Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink

JodyBPM

I'm not sure that I'd presume that a work colleague asking me out for a drink was a suggestion of romantic interest, especially if they knew I had a partner. My first reaction would be that it was friendly colleague socialising, rather than the suggestion of a date/romantic liaison. The poor guy is probably just trying to building a social life!

On that basis,it does seem a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.

That said, only the OP knows exactly what was said and how. Obviously if it continues, or becomes harrassing or sinister then HR need to be involved, but for now I'd draw a line under it, and not give it another thought tbh.

Edit to say - crossed posts with above!

tizerbelle

fivetide wrote: »

Wrong.

Just because our opinion doesn't match yours doesn't make it wrong. Opinions differ on many things - there isn't necessarily a right or wrong.

fivetide wrote: »

Several of you seem to be missing this vital bit of information in the first post and laying into the OP as a result.

I don't believe we've layed into the OP - just offered an alternative perspective.

fivetide wrote: »

For the benefit of you, Duchy and particularly Peachyprice who asked why didn't reply like this in the first place (a post you've both thanked) here it is in bold: I politely declined and said that I was busy all weekend with my boyfriend

My comprehension skills are fine. I said OP didn't give an outright no. That isn't an outright no. It leaves a chink of an opening. Have you never said to a friend/family member - fancy going out for a drink/meal/watch a film on Saturday and they say sorry, got plans and then you reply - what about another night then?

fivetide wrote: »

I asked that. The OP replied: Thanks for your comments, there was nothing to lead up to this .
And I see no reason to disbelieve her.

And again I didn't say the OP had, I said the manager may have simply misinterpreted her behaviour/actions/attitude - I did not imply OP had lead him on or anything. I said the manager may be inept at interpreting behaviours.

fivetide wrote: »

Again, as a senior manager i.e. someone who could potentially cause trouble for her at work she can be concerned at this. I have no issue with someone asking someone else out but work relationships are hard to manage and askign someone out who you know to be attached is not exactly normal.

Happened to me quite frequently when I was in a relationship - including being asked out by the CEO (major national company) even though he knew who I was dating. I just said Never going to happen. End of. No problems/issues/awkward moments.

tomtontom

Spider_In_The_Bath wrote: »

Taken from the first post by the OP

Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink
I am annoyed on a couple fronts:
I had to give out my personal number and he took advantage of this.
We have to work together quite a bit, now I feel even more awkward than I did before.
He's back in the office wed and not looking forward to it.
... so why make things awkward by asking?
My plan is to see how things go wednesday, I'm going to have to be strong and make it clear that I'm not interesting in socialising , I want to talk work only.
I feel like I am over-reacting, but yet cant help feeling very annoyed. I am quite a shy person really and do not enjoy dealing with difficult situations.

Does the OP sound happy about the situation? He has caused her bother by making her worried about going into work.

The OP has caused herself bother by overreacting.

POPPYOSCAR

Had she said I am busy with my 'Husband' i could understand the indignation but 'boyfriend'.?

Really?

I do feel sorry for men sometimes:(

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

Where has he caused her bother in a work situation? Have I missed an episode?

It is tricky when you have to reject someone senior to you, its not unheard of for it to result in a very unpleasant working atmosphere and attempts to 'punish' the person doing the rejecting.

He knew she had a boyfriend, and that she had only given out her mobile number because she had to not because she wanted to, he really should have known better.

I don't think its a case for HR, but I wouldn't be deleting those messages.

tizerbelle

fivetide wrote: »

Shame on you duchy, tizerbelle and k3lvc

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Had she said I am busy with my 'Husband' i could understand the indignation but 'boyfriend'.?

Really?

I do feel sorry for men sometimes:(

Why do you feel sorry for men? Because they can't always have every woman they fancy?

Boyfriend means in a relationship, spoken for, not fair game and keep trying!

duchy

Spider_In_The_Bath wrote: »

Taken from the first post by the OP

Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink
I am annoyed on a couple fronts:
I had to give out my personal number and he took advantage of this.
We have to work together quite a bit, now I feel even more awkward than I did before.
He's back in the office wed and not looking forward to it.
... so why make things awkward by asking?
My plan is to see how things go wednesday, I'm going to have to be strong and make it clear that I'm not interesting in socialising , I want to talk work only.
I feel like I am over-reacting, but yet cant help feeling very annoyed. I am quite a shy person really and do not enjoy dealing with difficult situations.

Does the OP sound happy about the situation? He has caused her bother by making her worried about going into work.

I'm not sure what difficult situation she is anticipating.
She is making herself worried.
He asked her out - she declined -
She's now imagining all kinds of difficult situations -but they are at this point all in her head- He hasn't done anything to make her think he's going to follow up.
IF he follows up she has a right to be annoyed or worried .....but at this point- from her own account there is nothing to imply that he will.

Georgiegirl256

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Had she said I am busy with my 'Husband' i could understand the indignation but 'boyfriend'.?

Really?

I do feel sorry for men sometimes:(

Boyfriend? Husband? Why should it matter? She's in a relationship which ever way you look at it. So, anyone with a boyfriend is a free for all then is that what you're saying?

Gloomendoom

I've got to admit that a boyfriend wouldn't have put me off. Husband, yes.