Separating - am I entitled to anything?

neverdespairgirl

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Second issue: All the years you were home maker and child raiser enabled the husband to be able to work and further his career, and pay off his mortgage. So yes you should get a settlement either way.

The using of the word "husband" in this post shows that you've missed something very crucial - they aren't married. It's very different in the case of married and unmarried couples.

Blackpool_Saver

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

The using of the word "husband" in this post shows that you've missed something very crucial - they aren't married. It's very different in the case of married and unmarried couples.

You are correct of course, but surely even without actual marriage there is still entitlement?

BitterAndTwisted

Nope, no wedding cert, no property in joint names, no contributions towards the household expenses equals no automatic entitlement.

Marriage is never "just a stupid little piece of paper" most especially where property is concerned

Blackpool_Saver

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Nope, no wedding cert, no property in joint names, no contributions towards the household expenses equals no automatic entitlement.

Marriage is never "just a stupid little piece of paper" most especially where property is concerned

Well no I understand all that BUT they were contributing by raising the children and keeping the home so the other person could work.
The law needs changing to reflect modern ways. OP I hope you can step back and give this a lot more thought.

lostinrates

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Well no I understand all that BUT they were contributing by raising the children and keeping the home so the other person could work.
The law needs changing to reflect modern ways. OP I hope you can step back and give this a lot more thought.

Some people actively choose NOT to commit or tie themselves down financially, That's why marriage or partnership remains a choice, and in my opinion should. However, its an argument for another day.

The important thing ATM is OP and that she both feel supported in her decision making, has good access to support and doesn't commit to something without feeling very certain its the right move for her family and her.

neverdespairgirl

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

You are correct of course, but surely even without actual marriage there is still entitlement?

Not necessarily. You need to prove it, and probably take it to court. And there's certainly nothing automatically entitled.

barbiedoll

Emma, have you had post-natal depression? Have you ever sought help for your problems? There is no mental health issue that cannot be helped and/or treated and no matter how bad a mother you think you are, you clearly care for your partner and your children.

Please, please seek some help, your GP would be a good place to start.

Also try some websites...

For any mental health issues....

http://www.sane.org.uk/

Specifically for post-natal depression...

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression/#.U2ABi1cRkZ0

And for someone to talk to if it just gets too much...

http://www.samaritans.org/

There is someone out there who can help you. Please just ask.

GoldenShadow

This thread makes me incredibly sad.

To begin with, I think the amount of judgement from some posters is completely uncalled for. I, too, think that if this was a father as opposed to a mother, responses would not be as they are.

Lets not forget, raising children for seven years means the OP has sacrificed her potential working life for all of that time. As for 'she hasn't contributed a farthing' no, some may argue she's contributed an awful lot that one simply cannot put a price on, ie. bearing and raising three children, the majority of the time by herself..!

Honestly sometimes I really struggle to have faith in the human race as a whole.

OP, please do not dwell on some on the few negative posts here. Some people are incapable of seeing the wood from the trees because they'e got caught up in 'omg a Mum who wants to leave her babies!!!!!' instead of a Mum who has mental health issues and believes it is in her family's best interests to be without her.

Please, please, please go to your GP or similar (unsure if you currently receive support for your mental health). Sometimes it really does feel easier to run away, wipe the slate clean and effectively remove yourself when you think that all the bad is down to you. Whether this decision ends up being the right one or the wrong one, I really think you need some support from the right people, and I fear that there are too many judgemental people on this thread who fail to understand that.

Barbiedoll has posted some brilliant links. Do not feel bad for talking to people, resources are there to be used by those who need them. I'm around/have internet access most of the week if you ever want someone to talk to/rant at via PM.

I think its really brave of you to even contemplate this decision, but I think it would be really good to seek advice from those who do understand your mental health issues more and are able to help you make this decision. I find it really hard to be rational and find that an outside perspective (from people who understand my issues) is really valuable.

Take care xx

neverdespairgirl

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Well no I understand all that BUT they were contributing by raising the children and keeping the home so the other person could work.
The law needs changing to reflect modern ways. OP I hope you can step back and give this a lot more thought.

Why? You can still marry before or while you have children, there's no obvious reason why that choice (married or not married) should be removed by making the two states the same.

sax11

If this whole scenario was man leaves woman the claws would be out!