Akward Situation...

quidsy

tea_lover wrote: »

Genuine question.... what obvious reason? Sorry if I'm being dense!

I think (hope) it was a bit of light hearted humour :cool:

CH27

BunnieJ wrote: »

My OH knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me. I'm quite sure he would have run a mile by now if he was bothered by the way I run my personal finances! :rotfl:

As I mentioned (countless times, I might add!) in my previous thread, I was upset and angry and needed to let off some steam. The issue over my pay being incorrect for several months was resolved and we set up a joint account for our bills. I've never been in "debt" and don't intend to be! I've paid my OH back for the festival ticket he bought me and I'm paying him back my half of the moving costs each month.

If we got married and for some reason I decided to become a crazed spendaholic and run up huge debts, how would he have known I'd do that?

In regard to his parents getting divorced - seeing that the topic has moved onto housework - his mum moved out of their family home and he lived with his dad from around 14/15 years old. I stayed at his house regularly and it was never untidy or unclean. Ok, it may not have been up to the cleanliness standards of my parents (mum's a clean freak!) but it was in a perfectly normal state of living.

What I don't really understand is my OH pretty much did his own cooking/washing/cleaning/buying toiletries etc from his teens without any issue, but now he seems to have reverted to letting me do it all! :eek: His mother never did everything for him, so I don't see why he assumes I will...

We both work full-time and he always says he's willing to split the chores 50/50, but usually it ends up with me getting fed up and doing them or having to constantly nag him! I don't want to become the "nagging GF"

As much as times are changing (I'll wait for more stories of men doing the chores to disprove me) I think the majority of women are still expected to do most of the domestic tasks.

Then don't do his share. Just leave it.
The more you do it the more he will let you do it.

tea_lover

quidsy wrote: »

I think (hope) it was a bit of light hearted humour :cool:

I did assume it was a joke (of sorts!) but I just don't get it.

PenguinJim

tea lover, there are more women than men in the world. So we would expect more of the world's housework to be done by women in an entirely fair world. (They also produce more of the mess!)

BunnieJ wrote: »

You chose a subject because you enjoy it and you think you're good at it (which I'm sure your DD has done). You don't pick a subject on the basis that when you're middle-aged you'll be earning a big bucks!

I don't think it's quite that simple. Choosing subjects which let you walk into a well-paid job after university absolutely must be one of the criteria. Of course, it matters less when you're 13 and more when you're 18, but the idea of coddling your kids and encouraging them just to pick the fun and easy subjects might just come back to ruin their entire lives.

Of course, it's also not so simple as to have them choose the demanding subjects that will likely pay well for their entire lives! :A

Georgiegirl256

quidsy wrote: »

They'll just be martyrs though P1. Cause you know, it doesn't happen in their life so it can't happen at all or must be old fashioned, older generation problem.

We've all admitted that the split still swings more to the woman doing more work than the man, but when are you going to admit that things are no longer how they used to be, 1950's little housewife running after her man? Men are actually more domesticated now than they ever were, and in many households, the men do the same amount (if not more) work as the women do.

PenguinJim has proved links for you, and you still can't admit it's true.

I think FBaby is right. Some women like to be martyrs so they can be like "oh look at me, I do all the housework while my husband does nothing, oh woe is me". If a women feels their OH isn't pulling his weight, just tell him!

I hate the way these threads turn into a men bashing exercise.

quidsy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

We've all admitted that the split still swings more to the woman doing more work than the man, but when are you going to admit that things are no longer how they used to be, 1950's little housewife running after her man?

I haven't actually ever said that. Ever. try to read what is written rather than what you think is written.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Men are actually more domesticated now than they ever were, and in many households, the men do the same amount (if not more) work as the women do.

PenguinJim has proved links for you, and you still can't admit it's true.

I haven't denied anything, just pointed out that yes, some men are doing more but there is still an inbalance & the issues around why, that need to be addressed.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think FBaby is right. Some women like to be martyrs so they can be like "oh look at me, I do all the housework while my husband does nothing, oh woe is me". If a women feels their OH isn't pulling his weight, just tell him!

So blame the women again right? Have you actually read any of the posts here with real life examples of how normal, modern women still have to address these issues with their normal, modern, progressive partners or do you just dont' care? A case of, It's not happening to me so therefore it's not happening BUT if it is, it must be the womans fault.

Wake up .

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I hate the way these threads turn into a men bashing exercise.

There is no men bashing exercise. We are discussing gender inequality. Men will be mentioned. Not any one man specifically but as a general statistic. A statistic can't be offended.

Georgiegirl256

quidsy wrote: »

wow, you are joking right? There are more that just IT jobs, paying well in the world. Lets hope your DD isn't complaining to you in 10 years that she is doing the exact same job as the bloke next to her but found out he is on a higher salary/bonus scheme or has been promoted over her even though she has the better record.

Why would she be? My husband works in the IT Industry and while it is still very male dominated there are at least 2 women in his section. Both paid on the same pay scale as he is. Any bonuses....the same. Any pay increments....the same.

So good on FBabys daughter for having ambition and knowing what she wants to do at such a young age. :T

quidsy

Why would she be? My husband works in the IT Industry and while it is still very male dominated there are at least 2 women in his section. Both paid on the same pay scale as he is. Any bonuses....the same. Any pay increments....the same.

And you know this how? But irregardless, the point I think Fbaby was attempting to make was the career choice should be a factor on whether or not women earn enough to be on par with men.

That is wrong, it isn't about earning more than men in high paid industries, it is about being treated equally & fairly irregardless of the industry chosen.

BunnieJ

Well thats progress isn't it & it something to work towards. I hope it works out for both of you.

Thanks!

Then don't do his share. Just leave it.
The more you do it the more he will let you do it.

Oh how I've tried! But when I can't find a clean plate to eat off of and the rubbish bin is stinking out the kitchen, I can't help myself!

I don't think it's quite that simple. Choosing subjects which let you walk into a well-paid job after university absolutely must be one of the criteria. Of course, it matters less when you're 13 and more when you're 18, but the idea of coddling your kids and encouraging them just to pick the fun and easy subjects might just come back to ruin their entire lives.

Of course, it's also not so simple as to have them choose the demanding subjects that will likely pay well for their entire lives! :A

When I picked my GCSEs/A-Levels part of my decision was based on the careers I might like to do when I left education, however, I didn't want to do those careers based on their salaries!

How many people do you know that can just "walk into" a well paid job after university nowadays?

It troubles me that students are no longer being educated, but just taught to pass exams, having no asperations to become artists/directors/writers or any other creative career paths.

VestanPance

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Why would she be? My husband works in the IT Industry and while it is still very male dominated there are at least 2 women in his section. Both paid on the same pay scale as he is. Any bonuses....the same. Any pay increments....the same.

So good on FBabys daughter for having ambition and knowing what she wants to do at such a young age. :T

The only reason the IT sector is male dominated is because few women pick computing subjects at University. The numbers are getting better, but sadly it still is a subject area that for one reason or another doesn't interest many young women leaving school to enter higher eductation.

IT pay scales will have nothing to do with gender. Experience is everything in this field. Work in a low level support role you'll get payed peanuts. Work in a specialised field you can name your wage.