Time to start out on my own

cottage_retreatist

morning jojo - just wanted to check you were ok? and hope the move with your sister goes ok - remember anything you don't take now, so long as you and the little one are safe that's all that matters.

xx

xJOJOx_2

So I'm at my sisters now. She's giving me her room, so can try and stick with the girls bedtime routine.

Took the older girl to her first dance class, wanted to keep some normality. She loved it.

Feeling very tired and low. Hoping for a good nights sleep.

Picked up mattress today so that's one thing ticked off, lots more to do xx

nolongerindenial

You take care of yourelf and yur kids. Your out of the worst of it now and hopefully you can look forward and upwards now

xJOJOx_2

Scrubbed my sisters kitchen today, want to help out, especially as there's 9 people in the house. Will try and do a bit each day.

Need to ring up about my housing application, as can't add changes until application approved.

Will pick up wages tomorrow, pop money into bank and see what's left. Will need nappies, baby milk and a little food for the week. Sister is feeding me but I will need to cook a few times a week, fairs fair. Don't fancy cooking for 9 but I'm sure I can think off some easy nice meals :-)

Oh I better ring council tax up and let them know I've gone.

Not sure what else I need to do today....? Will have another nosey through Facebook pages to see if anything else worth having.

Feeling better I've made the move, know I won't have to put up with anything else!! The joint manager sad I've gone, he's hoping I'll be back!

Monkeyballs

xJOJOx wrote: »

Sister is feeding me but I will need to cook a few times a week, fairs fair. Don't fancy cooking for 9 but I'm sure I can think off some easy nice meals :-)!

You're sounding extremely positive and organised well done you!

Cooking for 9? Yowwch!!! Sounds like it's time to pull out the pasta lol nothing like a chuffing great Spag Bol I say

MB x

Polk

Hey Jojo,

I've been following this thread on and off.
Just wanted to:
a) add my support - making the decision to leave the person that you used to love is incredibly hard. It took me 6 months to tell the ex that I didn't love her any more and I needed to leave. It was the best decision I ever made even though I still feel that I walked out on my son. (I get to see him every other weekend so it's not so bad). you've achieved that now and it really isn't so bad on the other side because you have taken the difficult decision already. Everything from now on happens because you decide it's going to happen.(And don't forget you are entitled to a certain portion of his wages for child maintenance. Only involve the CSA if you absolutely have to)

b) It sounds like you are setting yourself up in the right way. Whatever happens DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO USE A CREDIT CARD to set yourself up again. I did this, got it wrong and ended up having to commit to a Debt Relief Order because I got too far in and couldn't turn it around again. (On the plus side, I've got pretty much everything I need so I don't need to buy more)

girlatplay

Hi Jojo

I have just seen your thread today and I have quickly scanned through it. I was in a very similar situation to you a few years ago. I used to get beaten every weekend after he had been drinking. Right before I left him it was almost every night. I only had (have) one child though, not two. I don't want to go into too much detail as it is your thread, not mine.

I just want to say that you have absolutely made the right decision. He will make up lies that you will probably be shocked at. I wasn't easily shocked before, but absolutely nothing shocks me now.

It sounds like you have it all in hand but just to confirm, apply for all the benefits that you can. You might not be entitled to them all but you won't know if you don't apply. You will get back on your feet and you will get back into work but the main priority here is to get your children and yourself into safety. Once you get settled you can get back on track.

Definitely contact Women's Aid. I'm sorry, I can't remember who said that but it is good advice.

It sounds like you will be able to get a good reference from your boss. You might be able to get work in a pub during the daytime only. I worked part time in an office in the afternoons and my DD went to a childminder. I got working tax credits that paid towards childcare.

After leaving my ex, it took me 5 years to get back on my feet, pay off all my debt and sort my life out. I then got a mortgage over a small flat which we now call our lovely home. My DD doesn't see her dad, due to his behaviour. She is a lovely girl though and I am so proud of her. I am glad I made the decisions I did. I might not be here now if I hadn't.

If you ever want to PM me, feel free.

I will subscribe to your diary to keep up with how you are getting on.

((((hugs))))

gap

foxgloves

Wow xjojox. Well done you! It sounds as though you have done absolutely the right thing for your children & yourself. There's very little you can do to help change people whose first priority is to drink themselves into oblivion via the usual alcoholic's stopping off points of self pity, self-loathing & rage. They have to want to change for themselves & first that means admitting they have a big massive problem. Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your 'escape' & setting up your new life. Yes, it will sometimes feel like slower progress than you'd like, & it will doubtless be hard work, but it will be YOUR life that you are making good & secure for yourself & your children so it's worth putting the time into it to get it right. Yes, 9 is a lot of people to cook for! I'm thinking pasta, cheesy mash or tuna melt jacket potatoes! All filling & inexpensive to make.....esp with Aldi's 49p tins of tuna, which make lovely tuna melt jackets. Lots of luck...& be strong, you know what? You've already done the hardest part.
f x

GettingOrganised

Hi JoJo, I saw your thread earlier in the week and I didn't comment as I couldn't really offer any advice, I did admire your decision though - what a tough position to be in and it must have been incredibly hard to reach your conclusion.

Now, reading your update, I just had to post to say how amazing you are for doing what you are doing. You made your mind up and have gone through with it, and judging by the tones of your more recent posts, it's already having a positive effect on you.

Please keep strong, it may get worse before it gets better, but you know you're doing the right thing and soon this will all be in the past.

xJOJOx_2

Hi everyone and thanks for your posts. It was really nice to wake up and read them all.

Applied for some benefits and that yesterday and resent my housing application form with new details.

My best friend came round last, she's been speaking to one off my other good friends who is going out with my boss. He wants me back and has said that he will make my ex move and do anything to make me feel secure better. That I don't have to do bar hours, just look after the place. Open/lock up, take deliveries and offer support to staff. Os I may be able to return back that, as long as I can do something so I feel completely secure. I haven't spoke to him yet, still feel overwhelmed. Sent him a email telling everything what had been going on and apologies for my quick escape.

Ill do continue on the road I'm currently on but see what happens re my old house and job. I have worked very hard to get where I've got so having the option off not giving it up does cheer me up a bit.

I need to start thinking what to do with the children. One point I haven't said is when he's not drinking he is a very good guy, it just it's been a while since then. I don't want him having the children whilst drinking or been drinking. He pretty much just falls a sleeps and neglects them. I use to play ladies darts on weds but had to give it up as he would be so drunk (by 7.30) he would be incapable off looking after the children. The few times I was mistaken and went down to play, I had his daughter (12) come down crying as she couldn't wake her dad, she had changed the babies nappy but didn't know how to feed her. I was actually in the middle off a match, managed to wake him and all he did was lay in to his daughter about how she should help out. I was mortified! Times I heard baby crying, gone up, he's fast asleep. And another time (he'd had the children half hour) he came down going crazy saying I was taking the !!!! etc etc. he's also burst into tears during the day saying he can't cope with the kids (he was hungover) really worried about him having them while I'm not around but don't want to cut off access either. Need to think off a suitable compromise.

Xx hope everyone is well and happy

Ps cooking pasta for tea :-)