talk me down please

meritaten

No melly - just human. if it helps - then barring anything unfortunate happening - YOU have years of your lovely home, husband, doggy to look forward to. MIL has reaped what she sowed (to be fair, it cannot all be her fault - I think Aunt and SIL had a lot to do with it), and perhaps its a bit harsh that people she loved and trusted, have now shown her an image that includes herself she may be having a hard time accepting. (that was a bit muddled but I think you know what I mean?)
She has nothing melly - I bet she is wondering if ALL her memories are false and who she can trust?

mellymoo74

It's the aunt and SIL I'm thinking of. MIL is in enough pain I may not like her but I will still take care of her (because I am an idiot lol)

meritaten

No, you aren't an idiot melly. Just a NORMAL caring person. I would do the same. Actually, I did, I disliked MIL intensely. but for my OH I cared for her. It wasn't the same with FIL, as I said, I adored him, and looking after him was a pleasure. but with MIL I often had to grit my teeth and just look on her as a person who was dying. forget the woman she had been and just treat her with the dignity and respect a dying person should get. for my OHs sake. personally, I could have just walked away. telling myself that for all she had done in the past to cause ructions in the family - she was paying for it with the cancer. and I suspect that she landed up in hospital because she was playing her game of putting down OH and his brother and us SILs care. She used to do that to make the brothers 'compete' as to who 'treated her better'. I think it backfired on her with SIL who seized her chance to 'take over'.

mellymoo74

I never met FIL but OH adored him and he had the measure of aunt so I think we would have got on.
You probably understand that my feelings for MIL are complicated mainly I pity her, she is so eaten up with bitterness she never let anyone else in and turned her children against each other.
I actively dislike her treatment of OH (I'm amazed he's sane) he had a huuuuge problem with trust when we first got together thanks to always being told that people are nasty .

meritaten

I could say I understand - but my MIL never overtly treated OH badly. it was always behind his back. the woman was a master of manipulation. she could cause a row in an empty room! always 'playing her boys off against each other'. me, and two of my SILs had her measure and did our best to thwart her -but the one SIL was a nasty piece of work. always wanting to be 'in charge' and FILs funeral was the 'end' between me and her. She publicly raved at me that I was an interfering Beetch and had much more to say.(mostly because I had been the one to care for FIL (that was the way he wanted it as he couldn't stand her), then waylayed my OH and complained I had started a fight with her! but it was really about that FIL had given my other SIL a painting that she coveted - it was nothing to do with me! but she thought I had something to do with it! nothing to do with her and BIL not caring for him and had even gone on holiday after being told his end was near. in fact, they were in the middle of their two week holiday when he died - and as they hadn't left any contact details or even told any one where they were - the funeral arrangements were done when they got home. which infuriated them. I cut all contact with them then - but OH kept in touch with his brother - how OH cut all contact with them ................that's another story.

mellymoo74

Not had much sleep.
OH is running around today getting the last of the furniture out so we can get her home.
He still thinks that this will force the Aunt and SIL to care for MIL I am not certain it will.
She is back in nice mode, she has found a piece of jewellery for me (OH made a huge fuss, I actually dont wear anything other than my Garmin Vivofit) as OH reminded her that she promised jewellery to his wife.
Not sure where she got it from, too tired to much care if honest.

mellymoo74

well shes home.
OH was getting flustered because he hadnt been able to get everything he wanted done. I have had to tell him we will cope with furniture all over the place for a bit he has taken my advice and has left the others to it, gone home and is currently lying down.

wannabe_sybil

Sending hugs

This is the tough bit. You need to get as much help as you can and you need to make it clear to any carers that SIL and Aunty can't send them away. I suggest you try and get your contact details on as many bits of paper as possible.

The thing to remember is that this is not a permanent thing. It will not last forever. Do what you have to just to get through it and then you can pick yourselves up on the other side.

Your OH will be overwhelmed with emotions - it sounds like his mother is finally giving him approval, at least for a short space. You MIL will have to accept what she is has sown. You are the one that is keeping them going. I think it is important you look after yourself because if you fail then they all go under.

Good luck!

Mojisola

mellymoo74 wrote: »

well shes home.
OH was getting flustered because he hadnt been able to get everything he wanted done.

Has she been sent home without a care package in place?

mellymoo74

Not certain to be honest Mojisola need to check the timings/whats been agreed when I get in.

I know shes on the morphine pump and has a bag as her stomach isnt working any more. Need to have a proper look at whats been sorted.

Shes happy to be home and the cat was utterly delighted. To all those people who think cats dont care this old stray tomcat has not gone out whilst shes been in the hospice (been sitting outside the bedroom) and OH says when they wheeled her through the door he came bowling out the living room yowling away. So doing this has made 2 people and 1 cat very happy.


Thanks Wannabe, hugs are necessary at the mo, I am being a self pitying cow lol.
OH is a mess, today the gifting of some jewellery to me has made him sad/happy.
If he gets some of the approval he craves then all of this will be worth it.