talk me down please

meritaten

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Oddly some if the jewellery miraculously found its way back during the one night she was in hospital. ..

OH so they CAN be shamed!
melly, can I suggest if MIL reverts to her old ways, OH just says 'if you cant be nice I am leaving' and LEAVES. she cant get at him if he isn't there. and when he has done it enough times - it will sink in that she CANNOT treat him like !!!!!!.
If he stays and tries to defend himself he is on a losing wicket - best to leave and let her stew.

mellymoo74

He's not called her to say he got in safe.
And isn't going back currently

meritaten

No - he is too upset right now.
I know it sounds mad - but when he has calmed down, talk him into going back. if he doesn't go back he will ALWAYS regret it. even a quick visit and leaving before she can stick any knives in will be important to him 'after'.

mellymoo74

meritaten wrote: »

No - he is too upset right now.
I know it sounds mad - but when he has calmed down, talk him into going back. if he doesn't go back he will ALWAYS regret it. even a quick visit and leaving before she can stick any knives in will be important to him 'after'.

I know. And in a petty moment it would mean they have won

I am worried about his long term mental health the evil gets are determined to screw him up

mellymoo74

I hate them, their nasty, twisted horrible people

mellymoo74

So I need the strength to do what's right for OH longterm
Any of you want to send me some?

I won't be going round again as I'm likely to lose my rag. OH wants to call her I don't know whether removing himself and my getting him additional help coming to terms with that decision is a better choice than him continuing to put himself through this

thorsoak

You need a cushion to punch! Think your idea of taking him out for the day (without mobile phones) is a good idea xx

wannabe_sybil

Sending hugs and strength.

I wish I could suggest a way of explaining to your OH that just because they are unfit to slither doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with him. That he is just unlucky in his family (lucky with you) and that there is nothing he can do to make them act like decent human beings. People do not become saints on deathbeds. People become more on deathbeds. Either more lovely, more eccentric or more vile.

I think you really need to contact safeguarding - they will have an idea about the dynamics possible and may be able to help your OH.

mellymoo74

Thanks sybil and thorsoak I think the fact she was nice the visit before is what made yesterday so bad for him.

What ever he does will cause pain. Not sure whether I should encourage the visits now? I needto get him some additional support that much is clear.

Left up to me wouldn't look back no visits, no contact, no funeral.

purpleshoes_2

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Thanks sybil and thorsoak I think the fact she was nice the visit before is what made yesterday so bad for him.

What ever he does will cause pain. Not sure whether I should encourage the visits now? I needto get him some additional support that much is clear.

Left up to me wouldn't look back no visits, no contact, no funeral.

I think a funeral is important, no matter how horrible the circumstances leading up have been, closure in some way, if he doesn't go to the funeral, he'll no doubt be made to feel bad and he would also probably regret it very much.

I dont know what else to say except that I think a lot of damage will have already been done to your OH throughout his life, it's a toxic situation. Reminders that this isn't how families live if they are functional, but if he has got counselling arranged, that he continues to go through with it, sometimes you need someone professional to reinforce things as well.