Have I right to ask the ex to meet the girlfriend

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • welshone1welshone1 Forumite
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    pimento wrote: »
    Understood but the court has deemed her ex OK to have unsupervised access and I bet if the boot were on the other foot and the OP wanted to take their son abroad with her new boyfriend, she would be on here moaning about it if the child's father had asked to meet him first.


    It was not the court that agreed it was a private agreement made via our solicitors becuase he kept letting my little boy.
  • NYGiantsNYGiants Forumite
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    Bluemeanie wrote: »
    It sounds like you are still trying to control your ex.

    I was just about to write the same thing but you beat me to it..
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  • edited 1 May 2014 at 1:05PM
    welshone1welshone1 Forumite
    131 Posts
    edited 1 May 2014 at 1:05PM
    NYGiants wrote: »
    I was just about to write the same thing but you beat me to it..

    Not at all my concerns are of my son going away with someone i dont know and outside of this country she could be as flakey as him for all i know this is my point
  • duchyduchy Forumite
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    That's a bit harsh. My ex came to me and said he and his latest girlfriend both wanted to take their kids away and as it was still early days in their relationship he wanted to run it past me about them all going together.

    I simply said that even though I trusted his judgement as a Dad as I hadn't met her I'd feel more comfortable meeting her first as a week is a longish time. He said he'd expected that so I invited them both to my new house the weekend after we moved. I liked her and was comfortable.

    The following weekend we all went to the travel agents and booked it which confused the heck out of the agent but I used to be a travel agent and my ex wanted my opinion on what they were booking as I knew more about it than he and his new lady did.





    Bluemeanie wrote: »
    Again, what I meant you just have a better way of putting it.

    Take offence all you like, but that is the way it appears to me. You basically want to dictate who he goes on holiday with under the guise of concern of your son. What on earth do you think she is going to do to him? And as I said what are you going to glean from her in half an hour? I would trust my Husband's judgement if we split up. If I didn't I certainly wouldn't have had a child with someone if I didn't trust them to look after out child. Your basically saying you think he would let harm come to his son. I'm not surprised he has refused. It's just another control thing and kids being used as a weapon. You should be glad your son has a stable environment and your ex is willing to take him away. Some Dad's just aren't interested and as usual, one that is trying get's dictated to/controlled.
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  • Lily-Rose_3Lily-Rose_3 Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    I'm not a Troll i am a mum who worries about her children, i m glad that certain people have perfect lives. But thingsare not always black & white and thank you to the the positive reponse from some posters and understanding where im going with this.

    Yes I would definitely want to meet this woman and would want to know everything about her if she was spending a week with MY kids.

    Maybe she is fine, and a nice person, and will treat your child well, but I am a paranoid penguin and don't trust anyone!!! :eek:

    You're probably the same :D

    Nothing wrong with being over cautious! :)
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  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Lily-Rose wrote: »
    Yes I would definitely want to meet this woman and would want to know everything about her if she was spending a week with MY kids.

    Maybe she is fine, and a nice person, and will treat your child well, but I am a paranoid penguin and don't trust anyone!!! :eek:

    You're probably the same :D

    Nothing wrong with being over cautious! :)

    I think a lot of parents would feel this way and, if the relationship can be kept good enough for both parents introduce their new OHs to their exs, the children probably benefit.

    However there is no legal standing for one parent to insist on this unless there are known problems like drug abuse or violence. Even then, I don't think you could insist on meeting the new OH but you may be able to stop them spending time with the children.
  • Ms_ChocaholicMs_Chocaholic Forumite
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    Mojisola - I don't think you can stop any ex-partner's new partner spending time with the children per se UNLESS you have confirmed safeguarding concerns.
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  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    However there is no legal standing for one parent to insist on this unless there are known problems like drug abuse or violence. Even then, I don't think you could insist on meeting the new OH but you may be able to stop them spending time with the children.
    Mojisola - I don't think you can stop any ex-partner's new partner spending time with the children per se UNLESS you have confirmed safeguarding concerns.

    That's what I meant.
  • swingalooswingaloo Forumite
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    Looking at this from another side-

    I was the new girlfriend and we took my partners child on holiday for a week. I had met the child a few times prior to this.

    However as a mum myself I wanted to meet the ex just so I could put her mind at ease. My partner didn't see why I needed to as he's a capable dad but as I said to him 'Your ex knows nothing about me, I would rather we met so I can show her that her daughter is comfortable with me and that Im a caring and capable person who has been a mum and not some kind of heavy drinking 19 years old who will find holidaying with a child to be a burden'.

    As a mum myself I wanted to reassure the childs mum.
    I think if the OPs ex has a decent partner she will want to put the mums mind at rest, seems second nature to me.
  • edited 1 May 2014 at 3:35PM
    peachypricepeachyprice Forumite
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    edited 1 May 2014 at 3:35PM
    swingaloo wrote: »
    Looking at this from another side-

    I was the new girlfriend and we took my partners child on holiday for a week. I had met the child a few times prior to this.

    However as a mum myself I wanted to meet the ex just so I could put her mind at ease. My partner didn't see why I needed to as he's a capable dad but as I said to him 'Your ex knows nothing about me, I would rather we met so I can show her that her daughter is comfortable with me and that Im a caring and capable person who has been a mum and not some kind of heavy drinking 19 years old who will find holidaying with a child to be a burden'.

    As a mum myself I wanted to reassure the childs mum.
    I think if the OPs ex has a decent partner she will want to put the mums mind at rest, seems second nature to me.

    Exactly.

    I really don't understand those accusing OP of being controlling and unreasonable.

    Surely you'd want to know whether a woman your child was going to be spending a week with was, for example a raging alcoholic, drug addict, or not?

    Surely it's only natural to want to know whether she seems like she actually likes the child or whether there's any obvious signs of animosity?

    Having an ex who did have a girlfriend who was an alcoholic and who did put my child at risk, and who did harm my child through drunken stupidity, I can completely understand where OP is coming from. Not all new partners are people who you would have no problem leaving your child with.

    I'm sure the new girlfriend is a perfectly nice, stable person, but OP owes it to her child to make sure and owes it to herself to put her own mind at risk before packing her son off with them.

    Can you doubters honestly say, hand on heart, you would be perfectly happy sending your 7yo child off with an ex who doesn't behave particularly well and a complete stranger? I know I wouldn't.
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