Long term singleton

marisco_2

barbarawright wrote: »

I know it's not weird. However the OP appears to think that being single over the age of 35 'raises further questions'.

That is what you do though when you start dating someone. Not in a sit down with a clipboard and please fill out this questionnaire kind of way. More that through relaxed conversation you find out all about each other over time. A person I was dating could ask me anything they wanted about myself and my life, and I would be completely open and honest with them. If anything about myself or my past caused them concern, I would be happy to talk things through with them. I would hope a guy would feel comfy enough around me to be the same way. If you don't take that kind of approach when you start to get to know someone, it is unlikely things will progress to anything long term and serious.

SailorSam

marisco wrote: »

A person could ask me anything they wanted about myself and my life, and I would be completely open and honest with them.

First question then, can i have your phone number ?

London_Town

This is an interesting debate to follow.

I've been with my partner for 8 years now, but was single for many years before that. I don't think there needs to be anything amiss with someone choosing to be single, whatever age they are.

As a number of posters have already stated, the worst thing of all is when people stay in empty or toxic relationships because they're terrified of being alone. This is depressingly common.

I once had a colleague who was almost incredulous that I lived alone and was single. Why?!! To them, it was like I was breathing under water or something. For goodness sake.....

Hermia

London_Town wrote: »

This is an interesting debate to follow.

I've been with my partner for 8 years now, but was single for many years before that. I don't think there needs to be anything amiss with someone choosing to be single, whatever age they are.

As a number of posters have already stated, the worst thing of all is when people stay in empty or toxic relationships because they're terrified of being alone. This is depressingly common.

I once had a colleague who was almost incredulous that I lived alone and was single. Why?!! To them, it was like I was breathing under water or something. For goodness sake.....

I have had that many times. One woman said to me, "but what on earth do you do with your time, what do you do on the weekends??!!!!!". Errr, shall I provide a list?

It is sad there is such prejudice about long-term singles. I have a couple of friends who were very late to the dating game because they were full-time carers from their teens onwards. By the time they were free and able to jump into a social life they encountered such negative attitudes.

sax11

Kimberley wrote: »

Some people go from relationship to relationship and are frightened to being on their own, I'd worry more about those people.

Why worry about someone who is frightened to be on their own.

I absolutely hate being single. Miss the company, the social side, someone to talk too.
Not everyone wants to jump from relationship to the next but having someone you can spend time with isn't a bad thing.

Netwizard

I've been single all my life. I'm 30 next month. Is there something wrong with me? Well not in my head but I do have a disability which probably puts a lot of people off.

My friends don't give a toss about my relationship status and don't give a toss about my disability, so i'm quite happy just having good friends.

Having just come back from Belgium yesterday, I'm off to France in 3 weeks! Not sure i'd have time for this dating malarkey anyway!!

PasturesNew

Apart from one 2.5 months of dating, I've been single for nearly 24 years now..... clearly doomed.

PasturesNew

Hermia wrote: »

I...what on earth do you do with your time, what do you do on the weekends

I'd have probably pointed out that single people have double the "workload" that couples do as they have to do everything.... all the shopping, all the cleaning, all the errand running - and even errands can take longer as you can't benefit from being in a couple with things such as "I'll wait outside on the yellow lines while you nip in, if I see a traffic warden I'll go round the block". Other things take longer as you're more likely to take longer over something you've no skills for. A couple's got more chance one of them's better/faster at doing one of those things.

SandC

PasturesNew wrote: »

The sort of people who would judge/question it aren't the sort of people you'd want to mix with, or care yourself about their opinions...... small-minded smug people have usually "settled" for the sort of sub-standard species that singletons of long-standing have been knocking back for years as they are so inadequate they can't bear to be alone.

Oh I so need to quote that next time someone looks at me all sad cos of my single status, made me chuckle!

fatpiggy

Oh dear! I'm now 49 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship. I didn't do very well in the looks department and unfortunately most of my interest are rather masculine which I think possibly puts men off because I'm treading on their territory. I'm reasonably well educated (degree level), well read and have a wide range of interests. I'm out doing things most evenings of the week so it isn't as if I lock myself away. But sadly the only men who have ever shown any serious interest in me are the married ones looking for a bit on the side, and there have been plenty of them. Clearly that is all I am worth. These experiences have also made me very wary of men, and frankly I don't think I could ever bring me to trust one. So I am locked in a vicious circle I suppose. It isn't that I can't bear to be alone, I've been on my own all my life, but it is very hard and expensive being single. Having no-one at all to turn to when things have gone badly wrong is probably the worst thing of all.