Have I right to ask the ex to meet the girlfriend

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • NYGiantsNYGiants Forumite
    545 Posts
    welshone1 wrote: »
    Not at all my concerns are of my son going away with someone i dont know and outside of this country she could be as flakey as him for all i know this is my point

    As parents you are both equally responsible for the childs safety and welfare; as the Resident Parent it doesn't trump him as NRP, you are both equally responsible.

    I bet you wouldn't seek his approval if the shoe was on the other foot ans you wanted to go abroad with a new partner.

    You are making it sound like she must meet your approval, where she has already met his. That should be enough.

    You shouldn't be required to approve all his approvals.

    https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/what-is-parental-responsibility
    "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money"
  • NYGiantsNYGiants Forumite
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    On another thread you talk about getting a lodger, did you seek approval from your ex first?
    "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money"
  • edited 1 May 2014 at 4:03PM
    welshone1welshone1 Forumite
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    edited 1 May 2014 at 4:03PM
    NYGiants wrote: »
    As parents you are both equally responsible for the childs safety and welfare; as the Resident Parent it doesn't trump him as NRP, you are both equally responsible.

    I bet you wouldn't seek his approval if the shoe was on the other foot ans you wanted to go abroad with a new partner.

    You are making it sound like she must meet your approval, where she has already met his. That should be enough.

    You shouldn't be required to approve all his approvals.

    https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/what-is-parental-responsibility

    When i meet my partner he was not introduced to my kids for 6 months, and my ex made it very clear that he was to know everything about him before he meet my current partner.
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    When i meet my partner he was not introduced to my kids for 6 months, and my ex made it very clear that he was to know everything about him before he meet my current partner.

    Sauce for the goose......
  • welshone1welshone1 Forumite
    131 Posts
    I would just like to confirm that people who have mentioned if the shoe was on the other the foot, i would expect the same question asked and in which it was and i agreed. This post was about my son going away with his Dad and a gf that i know nothing about and ABROAD. Im sure if the negative people who have posted on here were in the same boat they would re think slighty. And if not i would then be a little worried.
  • POPPYOSCARPOPPYOSCAR Forumite
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    Exactly.

    I really don't understand those accusing OP of being controlling and unreasonable.

    Surely you'd want to know whether a woman your child was going to be spending a week with was, for example a raging alcoholic, drug addict, or not?

    Surely it's only natural to want to know whether she seems like she actually likes the child or whether there's any obvious signs of animosity?

    Having an ex who did have a girlfriend who was an alcoholic and who did put my child at risk, and who did harm my child through drunken stupidity, I can completely understand where OP is coming from. Not all new partners are people who you would have no problem leaving your child with.

    I'm sure the new girlfriend is a perfectly nice, stable person, but OP owes it to her child to make sure and owes it to herself to put her own mind at risk before packing her son off with them.

    Can you doubters honestly say, hand on heart, you would be perfectly happy sending your 7yo child off with an ex who doesn't behave particularly well and a complete stranger? I know I wouldn't.

    This is no guarantee of anything.

    I know someone who met the partner, who came across as normal and nice. However, he went on to do something to one of the children that he ended up in court for.
  • POPPYOSCARPOPPYOSCAR Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    I would just like to confirm that people who have mentioned if the shoe was on the other the foot, i would expect the same question asked and in which it was and i agreed. This post was about my son going away with his Dad and a gf that i know nothing about and ABROAD. Im sure if the negative people who have posted on here were in the same boat they would re think slighty. And if not i would then be a little worried.

    Are you worried they might not come back?
  • peachypricepeachyprice Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    This is no guarantee of anything.

    I know someone who met the partner, who came across as normal and nice. However, he went on to do something to one of the children that he ended up in court for.

    Of course it's no guarantee, but at least you'd be in with a better chance of having an idea of the sort of person they were than if you didn't meet them at all.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • NYGiantsNYGiants Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    When i meet my partner he was not introduced to my kids for 6 months, and my ex made it very clear that he was to know everything about him before he meet my current partner.

    To answer the original question..

    Yes you have every right to ask, but don't expect him to jump to your demands.

    You are no longer in a relationship with your ex so you can't expect to try and control him through your child.
    "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money"
  • edited 1 May 2014 at 5:43PM
    iammumtooneiammumtoone Forumite
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    edited 1 May 2014 at 5:43PM
    To put another spin on it, I wonder what responses someone would get if they were happily married to their child's father and posted something along the lines of

    Our 7 year old child sees a relation of ours regularly but they have never spent more than 1 night away from us both. This relation wants to take them away for a week aboard with their new partner who is someone neither of us have meet. I am not happy with the child going without either of us having meet the new partner, what should we do?

    Would the answers be the same bearing in mine we are talking about a young child who has never spend more than one night away.
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