I hurt a stranger online unintentionally

pinkshoes

A relationship that starts with lies is destined for failure.

A friend of mine is doing online dating and has an old photo, and states he goes to tbe gym several times a week. He does go to the gym with my husband, but sits around whining rather than lifting weights. And he wonders why he's never had a second date...!

Big_Tree

I'll bet he's a fraudster.....I'll bet he's a good bit younger than the OP as well.

Better safe than sorry with these things, he's a proven liar and you've not even met each other yet.

yvonne13_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

A relationship that starts with lies is destined for failure.

A friend of mine is doing online dating and has an old photo, and states he goes to tbe gym several times a week. He does go to the gym with my husband, but sits around whining rather than lifting weights. And he wonders why he's never had a second date...!

:rotfl:I could over look them things.

lilmissreading

yvonne13 wrote: »

I didn't get a chance to judge his appearance as he posted a fake photo. Like I said It was his profile words that attracted me as I'm not here to judge but find a mutual connection with someone. Him being ashamed or trying to hide whom he really is so he doesn't get caught seems to be more along the lines of what I'm thinking. No photo no reply is what I had wrote on my profile so he clearly read what I wrote.

Yes The decision is mine and mine alone. I'm not ready to play Miss Marple when someone is clearly after women to get whatever (Based on the filth I found). He must think I'm desperate or looking for the same thing he was REALLY looking for so would over see a basic fact of what he really looked like, so yes you're also correct in saying I'm not ready for this kind of guy.

Oh my goodness me, you are not ready for duplicitous, deceitful and now from the sounds of it some possible future Crimewatch star? Even if you have found any 'good things out' what on earth can you trust to be true? There are dating 'games' and there are dangerous people looking to mess you up and leave you worse off than they found you. Like you he is NOT someone I would for a moment consider 'forgiving.'

Thank god you had the sense to ask for a skype call. I met DH through internet dating but never thought to do that relying on the public place/tell people where you're going line. I think you have done all the right things and the fact that this weasel has hidden his profile does not bode well either or speak highly of his transparency. I can't work out if this situation makes more more frightened or more angry.

Good on you yvonne13! I really hope internet dating works out for you long term and thank goodness you have good instincts.

yvonne13_2

lilmissreading wrote: »

I can't work out if this situation makes more more frightened or more angry.

I'm more worried about him being able to do it to other women and upset with myself for being taken in by sweet words.

paulineb_2

yvonne13 wrote: »

I'm more worried about him being able to do it to other women and upset with myself for being taken in by sweet words.

Other women arent your responsibility, you will always get liars and chancers on internet forums and I'm sure you wont be the first person he's done this to.

Youve reported him to the site admin, not much more than that you can do.

lilmissreading

yvonne13 wrote: »

I'm more worried about him being able to do it to other women and upset with myself for being taken in by sweet words.

As paulineb says you are not responsible for his actions. You've flushed him out, reported him to the internet website and it is certainly their responsibility to take this on, especially as they have the power to do so.

Now assuming he is some kind of conman (financial, sexual, emotional, whichever) of course you were taken in by his sweet words. They don't take you in by accident - it's carefully planned and honed over probably years. It happened to a relative of mine and turned out he'd ripped people off left, right and centre just showing how good he was at what he did

paddyrg

A relationship where the VERY FIRST CONTACT was a lie has ZERO future. He wants to try to talk you round but you know for a FACT you CANNOT trust him.

barbiedoll

Internet dating is a minefield and it always astounds me as to how easily people get caught out. I also think that no matter how many email and text exchanges you may have with a person, you can never really get to know them until you meet them.

One of my friends almost got caught in a classic internet dating scam.
She was telling me one night about the man that she had found on one of the well-known dating sites. He was handsome (as his picture showed), he was in the Army and due to retire soon. He had a considerable amount of savings and he owned his own property. He had been married before but had no children, this was why his marriage broke up. They had been emailing and she was going to give him her mobile number so that they could text and call etc.

I thought he sounded too good to be true (who tells a stranger about their life savings?) Within 5 minutes, a google image search had shown that his picture was a generic "army bloke" picture, used in army recruitment brochures. She emailed him, stating that she thought his picture wasn't actually him. He immediately emailed back, saying that he wasn't able to take a photo of himself as his phone was broken, and could she send him some money for a phone as he couldn't access his army pay until the end of the month. She emailed back that he could get a Tesco mobile for £20 with a camera on it and he said that he wanted an iPhone. When she said that she didn't have enough money to "lend" him for such an expensive phone, he told her to ask her friends to lend her the money! :eek:

Another friend had got into an email relationship with a woman, through a messaging site. He was all ready to leave his long-term girlfriend etc etc, without having even seen a picture of this woman. It turned out that she was considerably older, larger and more married than she had led him to believe. (One of her kids was almost as old as him!)

You can fall for someone very easily online, the written word can be very powerful. OP, you have nothing to feel bad about, you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last to fall for an idiot online. Luckily, you have common sense, you owe him nothing, and definitely not an apology. Steer well clear!

Desecrated_Landscape

Do not feel you hurt his feelings, he could just be guilt tripping you and try to work his way back in. This guy is a pro liar who probably does this on every dating site. If you think a picture is fake just right click to save the image and then do a google image search and you will find where he stole the fake from. Block him asap and also report him, this guy could be really dangerous.