A generational thing or was I just odd?

balletshoes

j.e.j. wrote: »

Nope, it's not just you

If I asked my mum how to spell something she'd help, and my nanna helped me with learning my times tables by rote. But with regard to homework assignments I don't remember my parents helping me, and they certainly didn't do it for me!!
The point of homework was to check that you'd understood what had been taught in the lesson,
so having your parents do the homework for you would have defeated the object!

Helicopter parents seems to have become the fashion now, unfortunately..

(I grew up in the 70s and 80s, if that's anything to go by)

unfortunately, as I'm experiencing with my daughter at the moment, sometimes even if the child hasn't understood the lesson, and doesn't do their homework well as a result of this, it still doesn't get covered in class so that all the kids in the class understand. For the first time in about 5 years I am helping my child with her homework, by sitting with her, using BBC Bitesize with her, using examples and answering questions she has on the topic she's been set, to help with her understanding of the subject. She's struggling, and the school, in this particular subject, are not really helping her, so its up to me to help instead.
When she needs my help, I'm happy to help, but no, I'm not doing her homework for her.

I don't see helping and supporting your child in their education when they need it, as helicopter parenting. Doing their homework for them would be.

eta - I think its a circumstance thing, possibly mixed a bit with your own upbringing. I didn't get help in secondary school with homework from either of my parents, because they wouldn't have been able to help. I was always expected to do my best at school, and for the most part I did. I didn't get, or expect, financial help with a car, driving lessons, house deposit, wedding, any of that, because my parents didn't have money.

I can help with my child's education, mostly because there are more resources out there now which can help parents keep up/brush up on the subjects their children are doing at school.

I kind of believe that the way I was brought up works - don't expect hand-outs, expect to work for what you want.
My OH came from an even poorer family background than I did, and the effect its left on him is that he wants to be able to give our daughter the car, the driving lessons, put her through university, pay for her wedding etc. If we have the money to do all those things at those points in her life, I'm sure she will get financial help from us (university is a no-brainer, we already have plans in place for that as she plans to go).

ViolaLass

My OH received money from his mother when he went through uni (probably enough to cover his rent), I received a nominal sum from mine (probably enough to cover two thirds of my food bill).

We are the same age and went at the same time. We did not ask either of our families to help us with the wedding although in the end everyone chose to contribute. I think it's a family thing.

PlymouthMaid

I am 51 and although my parents took a very strong interest in my education, I do not recall ever being helped with homework - I think I would have completed it before they come home from work most evenings as I was a 'latchkey' kid from about the age of 10.

I didn't receive any help with my housing either and deliberately went to uni as a mature student so as to not put my parents in the position of having to pay me to go. I chose to never marry so didn't need anything there either.

I think my generation on the whole received less help partly because it was not needed so much. It was slightly easier to get on the housing ladder in the 80's assuming you had a half decent job and uni fees were still covered by the Government.

My own daughters will receive more help as they have needed funding to get through uni. They may also receive help with their house deposits if needed but that will tend to come from their Dad as I am too poor although if I had it I would help them. I never did homework with them beyond showing an interest, providing resources when needed and answering the odd question.

Lily-Rose_3

FBaby wrote: »

I do believe that it can be a bad thing because it can discourage learning to be resourceful. Resourcefulness is a valuable skill when it comes to facing challenges or difficult times. I also believe that if you are growing used to your parents bailing you out when faced with adversity, you are potentially at risk of developing anxiety disorders.

I think it is very nice to provide help and support, but will have a much more positive effect if done so when the receiver is not expecting it. Unfortunately, many kids/adult children now do expect their parents to throw things at them.

A friend of my parents were commending my husband and I recently for both paying into very good pensions. They said that their children had decided not to do so and instead enjoy life relying on the inheritance they would gain to support them in their retirement. They didn't seem that shock about it, but again, they are the type of parents who have always paid for just about everything for their kids, including the very lavishing wedding for their son next year despite him being in his late 30s.

It's just this type of situation that makes me :mad:

daisiegg

FBaby wrote: »

I agree that I can't really see a direct link between helping children with homework and helping with finances such as providing a loan for a house deposit, but I don't agree that not helping children with their homework means not helping children with their education.

I have never been helped with my homework and besides the stage of helping with reading when kids were little, I have never helped them with their homework, but that's mainly because they don't need help. I do think that some parents do confuse helping children with homework and more or less doing it for them in that more of less feeding them with the answers, even if the child is writing them is not helping but doing it for them, however if helping is prompting children that they have to do their homework, and then checking it to ensure it was done to a good standard, and directing them if them if they really don't understand what is asked, then yes, I would think that is being a good parent. e!

I think when I said 'helping with homework' I really meant 'being involved in their education' rather than sitting down each and every night and doing the homework with them. Like your children, my siblings and I were always very able to get on with homework ourselves but I meant things like, taking us to the library to get further books on a topic, or taking us to educational places that were relevant to what we were studying at school, talking to us about our homework, etc. And yes sometimes I suppose helping - science and maths never came as easily to me as other subjects (I still got top grades but not as easily!) and my parents are both scientists so they would try to help me to understand difficult concepts, particularly when it came to GCSE and A Level.

I agree that doing a child's homework for/ with them is not a good thing but I think being involved and supportive definitely is.

azzabazza

I would like to think that I have supported and assisted my grown children throughout their lives whenever they needed our assistance.

We did not receive financial help ourselves over 40 years ago when we were getting married (although Dad paid for our small wedding) because our parents were not well off. However I do know that both DH and I were encouraged to study and do our homework as education was very important.

We certainly assisted with (not 'did'!) homework when required, paid for our daughter's wedding, gave son same amount towards his wedding and gave each couple a modest amount towards their house deposits.

We were fortunate to be in a financial position to help our children at these milestones in their lives. Our choice. I would much rather assist my children now when they have young children of their own to support rather than make them wait until I pop my clogs - hopefully not for quite a considerable time.

geoffky

What do you expect when we see posts on here with "My 18yrs old baby"
Some are still skimming off their parents in their 30s...

Poppy9

I am 50 and youngest of 4.

My parents never got involved in our school work, they assumed the school & teachers were looking after our academic needs.

I was given a lump sum of £500 when I was 11 after my parent won a large (at the time) sum of money on the pools. I kept this money to put as a deposit on my first home when I was 22. All my siblings had the same amount of money given to them, not sure what they did with it.

I also had a small endowment - about £50 when I was 16. I used this to towards driving lessons when I was 17. I paid for the remainder of my lessons myself from my £23 a week YTS income! From the £23 I also had to pay £5 a week keep, £4 for a weekly bus pass to get to work and buy my own clothes.

My parents gave me £1000 towards the cost of my wedding and myself and OH paid the balance. I had some kitchen basics/essentials off my parents as a wedding present - and I mean essentials i.e. sieve, wooden spoons, pyrex dishes

I had no further financial help off my parents and didn't expect any.

My OH had even less off his parents and in fact he paid them £5k to help them by their LA home over 20 years ago. When his mother was a widow I did her shopping and didn't take any money off her.

I would have probably done the same for my parents but I was in my mid 20s when they died.

My DD has had a lump sum off us to see her through uni. She is one year in and hasn't touched it yet. She lives off her loan, her part time earnings and a small allowance off us each month.

We were very involved in helping her with her school work as she seemed to have so much more homework than we ever did and teachers seemed to assume parents were able to help as they would give out parental help sheets at times - plus run a small workshop to explain how they teach maths etc.

I assume we will pay for DD wedding if she ever marries but she will have to wait until we are gone to inherit our homes and get substantial money from us:D

Lily-Rose_3

Poppy9 wrote: »

I assume we will pay for DD wedding if she ever marries but she will have to wait until we are gone to inherit our homes and get substantial money from us:D

Unless you have to go into a care home And then your home(s) will have to be sold to pay for your care. :cool:

ViolaLass

Poppy9 wrote: »

We were very involved in helping her with her school work as she seemed to have so much more homework than we ever did and teachers seemed to assume parents were able to help as they would give out parental help sheets at times - plus run a small workshop to explain how they teach maths etc.

Not necessarily assuming you could help but assisting those who wanted to help but were unsure of themselves. I have parents who ask me "How can I help my son to progress?" They want to help but don't always know how best to go about it. If that help is applied alongside what the teacher is doing, it's going to be more effective.

I'm not sure whether that means that historically parents were less willing/able to help, were less bothered about backing up whatever method the teacher had taught or whether things have changed more in education recently so that parents are more likely to find themselves faced with methods they don't recognise.