talk me down please

mellymoo74

Driving lesson and NVQ tomorrow.
OH wants me to go to the docs with him on Monday he's a lot brighter today as he got some sleep.

I am exhausted so nap with dogs on couch I think

RAS

mellymoo

Even when the rest of the family is functional, the sort of situation that your OH is in trying to look after his mum and deal with her imminent demise would be challenging. It is really really hard practially and emotionally and so easy to get upset by little things that are done by people who are also stressed.

But how either of you cope with SIL and aunt on top of the dysfunctional mum, I'll never understand.

Sometimes being stressed, upset and angry is the "right" response to bad things being done.

meritaten

RAS is so right - getting angry and stressed is a NORMAL reaction to the strokes these people pull. Your OH is only human after all. (although privately I think he must be quite saintly to want to bother with them).


What isn't right is him taking out his anger on you and the dogs etc. Buy him a punchbag and tell him to take his feelings out on THAT! oh and I am NOT joking hun - its fantastic stress relief! you may want one for yourself!

mellymoo74

meritaten wrote: »

RAS is so right - getting angry and stressed is a NORMAL reaction to the strokes these people pull. Your OH is only human after all. (although privately I think he must be quite saintly to want to bother with them).


What isn't right is him taking out his anger on you and the dogs etc. Buy him a punchbag and tell him to take his feelings out on THAT! oh and I am NOT joking hun - its fantastic stress relief! you may want one for yourself!

He knows it's wrong bless him just means poor dogs are confused.

I have a twist board I'm using its fun.

He's round there now, nurse hadn't come he had to chase her up auntie obviously couldn't. ....

mellymoo74

Dr been out. Want to move her to hospice she cried OH is a mess

meritaten

melly - Hospices are not like 'hospitals'. they are far more 'relaxed' and focused on making the patients last weeks as pleasant as possible.
and if HE can arrange to accompany her in - then he can ensure he gets put as NOK as well as SIL (I wouldn't include SIL, but then, I am not as nice your OH). I have visited a couple and believe me - I wouldn't mind it for myself. They are more like ..............Hotels with Nurses.
I am so sorry it has come to this (its obviously not what your MIL wants) - but, obviously the DR thinks it best for MIL. Perhaps because of the family 'strife'?
It could be the best option - believe me - care during the last weeks of someones illness is hard - even without family discord. I know, I have done it both ways. it takes a toll on the carers -even those with excellent support - which your OH doesn't have.


edit - I don't mean support off you Melly - I mean off the other members of the family.

mellymoo74

Got some food down him. Forced some painkillers on him. He wants to try and sort a wheelchair out for her so add that to tom jobs

meritaten

She has refused to go?

mellymoo74

meritaten wrote: »

melly - Hospices are not like 'hospitals'. they are far more 'relaxed' and focused on making the patients last weeks as pleasant as possible.
and if HE can arrange to accompany her in - then he can ensure he gets put as NOK as well as SIL (I wouldn't include SIL, but then, I am not as nice your OH). I have visited a couple and believe me - I wouldn't mind it for myself. They are more like ..............Hotels with Nurses.
I am so sorry it has come to this (its obviously not what your MIL wants) - but, obviously the DR thinks it best for MIL. Perhaps because of the family 'strife'?
It could be the best option - believe me - care during the last weeks of someones illness is hard - even without family discord. I know, I have done it both ways. it takes a toll on the carers -even those with excellent support - which your OH doesn't have.


edit - I don't mean support off you Melly - I mean off the other members of the family.

I know Meri thanks.

My dad was in a lovely hospice the last week of his life they were fab.
It's the pain relief I think plus obviously

meritaten

I should think your MIL is scared - the word hospice tells her she IS going to die and soon. So is your OH scared.
From experience, as long as the patient is at home, they hope of 'remission' and a miraculous recovery. and it has happened. but so rarely. Terminal care at home can be fantastic too - but, it does need a lot of support from the medical team AND the family.