort out my little hovel.......and I'll carry on forwarding the emails to my idiot foreign counterparts who still haven't learned their own email addresses. :mad:

Love this post!

Robisere

I have 2 children, 4 lovely GC's and a reasonably happy, comfortable life, never been wealthy but until disability some years ago I always worked. I have a cousin who lives quite a way from me, that I practically grew up with, we have always been closer than brothers. He has been married to a lovely lady for many years with one daughter. His wife unfortunately, could have no more children. The daughter has been with her partner for a long time and they tried for many years to have a child, taking IVF which did not work.

They became wealthy due to my cousin's high-powered job, but I learned not to mention my grandchildren after a phone call during which he said that he would give up all his money and his wealthy lifestyle, for just one grandchild. Then 3 years ago his wish came true, his daughter gave birth at the age of 38, soon followed by another last year. I could not be happier for them, because I remember the way his voice sounded in that call, and I knew him so well that I could almost see the yearning look that would be on his face.

I don't envy them their lives, they worked and saved for it, but I have seen my children grow up and I have been enjoying watching my grandchildren grow and develop from a much younger age than my cousin will know. I have seen things in the lives of my grandchildren that he will possibly miss: I may live to see them marry and (I hope) have children of their own. I would not exchange that for any wealthy lifestyle.

Envy is relative in more ways than one. Your cousin may find something in your life that she envies, no one knows what happens behind closed doors in anyone's life.

BucksLady

One of my grandmother's sayings was 'if you've got your health, you've got everything' and with each year that passes, I realise how wise those words are. Life is short, and much too short to dwell on things which we can't change.

good_advice

Know what you mean. People that have more than us are all around.
Yet me with my penny pinching ways and non spending are properly the happiest of all.
I hear this feed back on the family grapevine sometimes.

i love playing a game i have totally made for my family.
It is all about spending less than every one else.
It goes like this - Oh and I went on a trip today, it should have cost us 14 pounds in entrance fee's. Us just 4 pounds. I used Tesco vouchers.
Watching others pay full price make me feel a winner.

meritaten

Gingernutty wrote: »

OP, I'm not quite in your boat, but yeah, I get where you're coming from.

I'm in a bizarre position, where I'm jealous of all the other Gingernuttys out there who managed to cross wires on my gmail account.

Rhode Island Gingernutty lives in a beeyootifull gated private estate that Google Maps can't enter (they just drove by the gate and peeked in) and buys designer china

New Zealand Gingernutty lives by a national forest and get to see the most almighty views from her house - although she has trouble with her utility companies

Texas Gingernutty is getting on a bit, but has a scrumptious bungalow in a little cul de sac and a desert themed garden (seriously, those cacti with the arms, artfully placed rocks and everything) but has trouble with her family visiting and signs up to dubious sounding charities on a regular basis

One of two Irish Gingernuttys is a business woman who seems to be getting involved in non-sectarian politics - she's getting very involved in maternity care in the ROI and has recently been to the Dail to lobby her TD.

The other one seems to be trying to sort her life out and has subscribed to an alcohol forum and signed up for help from a panic and anxiety self help group. Not so jealous of that one, I must admit.

The one I'm really jealous of, though, is Michigan Gingernutty - she is having some major remodelling done with a huge cedar lined walk-in wardrobe/dressing room that alone, is bigger than my bedroom.

One wall is just shoes. A second is divided into space for blouses, skirts, trousers, "hats and sundries", a special 90" section for "dresses and gowns" and a third wall devoted to more shoes, boots and hats.

According to the interior designer who's sending me pictures of furniture, there's space for an "adorable little" white leather corner couch which, if the picture's right looks like it sleeps a family of six, easily.

There's the pool - she's been stocking up on Spring supplies - filters and the like and a garden she's still not happy with and is on her second set of landscape gardeners to try and sort out a few issues.

And the holidays!! Darlings!!! The skiing trip to Aspen was a highlight, she regularly visits casinos, spas and golf resorts and I get the spam marketing emails.

She and one of the Irish Gingernuttys have recently bought new cars (both Fords but they both flirted with Nissans, coincidentally) and they all seem to have plenty of friends.

Me? Socially isolated, I live in an area so rough, I'm having trouble to get anyone to come out a give me a quote let alone get any work done.

But they all have their problems - some of which I'm accidentally privy to.

Your cousin may appear to have it all, but that sort of lifestyle takes it's toll - the sports and fitness training involved, the pressure to look "Fabulous! Darling, you look wonderful tonight!!" - it sounds like a trophy wife sort of thing.

She may well spend hours looking in the mirror and never happy with her appearance either.

If you keep comparing yourself to other people, then you'll never be happy.

You weren't born her. You weren't born to live her life - you were born to live yours and do the best you can with what you've got.

Me? I've signed up to a Trading Standards approved registry of workmen who might sort out my little hovel.......and I'll carry on forwarding the emails to my idiot foreign counterparts who still haven't learned their own email addresses. :mad:

you know something? I actually feel sorry for Michigan Gingernutty - she sounds like she is a Barbiedoll living a Barbiedoll life in Barbies Dream home with all the Barbie accessories....................but, it doesn't sound like there is anything REAL in her life. like love, and people who love her.

my life isn't going to make the bestseller lists or a Hollywood movie - but its a real life with mostly joy and love and fun! I somehow think that these 'perfect people' are all whats on show and there is simply no substance to them.

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

you know something? I actually feel sorry for Michigan Gingernutty - she sounds like she is a Barbiedoll living a Barbiedoll life in Barbies Dream home with all the Barbie accessories....................but, it doesn't sound like there is anything REAL in her life. like love, and people who love her.

Eh? How can you tell whether she loved ones based on a description of her decor?