talk me down please

RAS

mellymoo74 wrote: »

It gets better

She's going in a hospice she doesn't want to, the aunt has just told my OH it's his fault

I hope you told OH that is it nothing to do with him.

The good thing about a hospice is that they are likely to work out who is a useful visitor and who is to be deterred, fairly quickly.

Also they are very good at pain management. As one of my friends said, he fought tooth and nail to avoid going there but then they got the pain control sorted and he was able to come out.

ANd they are very good at helping people coem to terms with the end and thereby reduce their emotional distress.

He knew thereafter that if there was a problem, he could go in and they would fix it. Months later, he had unexpected symptoms one day, went into hospital where they concluded there was nothing they could do. Went home and died there 24 hours later.

mellymoo74

The hospice isn't the problem, the telling my OH it's his fault is the problem.

He has been in floods since he saw them and I am getting angrier and angrier.
He will have to live with this forever and no amount of my telling him it's not his fault is helping because the poisonous witch has put the idea in his head now.

RAS

mellymoo74 wrote: »

The hospice isn't the problem, the telling my OH it's his fault is the problem.

He has been in floods since he saw them and I am getting angrier and angrier.
He will have to live with this forever and no amount of my telling him it's not his fault is helping because the poisonous witch has put the idea in his head now.

mellymoo

You and OH need to go to the hospice and speak to their wlefare/social worker and explain what is going on. That will help them help MIL.

And please please understand that he does not have to live with this forever. You cannot change what they said but you can change how you (both) respond to this. And we (plural humans) can change how we perceive the past; mine is pretty toxic but I manage a LOT better now. Took some years of work but a lot better.

"It was all your fault," according to my mum.

mellymoo74

We are presuming that they will even tell OH which hospice they put her in.
I am fairly sure they won't and that today was about attempting to !!!! my OH up with guilt for a change.

He has finally passed out, I am thinking of how I can help my OH maintain his sanity

RAS

mellymoo

And be prepared for the fact that MIL is not even going into a hospice or is only going in to get her pain control sorted. So check if she is at home anyway.

Try the nice nephew if they refuse to say?

Or make a list of local hospices. There are not many. Start with the closest one and drop in and ask to see her?

mellymoo74

Hi RAS I am not going to get nephew involved it isn't fair and they will turn on him.

Have the names of the hospices there are actually 12 possibilities. I might get some info from mcmillan so back to them I go.

mellymoo74

I need to get back in the game. Need to put some work into my ZNVQ. I will get NVQ, get driving license and get my OH away from here.
He does not deserve this, I need to get him to GP and I think my hand needs looking at as I think it's gone septic boooo

RAS

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Hi RAS I am not going to get nephew involved it isn't fair and they will turn on him.

They are charmers! Are they not?

mellymoo74

RAS wrote: »

They are charmers! Are they not?

It's got worse apparently been telling uncle she's not up for visitors and today when MIL asked OH if he would like any of the jewellery (bearing in mind MIL has always put her money in nice bits of gold had a carrier bag full) and he said he would like a piece of cocktail jewellery his dad got her ALL of it has gone. That's All of it.

mellymoo74

OH left the MIL in tears as she thinks she's going mad

Safeguarding team I think