Annoyed, Senior Manager asked me out for a drink

sj77

A couple of weeks ago myself and a few colleagues went abroad for a business trip, I had to share my personal mobile no (as no company phone available) in order that we could arrange to meet up over there. I made it clear it it was my personal number and only for use whilst away.

Fast forward 2 weeks, one of the senior managers who I shared my number with has text me to ask me out for a drink the other day. I politely declined and said that I was busy all weekend with my boyfriend (which he knew about before).. then he text back and asked about the weekend after to which I realised I have to be firm and spelt it out that No I do not want to go for a drink with him and that I do not wish to mix outside of work. Silence phew.

I am annoyed on a couple fronts:

1) As my work do not provide mobile phones I had to give out my personal number and he took advantage of this. I would not have given this man my number for personal use under any circumstances.

2) He knew before that I had a boyfriend!

We have to work together quite a bit, now I feel even more awkward than I did before. He's back in the office wed and not looking forward to it. I'm sure he will say I misunderstood him, but do you really ask a female colleague (with a bf) out for a drink on a weekend? The answer was always likely to be no, so why make things awkward by asking?

He is quite odd and very unprofessional and sometimes making inappropriate comments. especially for someone his level.

My plan is to see how things go wednesday, I'm going to have to be strong and make it clear that I'm not interesting in socialising , I want to talk work only.

I feel like I am over-reacting, but yet cant help feeling very annoyed. I am quite a shy person really and do not enjoy dealing with difficult situations.

Am I handling this the right way?

fivetide

If he tries it again, I'd be having a word with HR. Save the texts.

Sounds like a strange one though. Assuming there was nothing at the event that led him to believe the response might be something other than no asking once, ok weird but if he's single maybe let that go. Not actually taking no for an answer serious issues!

Combined with the comments, you certainly have a case to report him to HR. You can either tell him you'll do that if he doesn't back off, or if you think he's going to be spiteful and make life tricky for you,then you could approach them now and get the complaint registered (either HR or his boss depending on the relationship there)

Apart from that, you've done the right things I think

SailorSam

You could always suggest he brings his wife and you'll come with your boyfriend to make up a foursome. Saying you and your boyfriend always go out as a couple.
I doubt he'll take you up on the idea.

sj77

Thanks for your comments, there was nothing to lead up to this - he is inappropriate with all the young women, we always keep things professional and dont respond. We think he is single and a bit lonely. Still no excuse.

He is the strangest person I've ever met so not sure how he will be, but there are plenty of women here who find him strange (including my manager) so thats something on my side. Also, he doesnt have anyone reporting into him so he will not have any control over my contracts etc.

Lets hope he backs off :-)

fivetide wrote: »

If he tries it again, I'd be having a word with HR. Save the texts.

Sounds like a strange one though. Assuming there was nothing at the event that led him to believe the response might be something other than no asking once, ok weird but if he's single maybe let that go. Not actually taking no for an answer serious issues!

Combined with the comments, you certainly have a case to report him to HR. You can either tell him you'll do that if he doesn't back off, or if you think he's going to be spiteful and make life tricky for you,then you could approach them now and get the complaint registered (either HR or his boss depending on the relationship there)

Apart from that, you've done the right things I think

foxwales

Jeez, you lambast the guy for just asking you out for a drink. I'd be more inclined to agree with your over the top nature if he was sending you nude pictures, but the guy only asked you for a drink, which you have made now perfectly clear it isn't going to happen.

Just leave it at that.

fivetide

foxwales wrote: »

Jeez, you lambast the guy for just asking you out for a drink. I'd be more inclined to agree with your over the top nature if he was sending you nude pictures, but the guy only asked you for a drink, which you have made now perfectly clear it isn't going to happen.

Just leave it at that.

I'd agree (as I said above), if he'd only asked once

He asks, gets knocked back, fine. But then asks again. Take a hint dude or it is harrassment.

Plus it sounds like he's a bit pervy so that really doesn't help his case. I think you are off the mark here having a go at the OP

foxwales

fivetide wrote: »

I'd agree (as I said above), if he'd only asked once

He asks, gets knocked back, fine. But then asks again. Take a hint dude or it is harrassment.

Plus it sounds like he's a bit pervy so that really doesn't help his case. I think you are off the mark here having a go at the OP

I don't think I am. The OP made firmly clear to the guy she isn't interested by reiterating in the second text that a drink out of work isn't going to happen; why then for the need to say the guy is weird and pervy etc, which is a matter of opinion.

She sounds like one of those clique gossip girls in the office who like to ridicule people who don't conform to her social norm; or perhaps that's just my opinion, rather than an assumption.

fivetide

foxwales wrote: »

I don't think I am.

Lets agree to disagree.

cazziebo

From what you've related here, going to HR is out of order. The chap, irrespective of his social skills or personality traits, has asked you out for a drink. You declined. Hardly harassment. If he was your direct line manager, I'd see a potential problem. It doesn't appear that he is.

On Wednesday, just carry on as normal. Sounds like it's blown over already.

Georgiegirl256

cazziebo wrote: »

On Wednesday, just carry on as normal. Sounds like it's blown over already.

This ^^^

Just go in, carry on as normal. It only becomes an HR issue and harassment if he continues with the texts and continues to ask you out from here on in.

Reporting him after 2 texts and calling him a perv (I know that wasn't you OP) seems abit of an extreme reaction to me.

HPoirot

sj77 wrote: »

Thanks for your comments, there was nothing to lead up to this - he is inappropriate with all the young women, we always keep things professional and dont respond. We think he is single and a bit lonely. Still no excuse.

He is the strangest person I've ever met so not sure how he will be, but there are plenty of women here who find him strange (including my manager) so thats something on my side. Also, he doesnt have anyone reporting into him so he will not have any control over my contracts etc.

Lets hope he backs off :-)

If it wasn't for the above, I would have thought it would be some kind of informal interview, to "gauge" you in some way. Under the circumstances, I would just avoid him for a few days until it is clear he has forgotten all about it. Or is preying on the next victim. :eek: