talk me down please

mellymoo74

I may sneakily move him in when OH is at the hospice tomorrow.

They are cracked around the base of my fingers so am currently smeared with cream and wearing gloves it's lovely.

Nephew asked if I was still ok with him told him of course I was, that not contacting us had disappointed me but I still loved him.

How much do you have to hate to make a dying woman think her son doesn't care or want to see her?

OH has perked up loads today.

RAS

Has anyone asked MIL if she wants her brothers to know what is happening?

It might be an idea to meet the social worker at the hospice; they are used to dealing with "complex" family situations and to protecting their patients.

mellymoo74

Having trouble getting him there.

wannabe_sybil

Sending hugs

mellymoo74

He's worried about bumping into them there and it upsetting his mum.

Oh well a break might be good.

meritaten

I hate to say this - but if she dies and he has deliberately stayed away out of fear of aunty and sil - he may have a hard time dealing with that later mel.
better to go, and if they walk in to just leave immediately. He is going for his mums and HIS sake. Aunt and SiL are not the main focus here.
Sorry to speak so plainly - but, the number of people Ive met who have felt immense guilt over just leaving the bedside for a few minutes only to find the patient died - it happened in my own family - OH still feels guilty over twenty years later.

mellymoo74

I know that's my worry.
We had a chat earlier I told him to ask if there is anyone with her and if there is just ask them to let his mum know he came and he loves her and leave.
I think going at 8am or equally early tomorrow morning might be a plan.

meritaten

Is the hospice amenable to him visiting later at night? a quiet hour with her at night-time would be nice. I don't know the rules where she is - but round here many hospices allow virtually 24hour visiting. (family only of course).

mellymoo74

That's a suggestion he's not sleeping so to be honest if they would let him could go at blumin 1am if they'd let him. (His mum's never slept well).
Will raise that tomorrow gonna get him up at 7 tomorrow and will go with him as he clearly needs the support.

meritaten

You asked earlier how could someone 'hate' so much? Think about it melly..................Sibling Jealousy? its a myth that its only older sibling gets jealous of younger ones.
to the younger ones - the older ones are 'first' in everything. first to go to big school, first to have a proper job, first to date, get engaged, get married, have children.........and if you feel your 'milestones' haven't been as successful or appreciated or applauded................the jealousy can fester for years.


you say Aunt was always the 'Carer'. was it because she was 'there' and had no choice? she may feel resentful about that .or even if she volunteered, she may have felt 'put upon' - she sounds like a disturbed personality, so it could be any of these or a combination of, or even just she is a jealous twisted psychopathic person.