Dating outside your race

susieq87

Hello everyone!

I am hoping in starting this thread it does not cause anyuproar or anything negative, I am genuinely seeking some answers. A couple of months ago my s/o and Ibroke up, I am trying to move on by dating. I am not looking for anythingserious but if prince charming comes along then hey-ho, I will jump on hishorse with him.

Basically I am stuck in terms of dating my own race. I am ablack woman, 27 and would consider myself attractive. I am interested in dating menof all racial background but they don’t seem to be interested in me! I meet alot of attractive men black, white, Asian etc but it seems as though only blackmen pay attention to me. While this is great I would like to explore other races. I have joined match.com andpof but I only seem to get messages from black men and white men butunfortunately the type of white man I am attracted to does not seem interested.I have even sent quirky, funny messages but get no reply.

Last night I tried having a conversation with a guy when wewere both walking out of the gym who didn’t seem interested, I think I wasactually bothering him and yet have all these black men trying to talk to meall the time. I am shy and reserved for the most part but I am trying to putmyself out there but am not getting any success.

I hope this is not coming out as bad as it sounds in my head.Please be kind with your replies because I was actually nervous to write thisand ask for advice *embarrassed face*

RalphWiggam

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fivetide

Wouldn't bother me. It goes to show though that despite what we are told, we aren't that multi-cultural. People tend to seek out others that are like them, hence the black guys looking for black women and vice versa.

Religion tends to paly a big part too of course but where that isn't a question, I'd prefer to look at just how well we get on.

What type of white men do you like? Simply by putting that you are doing exactly the same as the problem you are having - putting people in a box. I appreciate there needs to be a level of interest but from there, it has to be all about how well you get on regardless of creed, colour etc.

susieq87

fivetide wrote: »

Wouldn't bother me. It goes to show though that despite what we are told, we aren't that multi-cultural. People tend to seek out others that are like them, hence the black guys looking for black women and vice versa.

Religion tends to paly a big part too of course but where that isn't a question, I'd prefer to look at just how well we get on.

What type of white men do you like? Simply by putting that you are doing exactly the same as the problem you are having - putting people in a box. I appreciate there needs to be a level of interest but from there, it has to be all about how well you get on regardless of creed, colour etc.

thanks for your reply.
in reply to your question - i tend to have a type and that applies to all races i.e. good looking, tall, lean, muscular, basically the type that most women would like! unfortunately when it comes to internet dating we judge by looks first. i would like to think that i am easy to get on with in regards to interests because i dont put myself in a box or limit my interests or hobbies. i'm pretty open minded.
i think you are right in saying that people seek out those who are like them because they feel its easier to relate.

anotheruser

There's nothing wrong with putting yourself "in a box" though.
Too many people these days are "like an open book", who seem to be interested in anything and everything. Only after a few years of dating do you realise that the person who was open-minded and have loads in common are actually not interested in the half of it.

No wonder so many people split up these days!

Don't be scared to label yourself and stay true to who you are instead of trying to fit in with others when the coat doesn't fit.

Alikay

Are you casting your net wide enough - geographically, I mean? You tend to find more diversity, and openness to diversity in larger cities and areas where people migrate to work and study rather than the sort of communities where people are born and remain there for much of their lives.

The town I live in historically hasn't seen a lot of influx of new blood, and (until recently) people tended to work for one of the two main employers in the city straight from school whereas the next door city, just 14 miles away is much more vibrant and has a more varied population in all aspects - class, race, wealth and skills etc.

Maybe if you widened your profile on the dating site to encompass other areas you might have more luck . Apologies if you're living in London!

InsideInsurance

susieq87 wrote: »

I am shy and reserved for the most part but I am trying to putmyself out there but am not getting any success.

I'm white married to a non-white girl so certainly it can happen (and she approached me first).

Internet dating is a massive numbers game, particularly when you are on the larger sites like Plenty of Fish and arguably even more so on the paid for sites like Match.com.

As you say, most effectively promote you on your looks by how their sites work. Those that look good get hundreds of approaches, those of us that arent so good or chose not to have a photo can get very few. Add to paid sites you've also got the issue that the people who do like you may not have paid for the service and so cannot reply "even if they want to".

Back in my dating days I used Freedating.co.uk as it was free and so no "can they reply?" type issues plus being smaller even the most popular get a manageable amount of messages. (A friend got ~c20 a day on FD but 300+ on PoF). Even with that I probably got less than 10% response rate to initial messages, I did try PoF once and only recall 2 girls replying out of who knows how many messages.

I personally have broad tastes so tried to chat to black, white, yellow + pretty much any other colour women come in. I never kept records to say if the response rate was significantly different, gut reaction would say that eastern european and far east were the most ready to chat. Black girls certainly were one of the least and white british ones in the middle.

Get a friend to check your profile maybe or to see what sort of thing you are saying in your messages to get a second opinion on if you are giving out "the right vibe" etc

fivetide

susieq87 wrote: »

thanks for your reply.
in reply to your question - i tend to have a type and that applies to all races i.e. good looking, tall, lean, muscular, basically the type that most women would like! unfortunately when it comes to internet dating we judge by looks first. i would like to think that i am easy to get on with in regards to interests because i dont put myself in a box or limit my interests or hobbies. i'm pretty open minded.
i think you are right in saying that people seek out those who are like them because they feel its easier to relate.

Well we'd all like a Cameron Diaz or David Beckham etc but the reality is we need to cut our cloth so the speak!

I totally understand though, there has to be a physical thing with web dating.

Being open to new interests is good in terms of dating but might not be so good in the longer term, what if you don't like the new hobby? Shouldn't put you off but worth considering when things get serious!

Still, as I said, you being black wouldn't put me off your profile (if I used dating sites which so far, I haven't yet)

getmore4less

Would the make friends with the black guys/girls that have white mates get you meeting those that are more open to the idea.

Leverage your network

themull1

fivetide wrote: »

Well we'd all like a Cameron Diaz or David Beckham etc but the reality is we need to cut our cloth so the speak!

I totally understand though, there has to be a physical thing with web dating.

Being open to new interests is good in terms of dating but might not be so good in the longer term, what if you don't like the new hobby? Shouldn't put you off but worth considering when things get serious!

Still, as I said, you being black wouldn't put me off your profile (if I used dating sites which so far, I haven't yet)

David Beckham - you're kidding - Brian Blessed for me........

bluenoseam

I doubt there's anything other than simple logic at play here, if someone's not attracted to you they're not attracted to you - that doesn't necessarily mean anything. What I would say is that as a while male, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I'm also a believer in the fact that attractiveness is not soley limited to appearances.