Pregnant 16 year old - benefits

Morglin

Mojisola wrote: »

It's a cultural tradition among Romanian gypsies to get married young so that there is no risk (reduced risk?) of the girl not being a virgin.

Oh, right yes, I suppose in some other cultures this is more normal, although I really don't think, at 11 or 12, a female's body is mature enough for pregnancy and childbirth.

Lin.

Mojisola

Morglin wrote: »

Oh, right yes, I suppose in some other cultures this is more normal, although I really don't think, at 11 or 12, a female's body is mature enough for pregnancy and childbirth.

No, it certainly isn't. I also think the reason behind the early marriages (the necessity for the girl to be a virgin) isn't good.

clearingout

Morglin wrote: »

I feel sorry for these very young mums, as they don't seem to understand how much commitment a baby is, for life, and how much they have restricted their choices by becoming a parent so early.

But, teenagers don't think things through properly, and it's usually left to her parents to help pick up the pieces./QUOTE]

why feel sorry for them? they make a choice...as an older mum I envy those who will have their freedom by 40 whilst they still have their health and half their lives ahead of them. I am getting older but my children are young. I am tried. I am very cynical. I get fed up far more at 40 than I did at 20. There are negative things about my parenting today that I know wouldn't have been a feature of parenting at 20. And obviously that works the other way - there are probably things I do better as a result of age and experience.

Universities today are full of older people. They are no longer the domain of clever teenagers who happened to get the right 'A' levels at the 'right' time. Some of this country's most successful business people worked from the bottom-up without the theory of university. Having a family whilst you are young does not necessarily mean restricted choices. It's all about how you view it and ultimately, it is what you make it. What frustrates me is how judgemental people can be about things they know nothing about. If we were a far less judgemental society and sought to support people in their choices rather than stand back and criticise about how you would do it diffferently, we would probably see far less 'failure' and 'struggling' and have a far more cohesive society altogether.

Nan63

I was a completely naive 15 year old when I got pregnant.

My mum kicked me out and I have struggled for over 35 years to get to the near perfect life I have today, happily married for 16 years, brilliant job and grandmother to 2 little ones.

We are the closest mum/daughter you can imagine.

However, ask me if I could go back and time and do things differently..... 'Hell Yes' would be my response. The utter misery, loneliness and poverty of those initial years scarred me for life and there were many, many occasions when I wished it had never happened.

I did not enjoy the early years with my daughter, I was too busy working all hours, trying to feed us, house us and just generally keep going. I have few, if any, happy memories of those early days.

It was some years later that I realised I had just gone through the motions bringing up my little girl, I had not been able to parent her properly as I was still growing up myself.

When my daughter had her first child at the ripe old age of 27, even with a husband and besotted nanny to help, she was amazed at how much 'work' it takes to be parent and she told me she realised how hard it must have been for me at only 15 and with no one to help.

As I said, I am blessed with my life now but it's been a long, hard road to get here.

I wish your friend's daughter all the best OP, she is going to need it.

FBaby

I don't think a 15/16yo should be left alone in a flat to raise her child unless there is no way they can get the support from their parents. But I also don't think they should rely on mum (and dad) still treating them like a child, just one that happens to have a baby.

I agree with Clearingout. You have the same opportunities at 16 than at 40 to have a good life as a parent it is just more likely to be harder... In the end, it is about personality, morals and expectations. Those who truly had an accident and didn't go on to make themselves pregnant will have a better chance to do well than those who pretend their pregnancy was an accident, but actually intended to be so because it gets them out of school and/or gets them financial benefits.

C_Mababejive

Morglin wrote: »

Unfortunately, whatever options the parents/grandparents, with or without a mediator, might think best, are irrelevant.

The law says that the girl can make her own decisions, and that will not be overruled, at this stage.

Social Services, and the law, would only get heavily involved if, in the future, the child was thought to be neglected.

The father may well have it on his toes, but if the mother, with granny's help, is looking after the child, that would not make any difference to anything.

Lin

Indeed that is so but she also needs to know that when she exercises her rights,she also has to take responsibility for her decisions. The person who got her pregnant also needs to know that he too is responsible to the state and has financial obligations on his future earnings if any.

silvercar

Who has the primary right to claim? If the pregnant 16 year old wants to make her own claim for benefits does that mean the grandmother to be cannot claim for her child and grandchild? Or does the grandmother to be including the child and grandchild in her claim mean that the 16 year old is not eligible to make a claim. I'm talking about IS and TC and CB.

For HB I assume that the grandmother to be claims as she is responsible for the rent and may or may not have a non- dependent deduction depending on whether her IS claim includes the 16 year old or not.

Just getting back on topic!

pipkin71

Hi all.

Can I just say thanks to all who have offered their good wishes. It has been a difficult time for my friend but, hopefully, now that she has more of an idea what to expect, as far as benefits go, things won't look as bad as they have.

She is still not happy that her daughter is expecting a baby and things are still very difficult at home but this is one less worry