A generational thing or was I just odd?

Gloomendoom

PlymouthMaid wrote: »

I am 51 and although my parents took a very strong interest in my education, I do not recall ever being helped with homework - I think I would have completed it before they come home from work most evenings as I was a 'latchkey' kid from about the age of 10.

I'm slightly older and my parents did help me with my homework if I asked them. Then again I did have a lot of it, an hour and a half Monday to Thursday, two hours on Friday. School didn't finish until 4:45 pm so I didn't get home from school until 6:30. My recollection of my youth is mainly homework, homework and more homework, or 'prep' as it was called then.
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geri1965_2

I can't even remember having any homework, let alone getting help with it.

I've never had any financial help from my mum and dad since leaving school at 16.

I'm 48 if it makes any difference.

cazziebo

52 and I had no help with homework, university, house buying, weddings etc etc. Being one of five meant it was unusual my parents would even turn up at parent's nights etc. They could not have been less interested.

However, I think things are different now. I had a full grant and was able to pick and choose between part time and vacation jobs to finance university. I got a 100% mortgage for my first flat (£18k) based on a graduate starting salary (about £8k!) I'd never even contemplated asking my parents to pay for my wedding- but it wasn't a huge production.

It is tougher for young people now. There are few good, authentic jobs for school leavers. University is no longer financed - parents make up the shortfall. It seems that everyone is pushed towards university whether they are academic or not. 100% mortgages are a thing of the past. So I'm happy to support my children as far as is reasonable. However, rubbish at maths/arithmetic and they know there's no money coming for any weddings. .

What I do think is ridiculous is the parental competition over primary school projects. I've heard several friends tell me they were up all night on their children's school projects - and then post Facebook pictures of papier mache dinosaurs or whatever.

moomoomama27

I'm 33 and I've never had financial help from my mother. My father left us when we were young, and likewise, no help from him. My mother only cared about how other people saw her, the phrase charity begins at home is meaningless to her, hence we have never had any support with homework, or anything that cropped up along the way! Made me very self sufficient, and a very different parent!

SavingPennies_2

My parents helped with homework (never doing it for me though), because the could, but they did not help with a house deposit (or financially in general) because the couldn't and I never expected then to. I'm in my 30's. I think perhaps a lot of the older generation - dare I say baby boomers - have more money these days, but I think its mostly down to individual circumstances.

ska_lover

Hi OP

Don't feel resentful, what they have actually done - is give you the tools you need to stand on your own two feet. That is how I see it.

Me and my Husband are both in our mid thirties, and paid entirely for our own wedding, spent years working and saving for a house deposit with no financial help.

We don't begrudge his or my parents not helping - they have their own lives, and we have no right to expect hand outs - especially as we are adults who both work, and have a bigger montly household income than either set of parents - so if they offered - we wouldn't have taken it. The only difference is, when we were saving - our parents had been through that stage of their lives, so they were 'property rich' but have very little spare finances and little savings

I don't remember ever having help with homework, but parents were very busy people, and had the motto 'you make your bed, you lie on it' so a good grades would be all my merit, and the same with a failure.

I do know what you mean though about there are a few who have made their way based on a foundation of financial gifts from family. We are more than happy with what we have, and grateful to have achieved it

*Louise*

I don't recall my parents ever helping me with homework, or checking I even did it, I just got on with it. They had to work a lot so - putting food on the table rightly came first.

First mortgage was 100% so deposit but the equity a few years later gave us the 40% deposit for our current home so no help with that.
We arranged and paid for our own wedding but got a nice surprise when both sets of parents gave us £500 towards the reception.


Fast forward a few years and I consider myself vastly different to my own parents. I spend 2-4 hours every week helping my kids with homework (the younger two get quite a lot) and they have savings for the future. I will help out wherever I can as long as they appreciate it. Doubt I will ever have thousands spare to give all three of them house deposits though!

Caroline_a

When youngest daughter was writing her personal statement for her uni application I corrected one or two spellings for her, that was all. She told me that out of her large group of friends she was the only one who hadnt had their statement written by their parents! Personally I can't see the point of this - like writing the 'why do you want this job' section of an application form for your kids!


She did get into her uni of choice - one of the top 5 in the country, whereas some of her friends didn't!

ab.da54

poorlittlefish wrote: »

careful with money (to the point where I don't have any luxuries)

Doesn't sound like much fun.

Perhaps it depends what you mean by 'luxuries'.

tayforth

marisco wrote: »

My folks were really loving and supportive. They would offer advice and guidance over my homework, go over things with me if I didn't understand it, but ultimately I was left to get on with it.

...we learnt that if we wanted something expensive then it had to be saved for.

I was taught how important it was to have a good work ethic and that the world owes you nothing. That success would come about due to sheer hard work, not by hanging out for a bit of good luck, fate or any of that pie in the sky dreaming. I learnt how to budget, cook, care for myself, run a home, check my car over etc. All the practical stuff that is so necessary.

I felt proud when I bought my first car, saved enough for my first home deposit, paid for my wedding. I owe my parents so much, though not in financial terms I am pleased to say and love them to bits.

ska_lover wrote: »

Hi OP

Don't feel resentful, what they have actually done - is give you the tools you need to stand on your own two feet. That is how I see it.

Me and my Husband are both in our mid thirties, and paid entirely for our own wedding, spent years working and saving for a house deposit with no financial help.

We don't begrudge his or my parents not helping - they have their own lives, and we have no right to expect hand outs - especially as we are adults who both work, and have a bigger montly household income than either set of parents - so if they offered - we wouldn't have taken it. The only difference is, when we were saving - our parents had been through that stage of their lives, so they were 'property rich' but have very little spare finances and little savings

I do know what you mean though about there are a few who have made their way based on a foundation of financial gifts from family. We are more than happy with what we have, and grateful to have achieved it

I'm similar to both of you.

My parents gave freely of their time to teach us to read and count even before we were at school. They valued learning - for its own sake, and as a way to do well in life. They gave us the priceless gift of reading.

My mum was a SAHM, and she spent lots of time on educational activities with us - simple things like reading, telling the time, learning about nature etc.

They encouraged us at school, and always made sure that our homework was done, but they wouldn't have done it for us. And no way would they have written a statement on a university/job application for us!

As for money, they never had much to spare, but they taught us the importance of saving, budgeting and having 'enough for a rainy day'. They said that if you couldn't afford it, you saved up for it or went without. They taught us the value of money. And that has stayed with us for life.

We never asked for a penny after we left home and went to university. We were lucky enough to qualify for a grant, but still had to work to supplement it. They would give us the odd £10/£20 when we came home for the weekend, which was always appreciated, but never expected.

Now we have good jobs and earn enough to support ourselves and save as well. We have savings in the bank and a sensible attitude towards money. We each paid for our own weddings, why wouldn't we? We had two incomes each to pay for it, and we had the weddings that we could afford. No debt involved.

(My marriage didn't last, but that's beside the point!)

I have friends who've been given a helping hand financially, and I think good luck to them. I don't feel resentful at all. I'm happy with my lot, and grateful to my parents for the life lessons which they taught me. :A

Thanks, mum and dad.