grandparents letting teen get away with everything

thatgirlsam

Mojisola wrote: »

Support isn't enough - children need boundaries and consequences as well.

Which of these two households do you think is giving him what he needs?

Probably neither. Maybe both.
This is not a little boy/child we are talking about here. It's a young man. With mental health issues. The boundaries and consequences are not working very well are they. He is on the brink of becoming an adult, who is maybe going to make some very poor decisions. He does need support from all of his family before something goes horribly wrong.
Sorry to sound so dramatic. I left home when I was 16 because I didn't get along with my Mum. This resulted in some bad life decisions. I was an idiot! I think I've grown out of it now though :-)

FatVonD

Person_one wrote: »

I think you may be underestimating the seriousness of this young man's situation. Normal teen angst and rebellion does not generally land you in a PRU, excluded from mainstream education.

I'm not underestimating it at all. The OP has a son who is dealing with a huge surge in testosterone and bi polar at the same time. Given that she's brought him up without his father being around they have probably been exceptionally close and he will be pushing even harder than the average teenager to break that bond.

I don't think posters pointing the finger and suggesting the situation is due to bad parenting is very helpful, especially from posters that have those mid teenage years yet to come with their own children.

Blackpool_Saver

FatVonD wrote: »

I think some posters may be in for a bit of a shock when their own children hit the same age.

I'll say ;-)

Brewstersmum

pleasedelete wrote: »

Is he called Brewster? If so aren't you worried that your name and the content identifies him?

LOL no hes not called Brewster. but thank you, it has made me smile




there are bits people have picked up on such as me saying he can go out with his friends but cant go to the doctors, yes in hindsight its a bit cold sounding but the appointment was just a routine one. we go in for 2 minutes, the doc asks him how he is, she gives him a months supply of meds and leaves the rest to CAHMS. the end result was I rang the doc and explained the situation, she prescribed him his meds and rescheduled for weeks time.


Nicki I see where you are coming from but I took the afternoon off work for a 4.30 appointment. my sons school is 5 miles from the docs and home hence the bus pass he has. I was 15 miles in the opposite direction with no idea my car was going to seriously breakdown. if it hadn't of broken down I would of been there nice and early as I had planned.




ive had a chat with my son today and now hes had chance to calm down and reflect he apologised (sort of) and said he cant go to the doctors without me there as he doesn't want to say stuff in front of his granddad and also that he isn't brave enough to go in on his own. we do have a very close relationship and he confides in me a lot more than anyone else.
aw well he has another review tomorrow so we will see what that brings.


Thanks all for your replies. sometimes I just need to vent

FBaby

Have you informed yourself about bipolar disorder? He hasn't been diagnosed yet and therefore shouldn't be labelled with the disorder yet but one of the symptoms can be misdirected anger in addition to depression so a lot of his behaviour could possibly be down to it. Does he sleep well?

Brewstersmum

FBaby wrote: »

Have you informed yourself about bipolar disorder? He hasn't been diagnosed yet and therefore shouldn't be labelled with the disorder yet but one of the symptoms can be misdirected anger in addition to depression so a lot of his behaviour could possibly be down to it. Does he sleep well?

yes ive researched it a lot and spoken with the PRU staff about it. they have noticed his cycling behaviour where hes all focussed and determined to become a millionaire then a decline over a few days to depression. he is really focussed on the gym at the moment which is great and im hoping he keeps it up. in his manic phase he wants to be a body builder, he researches how to get bigger, better workouts, food etc then a few days later hes reaching out to cut himself its so distressing to see and obviously distressing for him. he recognises his ups and downs to but not when hes actually experiencing it IFGWIM. `he does sleep well but that's mainly because he burns himself out at the gym. hes not diagnosed but displays a lot of symptoms

Blackpool_Saver

Brewstersmum wrote: »

yes ive researched it a lot and spoken with the PRU staff about it. they have noticed his cycling behaviour where hes all focussed and determined to become a millionaire then a decline over a few days to depression. he is really focussed on the gym at the moment which is great and im hoping he keeps it up. in his manic phase he wants to be a body builder, he researches how to get bigger, better workouts, food etc then a few days later hes reaching out to cut himself its so distressing to see and obviously distressing for him. he recognises his ups and downs to but not when hes actually experiencing it IFGWIM. `he does sleep well but that's mainly because he burns himself out at the gym. hes not diagnosed but displays a lot of symptoms

Sounds like you have had a camera in my house, I so understand all that you say, many (((hugs))) It sure sounds like a mood disorder, including the lack of insight at the worst times, but the clarity after. They promise to be different BUT the truth is when the illness grips them they can't, this is why they appear never to learn from their mistakes.

Edited to add, as you are now disclosing further issues he has such as the cutting, I am hoping that previous unsympathetic posters will have more understanding of what you are dealing with. I know this for sure: Unless you have lived through this as a parent you have no clue. The normal discipline does not work.

moomoomama27

I've been through and to some extent am still going through this with my 16 year old daughter. Although she isn't at a PRU, she was excluded from school many times.

She too has bi polar, it's very difficult to parent, but the thing I have found is don't ever give up, be consistent and have boundaries, be firm, set ground rules. He will break them and disrespect you, but I found eventually my daughter got the message. She started to realise we weren't playing her games, and she lost control, as she was very manipulative.

Camhs were useless, but the YMCA were brilliant, at first she refused counselling, but a counsellor went to school and took a small group, and after a while she did join in.

I requested counselling and parent strategy course through Banardos. Which taught me how to parent a child with mental health problems,and gave me the confidence and tactics to deal with situations in the right way.

Sometimes we have big issues, but mostly it's blips now.

If I can offer advice, I'd say never give up!!!

maurice28

Brewstersmum wrote: »

ive had a chat with my son today and now hes had chance to calm down and reflect he apologised (sort of) and said he cant go to the doctors without me there as he doesn't want to say stuff in front of his granddad and also that he isn't brave enough to go in on his own. we do have a very close relationship and he confides in me a lot more than anyone else.
aw well he has another review tomorrow so we will see what that brings.

I know it led to him making a hurtful comment to you on the phone but I think the above is positive. He obviously feels close to you and despite the mood swings (which let's face it, all teenagers get, let alone those who might be bi-polar) wants you there for him.