Pregnant 16 year old - benefits

clearingout

BigJockKnew wrote: »

And the cycle continues...

you know, as a single mum, one of the biggest issues we face is other people's bare-faced prejudice and low expectation of us and our children. I did everything 'right' in life - educated to Masters level, travelled the world independently, long work history, didn't marry until I'd been with my ex for several years and then didn't have children for several more years. There is no way I could have predicted he'd turn into the man he did but there you go, it happened anyway. The number of people who think they now own me, know everything there is to know about me and believe whole-heartedly that I must be a terrible person beggars belief.

Rather than assume there'll be a negative outcome, why not put some effort into seeing the good in every situation, having a smile for those people for whom life has just thrown a dirty great curve ball, and generally just believe that the glass is half full. For a while there, at nearly 40 years old, I was a single mum of 3 children under 5 on benefits. Today, I teach full-time, have children who are doing well in school (despite some serious learning difficulties), own my own home, drive my own car and just generally enjoy life. And despite all that, there are STILL those who will turn up their noses and say 'yeah, well, you're still a single mum and you still get benefits 'cos you get some tax credits'. Any young girl who goes it alone frankly has my upmost admiration and I would do anything - both personally and professionally - to support their choices and see the positives. Having children young isn't a bad thing, 'bad' parents come in all shapes, sizes, educational backgrounds, class, mone in the back and aspirations. Energy, commtiment, a desire for something better make for better parenting-bedfellows than cynicism, tiredness with life and the need to look down on others.

OP - please wish the young lady in question all the love and luck in the world from me and tell her to ignore all the hateful, frankly stupid, Daily Mail readers out there who believe her life is now over. Parenting is an amazing adventure and there is nothing at all that says you can't succeed because you're 16.

silvercar

you know, as a single mum,.....

There was an interesting programme on lbc radio last week, it discussed which was the biggest stigma - being on benefits or being a single mum. The consensus was that single mums used to be the biggest stigma but nowadays it was benefit scroungers. (The discussion came about from the story about someone who was a grandmother at 23, who wanted everyone to know she wasn't on benefits, as she felt that was a bigger stigma than being a grandmother so young.)

Morglin

silvercar wrote: »

There was an interesting programme on lbc radio last week, it discussed which was the biggest stigma - being on benefits or being a single mum. The consensus was that single mums used to be the biggest stigma but nowadays it was benefit scroungers. (The discussion came about from the story about someone who was a grandmother at 23, who wanted everyone to know she wasn't on benefits, as she felt that was a bigger stigma than being a grandmother so young.)

Granny at 23?

How did that work?

Lin :eek:£

Mojisola

Morglin wrote: »

Granny at 23?

How did that work?

She had her first child at 12 and her daughter gave birth when she was 11.

Marisco

Mojisola wrote: »

She had her first child at 12 and her daughter gave birth when she was 11.

My god, have things come to this now!!

Mojisola

Marisco wrote: »

My god, have things come to this now!!

It's a cultural tradition among Romanian gypsies to get married young so that there is no risk (reduced risk?) of the girl not being a virgin.

debrag

flashnazia wrote: »

That's assuming the boy will get the money spent on him in the first place. Far better to give the money to the grandparent than have it spent on hairdos and iPhones.

who says the grandparent won't do the same?

My sister while she had her first when she had just turned 18, went to college, then got a job with training, then went to uni and now has a career, and owns 2 houses. She moved out while she was still pregnant. Yes it was easier being at college than at school but it can be done.

With the right support young parents can do well for themselves but half the time they see it as a life to more money and are just like their own parents.

FBaby

With the right support young parents can do well for themselves but half the time they see it as a life to more money and are just like their own parents.

Unfortunately I think that is often the case. Surely seeing your sister going through it themselves, unless you thought they had a good life, you wouldn't go ahead and have a baby yourself.

This is why I think as a parent, they should be supporting their child to grow up much quicker than they would have they made the decision not to become a parent and that include teaching them the consequences of having their own money and managing it themselves. I don't agree in teaching children by doing things for them and telling them what they should do, when they often don't care much to listen anyway. I rather tell them what they should do once and for all, let them get on with it, but be there for them when things get tough or go wrong and they need help to keep going.

whodathunkit

Morglin wrote: »

Which is wrong.

Meaning they can't and haven't been able to for more than a few years, with the housing shortage.

Whatever the Daily Mail says lol

Lin

But it still means that a teenage lone parent can rent her own 2 bed place and be given enough funding to run a household - a financial situation beyond the wildest dreams of others who remain in education and work for a living. Hardly a disincentive, is it?

Morglin

Well, there is an expectation that a girl this young would remain in the family home, but that obviously depends on her family, and it may be better for the welfare of mum and baby to be independently housed.

Usually, that means a hostel/B&B to begin with, which is nobody's idea of fun!

I feel sorry for these very young mums, as they don't seem to understand how much commitment a baby is, for life, and how much they have restricted their choices by becoming a parent so early.

But, teenagers don't think things through properly, and it's usually left to her parents to help pick up the pieces.

The boys involved usually just walk away, sooner or later.

Lin