The number...truth or lie??

lostinrates

VestanPance wrote: »

A partners past will matter to many people, no matter if you like that or not.

To use an extreme example say some guy had beaten an ex of his ten years ago but never been convicted (or even reported) and not raised a finger since, would you want to know? Thankfully with Claires Law if he had been convicted you could get that information, but you couldn't if he hadn't.

A less extreme example would be someone say with a history of infedility. Would you be happy that this bevahiour is all in the past? What about a history of depression? A history of being bad with money?

For some one or any of those wouldn't be an issue, but for some they will.

If you are dating someone then surely you are going to ask the questions you deem important to you to weigh up that person as a potential partner. No matter if we like it or not, for some that will be our previous sexual history.

StuC75 wrote: »

Sounds right to me.

Quite a few on this thread seem very quick to bury there head in the sand and not ask that question, just hope that never comes back to haunt any of them in the shape of a letter in the post from a clinic..which point 'You never asked' isn't what you would want to hear back..

If you ask that question , about someone who is setting out to look for a victim, for example do you think it very probably you'll get an honest Verbal answer? Whether WE are honest or not?

I think for example, meritatens point might be while he asks the question in this situation an answer potentially lies in the questions and how they were asked.

Torry_Quine

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Why does the question even have to be asked or answered? Why does anyone need to, or 'have' to know how many sexual partners their new partner has had in the past?

Why does is matter? :huh:

It may not matter to you but it obviously does to some others

StuC75

And who is it that should decide whether it 'affects your future'..

so many examples of what could affect your future - in actions and health medically - infection screening , if a mans had the snip or womans been sterilised and the other may want children...

Domayne wrote: »

Haha or -

E - accept that people have a past, you have no need/right to know about it unless it affects your future and just enjoy the present

Domayne

StuC75 wrote: »

And who is it that should decide whether it 'affects your future'..

so many examples of what could affect your future - in actions and health medically - infection screening , if a mans had the snip or womans been sterilised and the other may want children...

Then those fall under 'whether it affects your future' which they would, if you want kids and they have been snipped...how many people you have slept with says nothing about you, your future or whether you have some kind of infection or not?

VestanPance

Domayne wrote: »

No, because I don't think the past defines you as a person or makes you who you are today. In my mind, anybody has the capability of going a little psycho and doing something 'out of character' I don't think it means it will become a pattern...
for example, in 2005 I went a little crazy, did a lot of stupid things which ended with me trying to od and ended up sectioned in a psychiatric unit for 3 weeks...I haven't been back to that place since, I don't think I would in future...so what use does that have in revealing to a partner - except to make him think im crazy/unbalanced or something when I'm not?
When your dating someone, things of their character tend to come out naturally and then you can judge if they are the person you want to settle with...why give the 3rd degree on a persons past to decide that WHEN IT DOESN'T DEFINE THEM?

The past does define people. Someones actions are a more reliable gauge of future behaviour than what they say.

The fact so many are so guarded about their history points at how much they want to hide about themselves.

VestanPance

Domayne wrote: »

Then those fall under 'whether it affects your future' which they would, if you want kids and they have been snipped...how many people you have slept with says nothing about you, your future or whether you have some kind of infection or not?

Maybe it affects the decision of the person on should they purse a relationship with that person or not that could result in children.

If that is important to them, then it's important to them. It may be judgemental, but it's obviously a criteria that they feel is a factor.

Domayne

VestanPance wrote: »

The past does define people. Someones actions are a more reliable gauge of future behaviour than what they say.

The fact so many are so guarded about their history points at how much they want to hide about themselves.

That's your opinion. I don't feel defined by my past - or how many people have shared a bed with me. People are forever evolving/changing/go through phases, I wouldn't be so closed minded to define them by one aspect of their past behaviour

lostinrates

Domayne wrote: »

That's your opinion. I don't feel defined by my past - or how many people have shared a bed with me. People are forever evolving/changing/go through phases, I wouldn't be so closed minded to define them by one aspect of their past behaviour

This is how I feel.

While my past is important to me, the the creation of who I am now I have grown, evolved, developed....and become less in someways.

But I do think some people are defined by their pasts. Perhaps that is one of the key dividers here? I don't know.

missprice

ComebackGirl wrote: »

I am a naturally curious[STRIKE] nosy[/STRIKE] person and believe in being open with your partner , even if this has hurt me in the past when one admitted to trying to cheat , so it would probably come up within a conversation.
I don't have much of a past considering my age and know some men would find it strange. Your sexual history shouldn't define you but I can't imagine not knowing about a potential partner's past .

Do you mean complete history though or just the sex side?

See I know ( probably ) more than I need or want to about my partner now.
Yet I have only a faint idea of how many exes.
I have one hell of a past considering my age, but the people who have mattered to me have not asked that question.

I would be more open about the abusive childhood I had than how many sexual partners. Is that more or less wierd?

Tink2

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Nobody is necessarily 'ashamed.' It's just that if you tell a man that you have had quite a lot (say 35-40 men) before him, then he will think you're a slag, and he will probably walk away. Even if he has had more women than you have had men, he will still judge you as an easy lay if your conquests run much over double figures.

Fact is, women will dumb down their number of conquests, and men will exaggerate it. In reality the 'numbers' are probably fairly close to one another: prob about 10 to 20 on average for many.

Frankly, I think it's a bit weird and creepy if a man wants to know how many men you've slept with. And men seem to want to know it about women, more than women want to know it about men. I wonder why? Why do they need to know?

I don't think it's weird and creepy to want to know where your partner had been, in this day and age with how loose people are I think it's sensible