Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink

[Deleted User]

peachyprice wrote: »

Hardly not taking no for an answer was it.

"would you like to come for a drink with me?"

"No I'm busy this weekend" (why didn't she just say no, I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested in the first place)

"How about the weekend after"

"No, I have a boyfriend, I am not interested"

No more contact, end of drama.

Since when did women become so precious and weak that a man daring to ask them out for a drink prompts them being reported to HR?

It is not just a man asking them out for a drink. It is a senior manager causing a problem in a work situation. It inappropriate due to the fact that it is within a work environment.

The OP is now worried about having to work with this person and how it will affect their job. Due to their different positions in their workplace it puts her in a difficult situation career wise. What happens if she complains? Will she be shunted sideways, or out as she is the junior member and the one causing the problem by complaining? It would not be the first time this has happened within a company.

Most larger companies have HR handbooks with rules and regulations on relationships in the workplace, including between senior and junior members of staff. I know that in the Army it used to be the case (and may still be) that relationships between officers and non-officers would have you kicked out (I know someone this happened to). The rules are there for a reason to maintain a happy working environment.

k3lvc

fivetide wrote: »

Wrong.

Several of you seem to be missing this vital bit of information in the first post and laying into the OP as a result. For the benefit of you, Duchy and particularly Peachyprice who asked why didn't reply like this in the first place (a post you've both thanked) here it is in bold

I politely declined and said that I was busy all weekend with my boyfriend



I asked that. The OP replied:

Thanks for your comments, there was nothing to lead up to this

And I see no reason to disbelieve her.

Again, as a senior manager i.e. someone who could potentially cause trouble for her at work she can be concerned at this. I have no issue with someone asking someone else out but work relationships are hard to manage and askign someone out who you know to be attached is not exactly normal.

Also AGAIN no one is saying run to HR but fingers crossed that he takes rejection well.

So your bold in red suggests that anyone with a boyfriend/girlfriend is out of bounds ? That certainly doesn't appear to be the case in 'real life' street much as we all want to live with ideals.

The simple answer of 'no thanks' (with or without mention of 'boyfriend' would have been sufficient - adding the 'busy this weekend' wasn't a flat refusal and therefore led to the follow up question).

And in terms of the seniority of the boss this again shouldn't be an issue unless it's genuine harrassment. If it is (and that means a damn sight more stuff happening than has been quoted so far) then escalate it, if not then grow a pair and accept that these things go on in life - maybe even accept it as a compliment

ETA - I'm obviously speaking from a male perspective and have no way of understanding the female mind

duchy

Man misreads signals and thinks a woman might be interested when she isn't so asks her out and she says no. Why is this even worthy of comment-what woman hasn't had a man she isn't interested in ask her out ?

OP then wants to tell everyone at work he's "bothering" her.

I think on the events so far you'd be likely to do your own career damage not his. You'd be regarded as at best a bit daft and at worst malicious in a lot of companies if you reported events as you've described them -as it was such a non event.

Many people marry people they meet at work -if no-one ever asked anyone else out it wouldn't be the case.

I don't see anything in your account that implies this man has or had any intention of using your refusal against you. If every woman reported a man senior to her (but not her direct boss-as is the case here also) for asking her out HR departments would grind to a halt.

fivetide

So sad that some people have to stick the boot in when it is clear they didn't even do the OP the courtesy of reading their post properly.

Then, having been pulled up on it, aren't big enough to apologise.

Shame on you duchy, tizerbelle and k3lvc

peachyprice

Spider_In_The_Bath wrote: »

It is not just a man asking them out for a drink. It is a senior manager causing a problem in a work situation. It inappropriate due to the fact that it is within a work environment.

Where has he caused her bother in a work situation? Have I missed an episode?

duchy

fivetide wrote: »

So sad that some people have to stick the boot in when it is clear they didn't even do the OP the courtesy of reading their post properly.

Then, having been pulled up on it, aren't big enough to apologise.

Shame on you duchy, tizerbelle and k3lvc

Do you really believe that everyone you encounter in life who don't see things in exactly the same light you do is "putting the boot in"?

That's really very unfortunate-and a bit sad.

k3lvc

fivetide wrote: »

So sad that some people have to stick the boot in when it is clear they didn't even do the OP the courtesy of reading their post properly.

Then, having been pulled up on it, aren't big enough to apologise.

Shame on you duchy, tizerbelle and k3lvc

Sorry - have I missed something ?? I made a single post and I'm expected to apologise for it ? The OP's post was read, digested and responded to - the only questionable part was telling her to 'grow a pair' for which I apologise on the basis it's impossible :rotfl:

belfastgirl23

I too agree he should have taken the boyfriend hint. And I wouldn't be hard on the OP - I think she is asking whether how she has handled things is appropriate (yes imho) and what the next step should be if it becomes necessary. That seems reasonable to me, to be prepared just in case. Of course it may not happen but it's a good idea to have a strategy.

OP, I wonder whether he might be somewhere on the autistic spectrum? It doesn't sound like he's a bad guy but it does sound like he doesn't read social cues which is why I ask. In which case, if he asks again, it might be worth saying very directly that you keep a very clear line between your work life and your private life and you don't go out for drinks with work colleagues. Therefore you will not go for a drink with him. No stumbles or awkwardness, just very clear and direct.

Also is there any way of blocking his number on your mobile?

[Deleted User]

peachyprice wrote: »

Where has he caused her bother in a work situation? Have I missed an episode?

Taken from the first post by the OP

Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink
I am annoyed on a couple fronts:
I had to give out my personal number and he took advantage of this.
We have to work together quite a bit, now I feel even more awkward than I did before.
He's back in the office wed and not looking forward to it.
... so why make things awkward by asking?
My plan is to see how things go wednesday, I'm going to have to be strong and make it clear that I'm not interesting in socialising , I want to talk work only.
I feel like I am over-reacting, but yet cant help feeling very annoyed. I am quite a shy person really and do not enjoy dealing with difficult situations.

Does the OP sound happy about the situation? He has caused her bother by making her worried about going into work.

tomtontom

Am I the only person that has drinks with people (male and female) as friends? I can't see anything that suggests there was a sexual or non platonic motive.

(And fivetide, before you get your knickers in a twist, I have read all the OP's posts.)