Meal Invitation Etiquette

freespirit66

I used to have friends who were late to everything, not just 10 mins here and there but half an hour to 2 hours, no excuses, just they will get there when they feel like it sort of late, just two examples are 1. Due for xmas tea on xmas day at 5pm turned up at 8pm, buffet had been ready on the table since 6pm, fuming! 2. Sitting in a restaurant, called for table, sat at table for an hour, so we all just ordered our food and started eating, their faces when they turned up were a picture, so glad i dont see them anymore, just rude and think their lives are more important than anyone elses.

Bangton

When I go for a meal I'm always hungry because it's always later than I'd have tea. My ultimate lateness offence is evening meals because you can guarantee as well as being late they'll then talk ten to dozen instead of perusing the menu.

I don't make time for it anymore. If someone is late with no text I go after 20 ish minutes. i'm busy with a 7 month old and now my free time is too precious to sit waiting. .

swampduck

Sandhy wrote: »

Are these same people late for work everyday? Assume for a moment one starts work at 9am...I bet most manage it most of the time!

My line manager can be late everyday and then sit at her desk having her breakfast reading her personal emails!! Then doing personal stuff that should be done at home before finally starting work an hour or so after her start time!!:mad:.

Swampy

aileth

freespirit66 wrote: »

I used to have friends who were late to everything, not just 10 mins here and there but half an hour to 2 hours, no excuses, just they will get there when they feel like it sort of late

I had a couple of now thankfully ex-friends who were like this.

One would be minimum one hour late, so like others have said I tried to book things an hour earlier than normal, e.g. I finish work at 5, I'll tell her we'll meet at 4. When I started doing this, she went from being an hour late to technically two hours late, e.g. rolling up at 6 p.m. In the end, I had enough sat like a lemon in a coffee shop, either having to get multi-coffees and having to pee constantly for the rest of the evening or trying to eek one out over two hours and avoid getting kicked out, that I told her to meet and something just clicked in me. I went straight home from work. Rude maybe, but in my view nowhere near as rude as she'd been to me over all that time. She text me at 10-past-seven asking where I was. We never spoke again.

My other ex-friend used to arrange to meet at a time, come into town specifically and then go around town shopping despite you being sat somewhere 200 yards away waiting for her. I remember one occasion I rang her as she was 45 minutes late, she said she was just in boots, then had to go to accessorize etc. Absolutely infuriating. I offered to come and meet her, "No, no, I'll be two minutes", then 30 minutes later she'd finally turn up with arms full of shopping, so over an hour late to the original meeting.

Indie_Kid

I have a friend who picks me up from the train station on a Wednesday. Due to other plans, he's always there's 15 minutes later than when my train gets in, which he's tells me. If he's more than 5 minutes late, I always get an apology from him.

If I know I'm going to be late, I'll call or text if I can. I remember last year, there was an incident on the tracks or something; so I ended up being over an hour late, which I kept my friend informed about.

I can't understand why, in this day and age, people struggle to do that? Or do we simply have no manners now?

Georgiegirl256

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Even for our wedding she was over an hr late and the registrar was threatening to go (and one of the assistants did) just before she got there

:eek: I bet that was stressful!

ska_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

I disagree.
You can tar (and I would) someone as disrespectful or rude because of that.
It's not a complete generalisation.
It is rude and disrespectful in that way regardless of how they treat you in other ways.



One party apologised, the other didn't.
Maybe they are aware of the OP's OCD tendencies.
If they are, instead of her being more relaxed about things, perhaps they should make more effort about turning up on time.

Maybe I am more relaxed about these kind of issues, but I wouldn't just write judge a friend or relative as rude or disrespectful in these particular circumstances

There would be certain circumstances when I wouldn't be so understanding though. If I were left stood in the rain, or by myself late at night etc, then I probably wouldn't be very gracious about the lateness

Pollycat

freespirit66 wrote: »

I used to have friends who were late to everything, not just 10 mins here and there but half an hour to 2 hours, no excuses, just they will get there when they feel like it sort of late, just two examples are 1. Due for xmas tea on xmas day at 5pm turned up at 8pm, buffet had been ready on the table since 6pm, fuming! 2. Sitting in a restaurant, called for table, sat at table for an hour, so we all just ordered our food and started eating, their faces when they turned up were a picture, so glad i dont see them anymore, just rude and think their lives are more important than anyone elses.

I think this is incredibly disrespectful.

If I had been the host, the table would have been cleared by the time they arrived.
I assume you invited them '5pm for 6pm eats'.

BugglyB

aileth wrote: »

Hi all,

Was just thinking about this situation over the weekend, as my OH cannot see my point of view yet others have fully agreed with me.

If someone invites you to a meal (but with each side paying separately), gives you a time and location, you turn up exactly on time and are there sat waiting on your lonesome at the table for 20 minutes because they are 20 minutes late, what would you think?

In my opinion, if you are inviting someone to a meal, regardless of who is paying, you are 'hosting' the meal and therefore surely it is for the host to be the first there and greet the guests? Would you find it rude because of this or regardless of who has invited who, or would you simply not find it rude at all?

Thanks

No I don't think 20 mins late for a meal is rude, unless there are just two of you meeting up and the person knows you will be sat alone.

I don't see the 'hosting' thing like that either - if you suggest to someone they come for a meal and you are both paying seperately, you're just meeting up for a meal.

SavingPennies_2

aileth wrote: »

It was family in law and they didn't give a reason for being late, but from past experience it will be because one was faffing with make up and left getting ready till five minutes before the table was booked. It definitely wasn't traffic as we came from the same direction.

Hmm I suspect there's more to this then them being late to a meal, and no doubt your husband taking their side it just making it worse.

I think yes it's rude, they should have let you know, but I don't really mind waiting in a restaurant as theres ususally a bar and a place to sit, if I were stood outside in the rain waiting id be more annoyed.