Have I right to ask the ex to meet the girlfriend

POPPYOSCAR

This is not about going on holiday - it is about the child spending time with his father.

As you say the OP has had to encourage the ex to spend time with their child surely she would welcome the opportunity?

If the Op refuses to let the child go with the father purely because she has not met the girlfriend this could escalate into problems for the future.

That is what I mean by the child suffers in the end.

FBaby

I do think that a child could easily feel left out by a parent going on a holiday with a partner and not taking them. The question is how the child woud feel knowing it is the other parent who stopped it.

POPPYOSCAR

cazziebo wrote: »

I think they suffer if one parent makes it difficult for them - the child - to maintain a healthy relationship with the other parent. Holidays are part of that.

Exactly this.

Mojisola

cazziebo wrote: »

I think they suffer if one parent makes it difficult for them - the child - to maintain a healthy relationship with the other parent. Holidays are part of that.

But it doesn't have to be a week away abroad. It could be a three/four night break in the UK.

In welshone1's place, I would want to see that the father was going to be able to cope over a longer period than Saturday night to Sunday afternoon before letting him take their son abroad.

POPPYOSCAR

Mojisola wrote: »

But it doesn't have to be a week away abroad. It could be a three/four night break in the UK.

In welshone1's place, I would want to see that the father was going to be able to cope over a longer period than Saturday night to Sunday afternoon before letting him take their son abroad.

Quite possibly.

But again what does this have to do with meeting the girlfriend?

Mojisola

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Quite possibly.

But again what does this have to do with meeting the girlfriend?

If I was in welshone1's position, it would be for two reasons - one, that it was a reciprocal arrangement in that he had insisted on meeting her new partner; and, two - the father doesn't have a good track record of looking after his son and it's possible the GF is going to be doing a lot of the caring - I'd want to know if she knew anything about children and just get a feel for what she's like.

The son has said she's nice but that he doesn't want to spend time at her house (how's he going to feel about them all sharing a family room in a hotel abroad?) and welshone1 has been called to take their son home when he was ill (that wouldn't be possible if they were abroad).

I think it's one of those things that people just aren't going to agree on but that doesn't matter because it's what welshone1 decides that's right for her son that's important.

duchy

If the father is insisting he meets any prospective partners but refuses the mother the same courtesy with his own girlfriends he is either playing power games or has something to hide. My son wouldn't be going in either scenario and he can bleat about his rights all he likes. My sons welfare comes first .

Katem

There's nothing unreasonable about asking to meet the person your child is going to be spending a week with. Even in a half hour meeting over coffee, you will get some idea of what kind of person she is, and I think as a parent, you are entitled to that - a good analogy was the one posted previously where someone said that if it were a relative other than a parent (i.e. a grandparent) you'd want to meet the new partner.

However, have you considered what would happen if you did meet the new girlfriend and DIDN'T like her? Are you going to put the kibosh on the holiday? What if you just felt that she wasn't your type of person? What if she gave you the impression that she was a drug crazed alcoholic arsonist who ate small children? I think you have to think very carefully about what you're going to do AFTER this meeting.

pimento wrote: »

Is there a particular reason why a seven year old has never been apart from his mother for more than one night?.

As an aside, my 8 yr old daughter hasn't been apart from a parent for more than one night. She's only ever slept in our house (other than on holiday/hotels etc) and never slept at anyone else's house or anything like that. The reason is that I have no overnight babysitters available, and I'm sure there are loads of parents who have this problem - I don't think it's an unusual situation to have children who've never been apart from a parent.

welshone1

duchy wrote: »

If the father is insisting he meets any prospective partners but refuses the mother the same courtesy with his own girlfriends he is either playing power games or has something to hide. My son wouldn't be going in either scenario and he can bleat about his rights all he likes. My sons welfare comes first .

You hit the nail on the head he has always played games with me and he has stuff to hide cause he has called me rotten to the new gf. And I know this for facts.

FBaby

Even in a half hour meeting over coffee, you will get some idea of what kind of person she is, and I think as a parent, you are entitled to that - a good analogy was the one posted previously where someone said that if it were a relative other than a parent (i.e. a grandparent) you'd want to meet the new partner.

I don't think you can get a good idea at all of how someone is likely to act around your child meeting them over coffee for 1/2 hour. If she happens to be nice and reassuring, how can you be assured that she is not putting on a front, telling you what you want to hear, saying what your ex told her to say and do, just to keep you away? For all you know, you might think she is a lovely girl when actually she is a wonderful actress.

I totally understand the anxiety that most parents feel when their children face a new experience without us being right there next to them just in case, but that's something we as parents need to deal with rather than overloading our feelings on others. Surely it comes down to one thing: Is the child excited at the prospect of going or anxious (without mum sharing her anxieties with him)?