I hurt a stranger online unintentionally

Scrapaholic

I've never internet dated as we've been married 38yrs. From what I read about it , it sounds scarey . I think there'll be genuine people online as well as weird ones . Looks like he was a weird one . Don't waste time feeling bad about him . You've no need to contact him again . Trust yourself as you knew something wasn't right . Hope you find a special person soon .

giantmutantbroccoli

You've made the right decision. When you interact with someone online, all you have to go on is their pictures and what they say about themselves - if his pictures are a complete lie, what else is he lying about? And that's before you even get to the other stuff you discovered online, which I'm guessing must be pretty bad!

Life is too short, frankly, and too fragile to bother with somebody who won't tell you the truth. Better if he hadn't used a picture at all!

I arranged to meet a guy from OKCupid who had a nice picture, was in his early 20s, lots of hobbies and a busy job. We discussed how to meet safely, decided on a cafe in a city near-ish me, he'd catch a train into the city and I'd meet him at the station and we'd walk to the cafe. All seemed well and good until the day before when I got a text saying that he wouldn't have time this weekend because he had to work, unless I could come round to his house? I suggested we rearrange for the following week instead, he said ok. The next week, on the morning of the day we're supposed to meet I get another text saying he couldn't make it - but if I could get the train into his city, we could still meet up. I was just about okay with this, and then he messages back to say his friend will pick me up from the station and drive me to his house so we can meet up. His friend who is in his 50s, and "actually really nice" even though he "looks a bit scary". At the point where a safe meeting in a public train station and onto a cafe became a car ride with a strange, much older man to go to the house of another guy I'd never met in person, I bailed. The guy deleted his profile the following week, and some searching around of the image he'd used turned up a cute guy on the other side of the country who definitely wasn't the guy I'd been talking to.
I felt, still feel, like I'd dodged a bullet there - and from what you say about this guy, you have too. You should feel good for listening to your instincts!

paulineb_2

There are genuine people on dating sites, its just a matter of weeding out the people who are less than.

Mojisola

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

I arranged to meet a guy from OKCupid who had a nice picture, was in his early 20s, lots of hobbies and a busy job.

We discussed how to meet safely, decided on a cafe in a city near-ish me, he'd catch a train into the city and I'd meet him at the station and we'd walk to the cafe.

The next week, on the morning of the day we're supposed to meet I get another text saying he couldn't make it - but if I could get the train into his city, we could still meet up. I was just about okay with this, and then he messages back to say his friend will pick me up from the station and drive me to his house so we can meet up. His friend who is in his 50s, and "actually really nice" even though he "looks a bit scary".

What's the betting that the "scary looking 50+ year old" was the guy you'd been in contact with from the beginning?

trolleyrun

I'd like to learn how to search where pictures come from (if that makes sense). If anyone could PM me with instructions please, that would be great, as I don't want to derail the thread.

krlyr

Google Images will do a 'search by image'. Go to Google, then the Images page, and in the search bar you want to click the little camera icon.

You either need the URL of the photo (right-click the image, look at Properties/Image Info/whatever your web browser calls it - or click and drag the image into your browser's address bar) or to save it to your computer (right-click, Save As, usually) and upload that file to Google Images. It'll then search and display the matches, listing what web page they're from.

itsanne

trolleyrun and krlyr, I think your posts are very useful indeed for anyone involved in online dating.

Reading all the horror stories on this thread, thank goodness I'm not going that route (having been married for nearly 40 years)!

yvonne13_2

trolleyrun wrote: »

I'd like to learn how to search where pictures come from (if that makes sense). If anyone could PM me with instructions please, that would be great, as I don't want to derail the thread.

You right click on the photo and click on copy image location.

Go on google image and click on the camera then contraol and V to paste the link.

Then click on the blue serach image.

It will show you a footprint of everywhere the photo is.

marisco_2

yvonne13 wrote: »

I called him a trickster/fraudster and removed him asap from Skype.

You call that really going to town on someone?! I think you stayed rather restrained and just said it as you saw the situation. If the guy cant take some honest views on his deceitful conduct that is his look out isn't it. You were very wise to Skype him before any meet up, and discovered the truth without putting yourself at any potential risk. Contacting the website and informing them of what has gone on is also responsible. Don't give this guy another thought and mark all this down to experience.

Saturnalia

Bless you Yvonne, you are so nice! This guy is a liar and a scammer who, given a chance, would have deliberately hurt your feelings and more besides, and you feel bad that you might have hurt him!

He deserves to feel bad, however I doubt he'll even remember it today, he'll be onto his next target.

Don't hear him out - what could he possibly say to explain all this away? In fact he'd probably try some other tactic to get you on side and feeling sorry for him.

I would love to know how he was planning to hide his race on a date though!