I hurt a stranger online unintentionally

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

In that case, I wouldn't contact him again but would report him to the dating site.

I would have no hesitation whatsoever in doing this after reading this:

yvonne13 wrote: »

I've just done a google image search and I feel such a fool as I can see all his activities and it doesn't look good. I doubt he could explain all I found and I'm more annoyed with myself for not taking everything with a pinch of salt.

You found him out before things went further, someone else may not be so fortunate.

JIL

I think you should take a lot from the very fact your intuition is very much in tact.
Never mind just going straight for a date, you had a feeling his picture was not right, more doubts raised when the lights were off on skype, and the realisation that this man is not who he said he was, put you on overdrive. Was there any truth in anything he said or did?
You have since googled him and found out even more unsavoury things about him.
Let go and reflect on how in tune with your foresight you are.

yvonne13_2

I've moved too slow, he's hidden his profile. I've sent an email to the site administrators and hopefully they can do something about it. As it's hidden I don't know if he's removed the photo or if admin can see it. I can't do name or shame to warn other women either as it's against the rules.

moneyistooshorttomention

Forget him.

Even if the photo had been an inaccurate age one of him, forget him.

Double that for the photo being of someone else.

Triple that for him not even being the same race (whichever way that went - whether British to foreign or foreign to British).

You do not want a lyer.

trolleyrun

I wouldn't hear him out. In the past, I've tried a couple of dating sites, and I just didn't put a picture on at all. Sure, it probably narrowed the amount of guys getting in touch, but I just didn't want my face on the site. I was happy to send a pic after a few emails/chats though. If this guy was worried about being "judged" why didn't he just not post a picture? Did he think that you'd not notice on the date that he looked different? I suspect he probably wouldn't have turned up for the date, to be honest.

Just move on and try someone different. If what you found out about him online worries you, you can report him to the site, but at least block him from contacting you.

Valli

The fact that you feel so guilty about this shows what a nice person you must be.

And far too good for him. He set out to deceive from the outset.

dandelionclock30

I'd just block him and not give him another thought. However I do belive that you have a better chance of meeting someone decent in real life by doing things and meeting people.
At the very least you can see what people are like and you know what you are getting.

Got_the_T_Shirt

Long time forum member posting in other areas but assuming new identity to join this section.

Internet dating particularly - and actually all dating, is a game. It is a ritual dance in which we get to know people and find out about them by reading conscious and unconscious signals and then making decisions. Sometimes there is a communication issue where signals are misread. Either the signals sent are not the ones meant to be transmitted or we receive them and interpret them in a way that is formed by our previously experience

People try and present themselves to their advantage to gain whatever it is they are looking for (I bet you placed a nice photo online). They can also manage what they reveal and when (are there things you held back - probably for good reasons?)

Internet dating is great because you have found out a lot about this person - and he you, without too much risk (assuming you didn't exchange details). One mouse click and you can write it down to experience.

I infer from the post (and I may be wrong) that you are not into playing his kind of games, that you are relatively easily upset, sensitive and caring and easily shocked. You are in effect new to the game and not familiar with the 'rules'. The guy seems someone who has very little self confidence, is into playing games, finds deception easy, is insensitive to your feelings, but none the less is able to project himself in a way which you like (though it may just be an act). He may think that you are superficial for judging him by appearance or are racially prejudiced - just as you think him a liar and a cheat.

The decision is yours and that's what dating is about. My hunch is you aren't ready for this kind of guy. He may indeed be a gem, but he is going to be high maintenance and if you are upset now, that is nothing to what you are going to face with him in the future. For me I'm interested in what makes people tick, open to the unusual, and not hurt when things like this go wrong - I click the button and move on.

From the sound of you (you sound 'nice') there are a lot of lovely guys out there for you who will give you whatever it is you seek.

You have to decide if the good things you found out about this person outweigh the things that disturb you and if it is worth the effort putting in more time.

SailorSam

Hey you had a lucky escape there, imagine if you'd gone on your date without insisting on speaking on Skype first.
You could be burried under the patio by now,
Forget him, he's the one should be feeling terrible.

yvonne13_2

Got_the_T_Shirt wrote: »

He may think that you are superficial for judging him by appearance or are racially prejudiced - just as you think him a liar and a cheat.

The decision is yours and that's what dating is about. My hunch is you aren't ready for this kind of guy.

I didn't get a chance to judge his appearance as he posted a fake photo. Like I said It was his profile words that attracted me as I'm not here to judge but find a mutual connection with someone. Him being ashamed or trying to hide whom he really is so he doesn't get caught seems to be more along the lines of what I'm thinking. No photo no reply is what I had wrote on my profile so he clearly read what I wrote.

Yes The decision is mine and mine alone. I'm not ready to play Miss Marple when someone is clearly after women to get whatever (Based on the filth I found). He must think I'm desperate or looking for the same thing he was REALLY looking for so would over see a basic fact of what he really looked like, so yes you're also correct in saying I'm not ready for this kind of guy.