child being bullied continuously

TrickyWicky

sadandlonely wrote: »

its so hard to stand there though watching them belittle him. what do i do? i know i make it worse on times but i cant keep seeing him upset and knowing i cant do anything.

is it worth me notifying the school?

Don't bother with the school, they'll typically do anything for an easy life and that usually means caving in to the bullies / parents. The victim just becomes a pain to them.

I'm afraid you have to fight fire with fire. Tell your boy to defend himself. If they kick him, kick back - harder! Tie their shoe laces together, throw mud in their face, make their lives miserable. They'll soon decide not to bother and once he's started learning self defence it'll completely be the end of it.

meritaten

sadandlonely. please calm down, working yourself up into a state isn't helping anyone. you have tried the school again this week? explained to them that the problem hasn't been solved? please go see them again before commiting to something as drastic as moving home. see if you and the school can work out a plan to deal with this entire situation.
I also suggest you google 'kidscape', its a charity which gives excellent advice on dealing with school bullying and you will find guides on talking to the school, how to cope with being bullied and for parents how to support a bullied child.
If you want to 'blow off steam' feel free to PM me. I have been in your place and know just how upsetting it is.

thatgirlsam

Why did they knock for him? Do they get on the majority of the time?


Kids do fall out and name call I'm afraid, you have to teach your son how to deal with this. It's not nice though.


And the child who is his cousin, have you spoken to your sibling about what has been happening? Or husbands sibling?


If that were my nephew I'd be worried about him aswell and wanting a chat.

sadandlonely

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Why did they knock for him? Do they get on the majority of the time?


Kids do fall out and name call I'm afraid, you have to teach your son how to deal with this. It's not nice though.


And the child who is his cousin, have you spoken to your sibling about what has been happening? Or husbands sibling?


If that were my nephew I'd be worried about him aswell and wanting a chat.

i dont know why they knock for him to be honest. this has been on going with them for a while. we usually have words with their dad but my worst luck i had their mam to deal with today. we have told my ds to tell them no hes not playing with them. but hes a typical 9 year old, he wants to go out and play. they dont gey on outside of school. inside school they are in the same class so they have to get on i guess.

the name calling was aimed at me more than my son. but i have had serious weight issues since i was 15. i was bulimic for a few years. and all because i said he would be starting karate to try and stop any nonsense.

the cousin is on my soon to be ex husbands side of the family. they think mam is dabbling in drugs and her usual attitude is boys will be boys. we dont see him very often outside school, he was in the park the same day my son went down when it happened. x

thatgirlsam

Well if it were me, my son wouldn't be allowed out to play with them. Don't say 'he's not allowed', just that he's busy. And if your son kicks off.. well at 9 he has to make a decision -He either plays with them and gets on with it without running home saying they're mean or he can say 'do you know what, they're not nice, I'm not going out'


I do know what it's like when other kids are mean to yours. It really hurts. But chances are these guys will be drinking together in the pub in 10 years talking about what good times they used to have!!

meritaten

you shouldn't have said he was going to take karate hunny. now he will be targeted even more. Sorry, I should have said before not to say anything about it. Because its the 'gunslinger' syndrome - the bullies will want to beat up the Karate Kid, because they think it makes THEM look even better than before. I feel bad about not warning you. I am sorry, it used to be one of the first things I told the kids when I took them for their first classes.

you do need to be clear with your son that if he chooses to play with bullies, then he must expect to get treated the same as before. for now he really needs to stay clear until you can get a 'plan of action' in place.
he must understand too that he cant 'make them like him'. and the more he tries the worse it will get. he needs to have his own circle of friends and it looks like you will have to look outside school and even his family for that.

sadandlonely

I haven't slept much all night. Debating whether to see the school today. If i do, I will be taking my son with me so he can tell them exactly what's happening. I want him moved to a different class as I no longer want him around the two bullies. If they can't do that, then I will let him finish the term and I will move him to a different school.

sadandlonely

I have spoken to the school now, explained the full situation. The headmistress said she couldn't do much as it was happening outside school. Asked about changing classes but that was a no. He will be moved from certain groups which they were previously together in. She did say to involve the police though. I never did as his father always told me not to bother, that it had been dealt with. Which it hasn't been.

More has come out about the cousin though, seems he was bullying him in school yesterday in break time but my son wouldn't tell the teacher. Told him he had to say something so it could be dealt with.

I have spoken to one mother who he is really good friends with and their boy is going to come down once a fortnight or something.

Will see how this goes then, and will then consider changing schools if nothing changes

susieq87

it's only going to take your son retaliating to one bully for this to stop. if you do decide to move schools you still have to make sure your son can defend himself because theres no need in moving around when the same problem arises.
my mum told my little brother that if someone hits you, you hit them back, schools dont like this but they dont do anything to solve the problem either.

funny story, 2 weeks ago and a family bbq i hit my brother with a teddy bear and he walked over to me and beat me with it. i got so upset that he was so violent to me and told him that we were not going to go and watch spiderman anymore. he walked away in a huff. when he came back i explained to him that he had to apologise to me because hitting people wasnt nice and he replied "i'm sorry for hitting you but if you hit me i am going to hit you back." it was the funniest and sweetest thing and i had no come back because he was right. if i told him that he shouldnt have done it then if he gets hit by another child he wont know what to do!

have you looked into those karate classes yet? sorry if you have addressed this already!

teffers

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Don't bother with the school, they'll typically do anything for an easy life and that usually means caving in to the bullies / parents. The victim just becomes a pain to them.

I'm afraid you have to fight fire with fire. Tell your boy to defend himself. If they kick him, kick back - harder! Tie their shoe laces together, throw mud in their face, make their lives miserable. They'll soon decide not to bother and once he's started learning self defence it'll completely be the end of it.

100% this.

The school has had an opportunity to sort it out, they haven't. They just want an easy life. This is the real world with people that don't respond to reason.

I was bullied at school and I rarely retaliated. That was a big mistake, it follows you through life. Now I wouldn't stand an inch of it.

Help your child learn to defend himself, and feel confident - it's a gift he'll need for the rest of his life.

Children are bullies because their parents don't care / aren't interested. I'm afraid I would make them interested if my son (he's now 25 so he's ok lol) was being targeted.

It tends to focus the parent's mind if they know every time their kid picks on another kid (especially in a group) that they're going to get the same turning up at their door.

Bullying scum.

Good luck, stay calm if you can (it makes my blood boil personally)