Time to start out on my own

xJOJOx_2

Cheer Tay,

Everything boiled down to find the strength to actually to leave the situation, it is extremely hard to do.

Lost my temper at a friend yesterday. Despite everything that has happened and what they've seen and I told them about, people keep trying to talk me to going back with him???? He may change???? I did flip out on her, so many people keep saying it and I finally lost it.

Ok, so in the public imagic he is a great guy, but those closes to me know enough to not want me to be in that situation. I dont know why anyone could think it could be acceptable to live that way. A stronger person that me would off left the first time (6 months pregnant or not). I know us being a couple helped a lot off people out, but why should I put up with that just so they can get freebies and someone to collect and deliver things for them?

I will never put myself through that ever again. He's had 4 and half years to change. Rant over (for now)

Off to town today (currently living in the middle of nowhere (apart from 10 small houses) I want to pick up a couple off furnishings which I've had my eye on in Argos (rug etc) But they were too expensive, been waiting them to go on sale since I've moved out. Got loads off items in my favourite list, and it's easy to check daily see if things have been reduced. Never pay for anything full price in Argos, as there always seams to be money off every other week. Also want to go too furniture finders (charity with second hand goods) see what they have there and work out what I may need to get brand new. Money received yesterday, will be put away until I get the keys, but I received my first payment from income support today, which I have budgeted to go towards small household items.

Counted penny jar yesterday and got enough to get dd some more ballet gear, think she has got everything on it's way now. I love eBay, saves you a small fortune xx

Monkeyballs

Hi Jojo,

Not sticking up for him at all but remember he may be out there telling all and sundry who knows what people are generally "good" but have a habit of believing bullsh*t without knowing all the facts... Don't let it get you down, it's none of their business anyway

Good luck with the hunt! When you go into places like Furniture Finders why not speak to the manager, tell him what you're looking for and leave a list of things you need? They may have something out back or be willing to give you a buzz when something from the list comes in?

MB x

nolongerindenial

a lot of people do not understand that psychological torture is so much worse physical torture, they may just see it as a few arguments, not you living in fear of him getting angry and kicking off again and potentially hurting you!

You have done the right thing - If I ever lifted a finger in anger to my DW or DS, I would be the one leaving without needing to be asked.

I have prided myself that to my son I may appear really angry, when in reality my heart rate is calm and normal and I walk out of his room and carry on working like nothings happened. The 3 times he has actually got me slightly angry I just walked out of it and went and sat in our bedroom for 10 minutes calming myself down.

As a male, a human there is no need for psychological torture (women are guilty of this as well - the number of men I have seen crying because the women has been spiteful and not let them see there children at pre agreed times is sould destroying)

xJOJOx_2

No longer in denial - yes I agree, it's definitely can be both ways.

Funny enough in my case, my ex actual see more off the children now we're not living together. I have seen women use their children as tools though, which is something I would never do despite everything that's happened. As long as he hasn't had a drink he can pick them up anytime.

xJOJOx_2

Monkeyballs wrote: »

Hi Jojo,

Not sticking up for him at all but remember he may be out there telling all and sundry who knows what people are generally "good" but have a habit of believing bullsh*t without knowing all the facts... Don't let it get you down, it's none of their business anyway


MB x

I know he's not said anything bad about me. He used the pressures off the job as a excuse as to why I've left, but in that situation you wouldn't tell the truth. I don't think he'll even admit it to himself to be truthful.

xJOJOx_2

Well I didn't buy the rug today, but brought myself toolbox and a couple off tools. Also got all the cleaning bits I'll need for the new house (except large items) figured best get them first.

Seen some good stuff at furniture finders, once I've got my confirmation letter off the council they said if I buy anything they will happily store items in the back til I get the house. Happy to let me know when items I'm looking for come in too

I can't til I get the house, looking forward to cleaning for 3 instead off 7 :-) this place ain't every tidy lol

vasseur

xJOJOx wrote: »

Well I didn't buy the rug today, but brought myself toolbox and a couple off tools. Also got all the cleaning bits I'll need for the new house (except large items) figured best get them first.

Seen some good stuff at furniture finders, once I've got my confirmation letter off the council they said if I buy anything they will happily store items in the back til I get the house. Happy to let me know when items I'm looking for come in too

I can't til I get the house, looking forward to cleaning for 3 instead off 7 :-) this place ain't every tidy lol

Have followed your story since the beginning and you're doing amazing (as you know). I'm a single parent too - different scenario though (i was left alone 3 weeks before my dd was born) but it's actually not so bad! The grass isn't always greener but I'm certainly happy this side of the fence It's nice to be the sole decision maker in the home from choosing furnishings to what to have for dinner and what to watch on TV. I'm certain that some of my 'coupled up' friends envy parts of my life. And I do envy some parts of theirs but at the end of the day you have to make the best of whichever situation you are in which is what you are doing.

You're already discovering strengths you never knew you had - I know more about how boilers work and basic car maintenance than I would do had I got married - lots of positives to being on your own

With regards to your new house (so exciting btw getting your own place!) Have you got a British Heart Foundation shop near you? We have one that sells loads of second hand furniture and new stuff too - I recently bought a new table and chairs set for £240 - it would probably have cost about £800 from any other shop. It's worth a look and they deliver too.

Good luck and keep posting!

*subscribes*......

xJOJOx_2

Hi vasseur

No we don't have a British heart foundation, here except for a small clothes and usual bric and brac. We have a st Luke's furniture store, ones with has sofas and dinning room tables, forgot about it til just read your read, so will nip there on Monday and have a look. It's not exactly cheap but it's really high quality items and I've yet to source a sofa, however there is a reasonable priced new one on eBay.

Xxx

On another note my ex seams to be getting himself in to shap. Since I've left the pub all my responsibilities have just been put on him without a thank you or any pay increase. Also the boss trying to use the rooms for people visiting etc which isn't approximate when it's set up as a family room. I showed him him some houses on right move and he's booked a appointment to see one on Monday. He's also set up direct debits to pay money for the children every two weeks. He would never do stuff like that and left everything for me or it didn't get done. Things between us are really good, like friends. Him getting away from the pub will be great for him and make him a better parent for the girls. Although, he refused to move before when I tried, now he's having to deal with things first hand, his eyes had been opened. At first I worried about the girls seeing him (before drink always came first) but he seams to be stepping up a little. He's still drinking, but at least not before getting the girls.

xJOJOx_2

Keys haven't been handed in yet to the house, so still awaiting. Even though I really really want to move in and get going more time means more money to set up.

Got a few jobs done today, appointments phone calls etc etc alps picked up some more bits for my house. Got lots off bits and bots for the kitchen, apart from a tin opener doh. some items weren't on my list but things I will need along the way, will need to jot them down so don't rebut by accident!

Been thinking about more practical things for when I move in,

Electric/gas supplier etc.

cooking first week until cooker arrives - need to look up easy slow cooker receipes where no pre cooking required

Budgeting/meal planning

General running house, old style moneysaving to keep costs down

Growing own veg etc/ making own compost

Routine etc (can finally have one for the children)

Been browsing on boards, but so many pages, so need to keep going. Done lots and lots off reading. Just need to start writing things down (planning etc)

At my friends for tea tonight, then going out for a while. Can have a proper chat with someone for a change. It's been sooo long

Xx

Monkeyballs

Do you realise this thread started one month ago today?

Starting on 04/05/14, you've come so far in such a short period of time

You clearly have everything in hand, I'm actually quite proud of you enjoy your evening x

MB