talk me down please

mellymoo74

meritaten wrote: »

You asked earlier how could someone 'hate' so much? Think about it melly..................Sibling Jealousy? its a myth that its only older sibling gets jealous of younger ones.
to the younger ones - the older ones are 'first' in everything. first to go to big school, first to have a proper job, first to date, get engaged, get married, have children.........and if you feel your 'milestones' haven't been as successful or appreciated or applauded................the jealousy can fester for years.


you say Aunt was always the 'Carer'. was it because she was 'there' and had no choice? she may feel resentful about that .or even if she volunteered, she may have felt 'put upon' - she sounds like a disturbed personality, so it could be any of these or a combination of, or even just she is a jealous twisted psychopathic person.

I think she did it for attention you know 'oh poor Auntie had to care for her husband, mother and then sister, she's a saint etc etc'
MIL has plenty of people who can care for her, you know how much we were doing then aunt swoops in and OH is completely frozen out then MIL is put in hospice.
I have promised to get OH up at early o'clock then we will get up there. I am going to try and speak to someone there to explain the situation and see what support I can get for OH.

I think she's jealous of the family MIL has though so has bought her granddaughter

mellymoo74

We failed to get up . I had to have some tramadol so when I finally got to sleep I was wiped out and OHS sleep is all over the place so it was 6 before he went to bed.

I am going to do some reading and snoozing today tomorrow I am gardening Nedd yo do fun relaxing things.

mellymoo74

I may kill my male jack russell. Deep cleaned living room, just done hall and kitchen, went back into living room to lie down little sod has wee'd everywhere rargh.

mellymoo74

He tried to go today. They were all there so he had to leave.

He did get to sit with nephew so it wasn't a fully wasted trip.

meritaten

could he go back later? he needs time alone with his mother. even if they don't 'talk' or 'connect', this time will be important to him, especially after she is gone.
why don't you ask the hospice staff if it would be ok for OH to stay late at night? this is often the worst time for the patient as they feel most 'alone'. he could then establish this as 'HIS time' with her. and the night staff would then get to know him? and with luck the Aunt and SIL wont find out.

mellymoo74

Nephews checking times. I am getting him there 8 30am tomorrow.
Nephew says MIL can't speak properly now so not long.

He also said my emails shocked him, and that he's sorry.

mellymoo74

The only thing she is saying with any clarity is she wants to go home

meritaten

oh melly - that brings back such awful memories for me. MY MIL kept saying that when we visited her, and that last night she said she didn't want to die in there. and we couldn't take her home - bluddy SIL had put herself down as NOK and we had NO say in her treatment and bluddy SIL kept putting off her return home.
ALL you can do is BE THERE.
OH knows we did the best we could. we cared for her for over two years until SIL stepped in while we were both out of the house, called an ambulance and had MIL hospitalised. then took over. that was the last straw for OH. he hasn't spoken to his Brother or SIL since.
BUT - we visited at much as we could - the staff were aware of the situation. and we were allowed to visit out of visiting hours. SIL was totally unaware of this.
By the time MIL kept saying she wanted to go home - staff strongly advised against it. the journey would be too much. at least we were with her in her final hours - when we got home the phone rang and it was the sister saying she had just died.
Sorry - rambling on! hospice rules are usually more 'relaxed' than hospitals and they probably wont bat an eyelash if OH wants to visit at odd hours.

mellymoo74

That element of it sounds identical.

Nephew said brother has a temper like OH, OH said no excuse to speak to me like that.

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

hospice rules are usually more 'relaxed' than hospitals and they probably wont bat an eyelash if OH wants to visit at odd hours.

The rules may vary from hospice to hospice but, when my uncle was dying, we had someone with him 24/7 for the last week. There was no problem about visiting at any time of day.