No Buying Unnecessary Toiletries June 2014

rogueylawyer

Excuse me for just a second but I need to rant, otherwise I'm going to start crying again and my eyes are already red raw.

Was at work yesterday when I had a text from a family member saying they were sorry to hear my mother was in hospital again.
_pale_ Nobody had told me that she was in hospital!

Turns out she's been there for more than a week. I burst in to tears at work, settled down and carried on, then had a call from the family member explaining what had happened, we were both in tears. Went back to my desk, made contact with the hospital, carried on with work again (with the odd small crying fit) whilst I waited for the doctor to call me back. Got the news explaining why she was in hospital and what was wrong, completely fell apart and became something close to hysterical. Bear in mind I am a solicitor, working in a very emotional and demanding area of law and the most negative emotion I usually show at work is !!!!!y sarcasm or annoyance. Went to big boss's office, started crying again, poor guy looked shocked to hell but just told me to leave straight away, get to my mum and work could just wait.

Left, had another tear filled conversation with the family member, got the train home which took an hour, my wonderful OH left work early, picked me up and we drove straight to my home town (3 hours away), meanwhile I got a call from the other boss checking in on me and again telling me we'd just work it all out later.

Went to see my mum in the hospital, saw her for half an hour and just broke down again the moment I left. I've always known my mum drinks too much, but she's in the hospital with a very serious, potentially life-threatening condition directly caused by alcoholism. It's the first time I've had an external view of her behaviour; I've always had such difficulty working out whether she's right and I'm wrong or not. Now I know I was right, but with the state of her health now it may be all too late.

Didn't get home until the early hours and have barely slept, lots of stressful phone calls today about her health, the way she's behaving in the hospital, the way the family are dealing with it (I don't have any siblings or anyone else really to rely on). I've been driving myself crazy thinking of all the things I could have done to stop her, and ended up angrily unloading a significant chunk of my history with my mum to my grandparents, when they reacted with wide eyed horror at how bad her drinking has been for so long. It's amazing how people only see what they want to see.

I'm exhausted and terrified and angry and just don't know to do any more.

Dazedandconfused

rogueylawyer wrote: »

Excuse me for just a second but I need to rant, otherwise I'm going to start crying again and my eyes are already red raw.

Was at work yesterday when I had a text from a family member saying they were sorry to hear my mother was in hospital again.
_pale_ Nobody had told me that she was in hospital!

Turns out she's been there for more than a week. I burst in to tears at work, settled down and carried on, then had a call from the family member explaining what had happened, we were both in tears. Went back to my desk, made contact with the hospital, carried on with work again (with the odd small crying fit) whilst I waited for the doctor to call me back. Got the news explaining why she was in hospital and what was wrong, completely fell apart and became something close to hysterical. Bear in mind I am a solicitor, working in a very emotional and demanding area of law and the most negative emotion I usually show at work is !!!!!y sarcasm or annoyance. Went to big boss's office, started crying again, poor guy looked shocked to hell but just told me to leave straight away, get to my mum and work could just wait.

Left, had another tear filled conversation with the family member, got the train home which took an hour, my wonderful OH left work early, picked me up and we drove straight to my home town (3 hours away), meanwhile I got a call from the other boss checking in on me and again telling me we'd just work it all out later.

Went to see my mum in the hospital, saw her for half an hour and just broke down again the moment I left. I've always known my mum drinks too much, but she's in the hospital with a very serious, potentially life-threatening condition directly caused by alcoholism. It's the first time I've had an external view of her behaviour; I've always had such difficulty working out whether she's right and I'm wrong or not. Now I know I was right, but with the state of her health now it may be all too late.

Didn't get home until the early hours and have barely slept, lots of stressful phone calls today about her health, the way she's behaving in the hospital, the way the family are dealing with it (I don't have any siblings or anyone else really to rely on). I've been driving myself crazy thinking of all the things I could have done to stop her, and ended up angrily unloading a significant chunk of my history with my mum to my grandparents, when they reacted with wide eyed horror at how bad her drinking has been for so long. It's amazing how people only see what they want to see.

I'm exhausted and terrified and angry and just don't know to do any more.

This forum needs a big hugs smilie.
Not a lot we can say but I'm here to listen if you want to vent

Alcoholism is awful.

maddiemay

Oh Roquey I am so sorry for what you are going through and feeling right now, not much I can say to help, but I am thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts in your direction.

I recently was told that someone that I had been close to for 15 years (not in a romantic way) until 4 years ago (geographical and work changes) had only a short while to live due to alchohol related illness, I have also lost a mature friend to anorexia related major illnesses, one thing I am positive about is that there is absolutely nothing that any family member of friend (and goodness knows people tried) could have done to change the outcome in either case, it is sad and hard, but the only person that can help the sufferer is them self.
Take care and let others support you as best they can.
MM xxx

InaPickle

Hi Roguey,


Blimey. I'm so sorry to hear about this awful situation. Who is your mum's next of kin for medical purposes? Why did nobody tell you for a week?!


I don't know what else to say except your phrase 'I've been driving myself crazy thinking of all the things I could have done to stop her' is so very sad. Honey, unfortunately you can't do anything to stop an addict. He/she has to come to the realisation that it is for them to stop and change their behaviour - if they want.


I know that's no help to you under the present circumstances as you love your mum and would do anything to see her well, but you are not responsible for her choices about alcohol and can do nothing to change them. You can be there for her now and help her as much as you can, but please do not beat yourself up about something it is not in your power to change. You do not deserve to carry that guilt.


All the very best to you and your mum. I sincerely hope that she gets better.


Be kind to yourself in the meantime and please keep us informed.


All my love,


Pickle
xoxox

dolly84

Roguey - how awful, thinking of you, don't blame yourself.

dolly84

maddiemay - happy birthday, hope you had a good day.

FizzWhizz - lucky you with the perfume, Chance is lovely. Hope the swimsuit issue is resolved, our young girls are subjected to half naked celebrities all the time and must think its the norm. I was at the gym one day last week, the gym is attached to a secondary school and a group of girls and a group of boys were out on the playing fields, two of the girls were pulling their shorts up so they exposed their bums in front of the boys - they seemed to think it was good fun, I was mortified thinking about my 10 year old moving up school next year and thinking this was OK.

KT2802 - well done with cutting back on the ins, I think I was one of the worst over buyers on this thread and if I can change anyone can. I'm really enjoying using what I already have and not feeling guilty and overwhelmed about all the new stuff.

Welcome newbies.

No uu for me to report, not sure if there will be any more for June now.

Clutterfree

Hi All.
Thanks for your posts and PMs. Means a lot.

I've not been here for a few weeks so there's far too much to catch up on so I hope you all are well.
I have read the last page and Roguey I am so sorry about your mum. Huge hugs. All I can say is that you can't blame yourself for anything. My MIL is an alcoholic and unfortunately the drink takes priority over everything and everyone, we can beg all we want but nothing will change unless they want it to. I swore I'd never give up trying to get her some help but in the end, for my own sanity, I like others before me, had to admit defeat. By all means, PM me if you want a chat. Take care. Oh and her father also turned a blind eye to the problem as well. Perhaps it is easier for them I don't know.

I've no idea on my UUs so will have to go through my list and see what I no longer have in my stash. I think I've only 2 ins that I can recall.

Body Shop Vitamin E mist.
Body Shop vitamin E oil.

Take care all.
CF xx

KT2802

Roguey I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Awful the way you found out she was in hospital too

I hope your mum is out of hospital soon. I would echo what other people have said though - it's not your fault and there is nothing you could have done about your mum's drinking. Please be kind to yourself. I hope your OH is looking after you well.

KT2802

Lovely to see you clutterfree

Thanks dolly - I am hoping that my unnecessary shopping habits are cured! Makes me sad to hear about the young girls pulling up their shorts to show their bum cheeks to the boys. I would not want to be a teenager now a days - the pressure to look a certain way is huge.

My legs are so itchy! I always get itchy legs a few days after shaving them. Anyone have any ideas about what might help?

VALM

Hi ladies,

Am slowly catching up on the thread. Been so busy with work lately (even though I keep trying to read the thread there but keep getting interrupted as I'm at my desk!!) and busy getting Emma through her GCSE's, looking for summer work and getting ready for prom. Emma has now finished all her exams and finished school. Now is spending time attending Taster days at the colleges she has applied to. Not sure when I will get to post again as this week is another busy one but anyway as usual you will all see a flurry of messages from me and then nothing for weeks (bit like buses).

And: So sorry to hear about the burglary.

Welcome tammyb.

dolly84 wrote: »

S&G Orangasm Shower Cream 500ml. This will go with my Clarins Eau Dynamissante for summer as they smell the same.

I really fancy trying this. Maybe I'll look out for offers at Boots and try some.