Meal Invitation Etiquette

balletshoes

aileth wrote: »

Hi all,

Was just thinking about this situation over the weekend, as my OH cannot see my point of view yet others have fully agreed with me.

If someone invites you to a meal (but with each side paying separately), gives you a time and location, you turn up exactly on time and are there sat waiting on your lonesome at the table for 20 minutes because they are 20 minutes late, what would you think?

In my opinion, if you are inviting someone to a meal, regardless of who is paying, you are 'hosting' the meal and therefore surely it is for the host to be the first there and greet the guests? Would you find it rude because of this or regardless of who has invited who, or would you simply not find it rude at all?

Thanks

i'd say 20 minutes late is the maximum I would wait before thinking my dinner companions were being rude (my OH would more than likely be one of those 20-minute after the time agreed show-ups, so he would think it was absolutely fine).

hazyjo

If it was someone I knew would be late, I'd either meet them at home first and go together (if you're both on the same route) or I'd head to a bar/pub first and meet them there - and aim for an hour before the meal so that if they're on time, great, two drinks first. If they're late, fine - one or none.

As above, life's too short.

Jx

Pollycat

aileth wrote: »

It was family in law and they didn't give a reason for being late, but from past experience it will be because one was faffing with make up and left getting ready till five minutes before the table was booked. It definitely wasn't traffic as we came from the same direction.

Did they give you an apology for being late?
I think being late - without a damn good reason - is the height of rudeness.
It's saying 'my time is more valuable than yours, I don't care if I keep you waiting'.

As another poster has said, I wouldn't consider I was 'hosting' if it was in a restaurant, regardless of who invited who.

I would think it only good manners to arrive on time - unless I had a really, really good excuse for being late.

tayforth

I'd be annoyed if they were late, full stop.

If they'd phoned or texted to let me know, that would be different. But to hear nothing and sit waiting for 20 minutes isn't nice.

tayforth

Pollycat wrote: »

Did they give you an apology for being late?
I think being late - without a damn good reason - is the height of rudeness.
It's saying 'my time is more valuable than yours, I don't care if I keep you waiting'.

As another poster has said, I wouldn't consider I was 'hosting' if it was in a restaurant, regardless of who invited who.

I would think it only good manners to arrive on time - unless I had a really, really good excuse for being late.

^^^ Agreed.

bagpussbear

It depends on the circumstances I think.

If it was a friend that was never late, and arrived full of apologies and had a good reason, I wouldn't think it rude, just unfortunate.

On the other hand, if they were the type that was often late, and didn't give a heartfelt apology, yes I would think that rude.

Did they apologise, or say why?

Hermia

Counter wrote: »

Them being 20 minutes late would be an issue for me regardless of how the meal was arranged. I wouldn't view this situation as having a "host".

I agree. I see being late as rude unless there is a valid reason. When I meet people for dinner we don't see the person who arranged it as the host though.

BitterAndTwisted

If I'd arranged to meet people in a restaurant for a previously specified time and they were twenty minutes late they'd be eating dinner on their own as I'd have left five minutes before they had arrived.

Georgiegirl256

19lottie82 wrote: »

who invited who, wouldn't come in to it.

Exactly. It's rude regardless. If anyone is even ten minutes late without a good reason, I'd find it rude, unless they phoned/texted ahead to inform me.

aileth

They're not always late, but the times they have been before it has always been that they have left it to last minute. As much as I'd love to get payback and do the same to them next time, I would probably implode as I really really can't be late to anything and am quite OCD with my timing.

My OH tried calling 4-5 times when we arrived, we then got a call back saying they'd be five minutes late and then they ended up being 20.

When the first party arrived, they didn't apologise. Second party said, "Yeah sorry", and that was that.

I do wonder though, the restaurant was jam-packed. If we had been as lax and as not-bothered as both the other parties, chances are the table would have been given away as we were not there to effectively 'hold' it.

The people who know others who are known for being 'late', does anyone else think that's a bit sad, that you have to compensate for others disrespecting you by being incapable of meeting you on time? To me that's just completeness rudeness, especially if they're 'known' for it.