Separating - am I entitled to anything?

fivetide

thriftyemma wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies so far.
I didn't realise I would have to pay child maintenance. If I got a job, it would be minimum wage. Would this have any effect on what I would have to pay?

I was not expecting anything in the way of ongoing maintenance for myself, I was thinking more of splitting assests. OH owned first house before I met him. He bought second house, that we now live in, while we were together. As we agreed that I would stay at home to raise children, I was unable to work, and as such unable to contribute financially. I guess I hoped that would be taken in to consideration. But then, we're not married, so maybe not.

With HB, as I am under 35, it seems I would be potentially entitled to shared room rate. Does this mean I could only use the HB if I was in a shared house? I have no clue how it works.

Fivetide. This is not a decision I am making lightly. I have complex mental health issues, which affect my daily life. I am utterly heartbroken at the thought of leaving my babies, but it is best all round if I do.I understand there will be a huge emotional fallout from my actions, but I believe this way is the lesser of two evils. But that is not what I am seeking advice on.

That makes sense as you can see, even if it isn't what you were asking about it is an important part of what will happen from here on out so it is worth being clear.

In terms of are you entitled to anything, well I know a friend of mine did end up splitting assets with along term partner but I think the fact they'd been together for over 10 years swung it. I'm not sure of the consideration for the seven year period you have.

If the split is amicable then you might find your OH is open to some suggestion, especially if you can find a way to maintain contact with your little ones at all. If he is a high earner, will he be able to give them the time needed for example? Could you work with him on a plan to manage school holidays etc?

I am sure you have professional support if this is an ongoing issue so please do talk it over with them. I wouldn't want you to do something that seems the best action now because things are getting on top of you when it is something you might regret later.

Best of luck with it all.

thorsoak

thriftyemma wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies so far.
I didn't realise I would have to pay child maintenance. If I got a job, it would be minimum wage. Would this have any effect on what I would have to pay?

I was not expecting anything in the way of ongoing maintenance for myself, I was thinking more of splitting assests. OH owned first house before I met him. He bought second house, that we now live in, while we were together. As we agreed that I would stay at home to raise children, I was unable to work, and as such unable to contribute financially. I guess I hoped that would be taken in to consideration. But then, we're not married, so maybe not.

With HB, as I am under 35, it seems I would be potentially entitled to shared room rate. Does this mean I could only use the HB if I was in a shared house? I have no clue how it works.

Fivetide. This is not a decision I am making lightly. I have complex mental health issues, which affect my daily life. I am utterly heartbroken at the thought of leaving my babies, but it is best all round if I do.I understand there will be a huge emotional fallout from my actions, but I believe this way is the lesser of two evils. But that is not what I am seeking advice on.

You would still be expected to pay child maintenance even out of JSA - have a look here :- https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out.

As for HB - you would only receive the shared-house rate, whatever you rent. You would not receive anything if you lived with parents.

I would strongly advise that you get some counselling - and planning for your future, and the future of your children should be paramount. Once you are a parent, it is impossible just to drop everything and run, even if that seems to be the only thing to do.

You really do need to plan before you jump. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

pmlindyloo

There is a lot of really useful information here:

http://static.advicenow.org.uk/files/breaking-up-survival-guide-10-1-14-1123.pdf

FBaby

You would have to pay child maintenance if your ex ask for it. You could have a private arrangement and agree on the sum between yourself.

RAS

thriftyemma wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies so far.
I didn't realise I would have to pay child maintenance. If I got a job, it would be minimum wage. Would this have any effect on what I would have to pay?

I was not expecting anything in the way of ongoing maintenance for myself, I was thinking more of splitting assests. OH owned first house before I met him. He bought second house, that we now live in, while we were together. As we agreed that I would stay at home to raise children, I was unable to work, and as such unable to contribute financially. I guess I hoped that would be taken in to consideration. But then, we're not married, so maybe not.

With HB, as I am under 35, it seems I would be potentially entitled to shared room rate. Does this mean I could only use the HB if I was in a shared house? I have no clue how it works.

Fivetide. This is not a decision I am making lightly. I have complex mental health issues, which affect my daily life. I am utterly heartbroken at the thought of leaving my babies, but it is best all round if I do.I understand there will be a huge emotional fallout from my actions, but I believe this way is the lesser of two evils. But that is not what I am seeking advice on.

Hi

Please speak to your mental health support worker. You may be able to claim ESA rather than JSA, which would make a major difference

If you claim JSA, you will get £145 per week assuming £64 rent and £17 Council tax. Your CSA assessment would be low (£7 per week).

If you work the situation changes; if your gross pay is £152 then you have to pay £23 per week.

sulkisu

Hi OP

Another thing that you need to consider re the finances, is that if you move out and leave your partner with custody of the children, his financial situation will change. With three children, including two pre-schoolers, the chances of him continuing to work the hours that he works (and therefore earn the same money), are slim. If you are unable to work, or have a low income, he will receive very little (almost negligible) financial help from you. Added to this, will be his childcare costs. Faced with the reality of this, you might find him unwilling or less willing to share assets with you. You need to do what is best for you, but under those circumstances, I personally would be inclined not to ask him for anything. Sounds like he will need every penny.

BitterAndTwisted

There will be no asset-splitting. First, you weren't married so have no absolute entitlement to anything. Secondly, you haven't contributed a single farthing to the household since you've been together.

You get the clothes you stand up in and anything else would be your partner's choice to give you

It won't matter if you only earn NMW, you will still be expected to contribute 25% of your wage towards the upkeep of your children, and if the father of your children goes via CSA or whatever they're called now that is precisely what he will get before you see a cent of it.

haras_nosirrah

I would think it unlikely you would be entitled to anything if he has custardy of the kids. He will either have to give up his 45k a year job or pay high childcare costs for them so he can work. He will also need the house to house them in so think a court would say he gets the house especially as you aren't on the mortgage or the deeds and aren't married. He would also be entitled to 25% of your income as maintenance. Is there no way you can get support to stay with your children. Not because you are a woman but because you have been their primary Carer since birth.

sax11

My question is why do expect to get something from this

You're basically handing over the kids to him and want somethng in return. Personally i thnk it should be nothing more than your own paid for belongings.

BitterAndTwisted

You need help and support before you take such drastic action. Action which could have a very profound affect on your children's well-being, not to mention your partner. Think long and hard, and then if you must go, try to put a plan together. What you should not do is to bail out with nowhere to go and no money to do it with.