Akward Situation...

Georgiegirl256

VestanPance wrote: »

Your example of 1950's woman who does everything while guy sits back was laughable to me, as it doesn't represent any couple that I know.

Exactly this ^^^^

I think some of the posters on here have very outdated views regarding a women's role in the household nowadays.

lostinrates

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly this ^^^^

I think some of the posters on here have very outdated views regarding a women's role in the household nowadays.

Presumably they live in households though, do there opinion is based on their experience?


I consider the bulk of the housework 'my job'. I am a SAhW through ill health. There are many days I cannot do much. I miss work, but I enjoy it when I feel well enough to do more than basic stuff here.

I feel awful, frankly, that my DH has to do so much at weekends that I feel is 'my side of the deal'.

quidsy

umm, we are women in the household today so clearly these are not outdated views.

And to deny that this kind of inbalance doesn't exist is a disservice to all women imo. Do some research.

It's great that this is not represented in your relationship (as long as you have had an honest look at it) it really is wonderful for you but sadly for many women, they are still under pressure to keep house, work & do the majority of childcare related jobs.

Many women are also too scared to "upset" their partner (urgh) by raising the issue or get accused of being a nag when they do so they "compromise" by taking it on in detriment to their health & well being.

This is not outdated, this is an actual, real life fact.

quidsy

LiR, when I worked 3 days a week I happily took on all HH tasks without complaint, I felt it fair as I had 4 days off, once I went Ft though my oh had to take on more again without complaint I might add but he still doens't know how the toilet roll never runs out or how his clothes are miraculously cleaned every week

I though never empty a bin, need to cook at all if I don't want to or do any of ds's homework with him, a happy compromise.

VestanPance

quidsy wrote: »

No need, I am happy with the arrangement but as it went over your head I'll explain again: Men in general have a different awareness on what is necessary to running a household which usually means women pickng up the slack or being called "naggers" for asking them to contribute.

I completely disagree. It just sounds like your man is avoiding his responsibilities to me.

quidsy

Ahh bless, you're trying to be b1thcy.

FBaby

Quidsy you seem to have quite an old fashion view of the dynamics of a committed relationship. My husband do more of the housework than I do. My father has always done more housework than his wife.
In terms of compromise surely it is both parties to ensure than it is balanced if that's what they think us fair and are happy with. There are many areas of compromises including financially.

I still don't get the concept that someone should be 100% sure at a particular stage (which weeks seem to be what fits the other party) or give up on a loving relationship. I still feel there are various reasons why you can love someone deeply but not be 100% certain you would want to spend the rest of your life together ie they have children you don't get along great with at that point or they don't seem to be good at managing their finances or they don't agree where to live.

Georgiegirl256

quidsy wrote: »

umm, we are women in the household today so clearly these are not outdated views.

And to deny that this kind of inbalance doesn't exist is a disservice to all women imo. Do some research.

I don't need to do some research thank you very much, and I didn't deny that this kind of imbalance doesn't exsist because I know that it does, but I really do think it isn't as common place as you seem to think it is.

It's great that this is not represented in your relationship (as long as you have had an honest look at it) it really is wonderful for you but sadly for many women, they are still under pressure to keep house, work & do the majority of childcare related jobs.

Many women are also too scared to "upset" their partner (urgh) by raising the issue or get accused of being a nag when they do so they "compromise" by taking it on in detriment to their health & well being.

This is not outdated, this is an actual, real life fact.

I didn't mention anything about my relationship. But as you seem so interested, here goes.

At the moment, like LIR, I am not working, so I do do the majority of the housework. It would hardly be fair on my husband if I didn't, him working 30+ hours a week! and me sitting on my backside doing nothing all day. So yes, I do the housework, washing, ironing, shopping etc, that's my 'job' as it were. He does the majority of the cooking because he enjoys doing it, and he isn't afraid to muck in when I've got behind on things (like when my Mam was in hospital the other week), AND he doesn't need to be told to do these things.

Rewind to when I was working though, and we had a routine going where we split the jobs between us. It's called working as a team.

Even though statistics may prove that the lions share of the work still falls to the Woman, in my relationship and those of my friends, (where the woman is working) the work seems to be evenly split between the couple. No nagging to the husband to help out is needed, most men I know are very domesticated.

Also, I don't know ANY woman who would be too scared to 'upset' their partner. Not saying it doesn't exsist because obviously it does, but I really do think that isn't very common place anymore at all.

VestanPance

quidsy wrote: »

Ahh bless, you're trying to be b1thcy.

No, I'm just open the the fact that men do not lack some gentic gene or "awareness" that means they can't run a household. If they aren't contributing it's either that they are being mothered, or they are being allowed to be lazy sods and taking advantge.

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

That's really sad my Dad always felt a bit like that if he was dropping me off at dance class if Mum was at work.



Weirdly - it must be the area of work I'm trained in - I've never, ever encountered a pay gap. The only thing that used to drive me potty was in a previous job, when one woman would happily swan off hours early for school play/parents eve/kids docs/whatever and drop all her work on me.

ETA: Industry! That's the word I was thinking of in my industry I've never encountered the pay gap.

HBS x

The pay gap isn't really something that you can easily spot in most individual workplaces, apart from very obvious and brazen ones!

An example is my profession, nursing. Nurses are on pretty strict pay scales, so I know that a man doing my exact job will be on the same salary, however even though most nurses are women, men are more likely to have the higher paid more senior jobs.

Its insidious, and it exists for a number of reasons. This is a good site to have a read of if you're interested: http://www.closethegap.org.uk/index.php?redir=404