Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink

BugglyB

One tactic I have used in the past at work is to say to the offending person in private - 'just so you know, its not really appropriate to text someone on their personal mobile number to ask them on a date. I'm not bothered by it personally but if you had done that to someone a little more sensitive it might have upset them - someone at a previous place I worked got in a lot of hot water for it'

I used that tactic for someone who was making racist jokes a lot and it worked a treat.

Azmataz

You've told us, but does this man know how aggrieved you are by the 'inappropriate' text? Has he had a chance to apologize or explain?

There's nothing necessarily sinister in sending such a text. Some would say it's more passive than a phone call would have been or if he had approached you at work asking the same. People misread signals and social ques all the time.

If the cause of your annoyance is that isolated text exchange bolstered by his general 'strangeness', it seems pretty dramatic to take it to HR and embarrass the man, especially considering he backed off as soon as you clearly specified you had no interest in socialising.

What would you ideally want from the situation?

getmore4less

why on earth give out your own phone No if it is not normally known to work.

get a free PAYG for work and get them to pay for the top ups.

duchy

BugglyB wrote: »

It matters because he is a senior manager, and as such should not be abusing his position. He shouldn't be propositioning junior colleagues regardless of their relationship status, its unethical and unprofessional.

If he had propositioned her I agree it would be inappropriate and unprofessional but in my universe there is a world of difference between asking someone out for a drink and propositioning them.

I think the OP is over-reacting and it was a simple asking out-refusal scenario. The fact she doesn't like him is clear but if he (as most normal men would do) drops it- end of story.
"I gave my mobile number to everyone whilst we were away and he dared to text me to ask me out for a drink..... No he didn't keep asking or harass me or was sexually inappropriate-he just asked me out and I declined." HR would think you were the one with a problem. I can only assume men don't ask you out very often to judge by your over-reaction.

Sorry but I think you're creating drama where none exists .

fivetide

duchy wrote: »

If he had propositioned her I agree it would be inappropriate and unprofessional but in my universe there is a world of difference between asking someone out for a drink and propositioning them.

I think the OP is over-reacting and it was a simple asking out-refusal scenario. The fact she doesn't like him is clear but if he (as most normal men would do) drops it- end of story.
"I gave my mobile number to everyone whilst we were away and he dared to text me to ask me out for a drink..... No he didn't keep asking or harass me or was sexually inappropriate-he just asked me out and I declined." HR would think you were the one with a problem. I can only assume men don't ask you out very often to judge by your over-reaction.

Sorry but I think you're creating drama where none exists .

I think the OP has a right to be concerned though. As she said he didn't take no for an answer, she had to be very forthright to get him to stop and we have no reason to beleive that the OP gave him any indication that such a request would be welcome.

Fingers crossed as a number of us have said that this is the end of it and come Wednesday it is all fine but, for a senior manager to ask out a junior employee is always going to prove a problem.

If it were me I'd be concerned that he might not take rejection well. You don't want to be subject to someone's spite through no fault of your own.

OP should do as said, let it go but if there is any suggestion that she is getting treated unfairly or any further requests, then the situation needs to be reviewed. I don't see any issue with that.

The OP has every right to be concerned that she's had to tell a senior person at work to back off. Hopefulyl, this thread has done what it should have which is reassure her that she has done the right thing.

POPPYOSCAR

duchy wrote: »

If he had propositioned her I agree it would be inappropriate and unprofessional but in my universe there is a world of difference between asking someone out for a drink and propositioning them.

I think the OP is over-reacting and it was a simple asking out-refusal scenario. The fact she doesn't like him is clear but if he (as most normal men would do) drops it- end of story.
"I gave my mobile number to everyone whilst we were away and he dared to text me to ask me out for a drink..... No he didn't keep asking or harass me or was sexually inappropriate-he just asked me out and I declined." HR would think you were the one with a problem. I can only assume men don't ask you out very often to judge by your over-reaction.

Sorry but I think you're creating drama where none exists .

I have to agree with this.

peachyprice

fivetide wrote: »

I think the OP has a right to be concerned though. As she said he didn't take no for an answer, she had to be very forthright to get him to stop and we have no reason to beleive that the OP gave him any indication that such a request would be welcome.

Hardly not taking no for an answer was it.

"would you like to come for a drink with me?"

"No I'm busy this weekend" (why didn't she just say no, I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested in the first place)

"How about the weekend after"

"No, I have a boyfriend, I am not interested"

No more contact, end of drama.

Since when did women become so precious and weak that a man daring to ask them out for a drink prompts them being reported to HR?

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

Hardly not taking no for an answer was it.

"would you like to come for a drink with me?"

"No I'm busy this weekend" (why didn't she just say no, I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested in the first place)

"How about the weekend after"

"No, I have a boyfriend, I am not interested"

No more contact, end of drama.

Since when did women become so precious and weak that a man daring to ask them out for a drink prompts them being reported to HR?

I believe she said "No, Im busy all weekend with my boyfriend."

Really, that should have been enough of a hint to drop it. Isn't the casual 'boyfriend mention' a universal sign to back off?

tizerbelle

fivetide wrote: »

I think the OP has a right to be concerned though. As she said he didn't take no for an answer, she had to be very forthright to get him to stop and we have no reason to beleive that the OP gave him any indication that such a request would be welcome.

Actually he did take no for an answer. The OP's first response wasn't a flat no, it was I'm busy this weekend. That isn't a no. So he suggested an alternative and then she said No. And he stopped.

Its a case of letting someone down gently and hoping they'd get the hint but not wanting to hurt their feelings and that being received at the other end as maybe some other time rather than a No.

We also don't know that OP didn't give an indication that such a request wouldn't be welcome. I'm not saying she did, but if this gent is socially inept/awkward he may have simply misread her behaviour (and I'm not suggesting anything untoward on the part of the OP) and thought she was interested. What for Person A would be just being polite/kind/friendly can be interpreted by Person B that Person A is as dropping hints that they like Person B.

fivetide

tizerbelle wrote: »

Actually he did take no for an answer. The OP's first response wasn't a flat no, it was I'm busy this weekend. That isn't a no. So he suggested an alternative and then she said No. And he stopped.

Wrong.

Several of you seem to be missing this vital bit of information in the first post and laying into the OP as a result. For the benefit of you, Duchy and particularly Peachyprice who asked why didn't reply like this in the first place (a post you've both thanked) here it is in bold

I politely declined and said that I was busy all weekend with my boyfriend

We also don't know that OP didn't give an indication that such a request wouldn't be welcome. I'm not saying she did, but if this gent is socially inept/awkward he may have simply misread her behaviour (and I'm not suggesting anything untoward on the part of the OP) and thought she was interested. What for Person A would be just being polite/kind/friendly can be interpreted by Person B that Person A is as dropping hints that they like Person B.

I asked that. The OP replied:

Thanks for your comments, there was nothing to lead up to this

And I see no reason to disbelieve her.

Again, as a senior manager i.e. someone who could potentially cause trouble for her at work she can be concerned at this. I have no issue with someone asking someone else out but work relationships are hard to manage and askign someone out who you know to be attached is not exactly normal.

Also AGAIN no one is saying run to HR but fingers crossed that he takes rejection well.