grandparents letting teen get away with everything

FBaby

really, 10pm is considered early for a 16yo! That was my curfew and it sounds totally reasonable to me. Can see how some parents would want to flex this, but to be considered as VERY early for any 16yo seems odd.

Mojisola

Brewstersmum wrote: »

I arranged to collect him from school and take him. unfortunately my car broke down so I was stuck on the side of the road.

I phoned his granddad who said he would collect him for me and take him to the docs.

the docs is down the road, my son can go out all night with his friends but cant take himself to the doctors.

I get a phonecall at 3,30 and its my son going mad because im not there so the call goes like this :-

'sorry I cant be there my car has blown up'

'you f%^*ing waste of oxygen! im going out with my friends. f%^& you and grandad'

10pm my phone rings and my son tells me granddad wont pick him up. I tell him tough, you make your bed you lie in it.

you cant treat people like crap and get away with it so walk. I find out today that his granddad did actually go 5 mins later and fetch him.

Brewstersmum - I feel so sorry for you. If one of mine had talked to me like that in that situation, I'd have felt the same as you.

Being able to play you off against his grandparents is doing him no good at all.

Whatever plans you make for dealing with his future, they will fail unless you all pull together. Have you talked to your parents about why they won't stick to the rules you have set down? Did they parent you by letting you get away with whatever you wanted?

sulkisu

I can see both sides and I sympathise with OP, but to be honest, if I was in the grandparents shoes, I would be tempted to pack him off back to his mother and get back to a life of peace and quiet. If he didn't want to go - too bad.


OP doesn't mention how old GP are, but having raised their own child(ren), they now have the responsibility of doing it all over again, this time with a teenager with bi-polar and a host of other issues and can't do right for doing wrong.
I don't necessarily agree that 10.00 p.m is late for a 16 year old to be out, but TBH it doesn't matter what anyonelse thought at the time (including OP). The grandparents were responsible for him at the time (because he is living with them) and they decided to go and get him. If anything had happened to him, they are the ones that would have been (or felt) responsible. If they are letting him get away with things, perhaps that is the only way that they can deal with the various situations that arise. It can't be easy for anyone, but I suspect that it is hardest for the grandparents.

pleasedelete

Is he called Brewster? If so aren't you worried that your name and the content identifies him?

Morglin

FBaby wrote: »

really, 10pm is considered early for a 16yo! That was my curfew and it sounds totally reasonable to me. Can see how some parents would want to flex this, but to be considered as VERY early for any 16yo seems odd.

Well, I was 16 in the late 60's (oh gawd lol) and I wouldn't have gone in that early!:eek:

Mind you, I was out and working, so it wasn't really anything to do with my parents, really.

And, my kids would have thought I'd gone nuts if I had tried it with them!


Lin

FatVonD

Morglin wrote: »

Well, I was 16 in the late 60's (oh gawd lol) and I wouldn't have gone in that early!:eek:

Mind you, I was out and working, so it wasn't really anything to do with my parents, really.

And, my kids would have thought I'd gone nuts if I had tried it with them!


Lin

Me too, and that was travelling across London on the last tube home on my own.

Nicki

Mojisola wrote: »

Brewstersmum - I feel so sorry for you. If one of mine had talked to me like that in that situation, I'd have felt the same as you.

If one of my kids said that to me when I let them down for a trip to the cinema or dentist I agree.

If my child with diagnosed bipolar disorder, who is according to the OP going through a very difficult phase where his antidepressants aren't having the same effect as they did, and what I was late for (and in fact wasn't going to be able to make) was a doctor's appointment with him to help him explain how he was feeling and access more medical support, I would feel awful for a completely different reason.

OP, I have 3 children. One is severely disabled and has very regular medical appointments (neurologist, GP, Camhs, Physio - so at least 2 or 3 in a month). One is having ortho treatment so again has regular orthodentist check ups. The third just has a normal amount of medical checks. I work 4 days a week, and I always try either to get their appointments on my non working day off, or to swop my non working day and if neither is possible take a day or half day's leave to ensure there is no chance of getting held up on my way back from work and missing the appointment. Given you work 3 days a week and GPs are usually open 5 days a week, this could resolve one source of tension with your son. Given how big a deal bipolar is, and how it has the potential to destroy the whole of the rest of his life if he can't find ways to manage it, I'm sorry but my view is that you need to be 100% reliable for him when he is accessing support.

In your OP you expressed the view that he can manage to go out with his friends but can't get himself to the doctor, and that is a very cold thing to say in the circumstances of his actual diagnosis, particularly given that a lot of his behavioural issues are likely to be linked to his mental health condition.

fireyfirenze

the OP has already stated that she usually goes along to all his doctors appointments, had taken time off work to go with him and that it was just this one time - when her head gasket blew, car broke down and she couldn't get there, that she asked the grandad to go with him, so I'm not sure how relevant the previous post is to her situation

Nicki

fireyfirenze wrote: »

to I'm not sure how relevant the previous post is to her situation

Aren't you?

GPs surgeries almost always work on a catchment area basis being close to where you live. If an appointment is arranged after work hours (either after your finish time or with you arranging to finish work early) and you work a car journey away from where you live (as appears to be the case here), if your car breaks down or there is a traffic jam or accident, then you will miss the appointment. If you are at home, even if the car won't start, you can still get to the GP surgery in time for the appointment even if you have to ask the grandparent to pick the son up from the PRU if that isn't within walking distance and meet them there.

Morglin

FatVonD wrote: »

Me too, and that was travelling across London on the last tube home on my own.

Yeah, used to get the last train from Charing Cross home myself, after being up in the Kings Road, which was popular in those days lol

Lin