Best friend, birthday

wapow

A little shocked to be fair lol but each to their own.

theoretica

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I do feel a bit like this and I am a bit fed up of buying things because she's not got the change etc and never being paid back!

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I'd feel so rude mentioning it. We are close but there's that barrier I couldn't cross with anyone I don't think. But you couldn't be right!

Could be she is actually short of money but has a personal barrier she doesn't want to cross by mentioning it?

I don't know the most sensitive thing to do in such case - is there anything free you would like to do and could invite her to come along for a belated celebration of your birthday and see what she says?

Buzzybee90

theoretica wrote: »

Could be she is actually short of money but has a personal barrier she doesn't want to cross by mentioning it?

I don't know the most sensitive thing to do in such case - is there anything free you would like to do and could invite her to come along for a belated celebration of your birthday and see what she says?

I did think this, I know she had been having a few issues with her work not paying her the correct amounts - but this week she has been out for a meal twice and also to a theme park.. I think I will invite her over, girls night type thing.

wapow

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I did think this, I know she had been having a few issues with her work not paying her the correct amounts - but this week she has been out for a meal twice and also to a theme park.. I think I will invite her over, girls night type thing.

Think she's going on holiday very soon too.

dandelionclock30

If shes spending money on two meals out and on a theme park she can afford to send you a card but isnt interested in you I'm afraid.
I wouldnt be chasing her inviting her round, instead go out and join groups and look to make new friends, your wasting your time with her.

Soleil_lune

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

If shes spending money on two meals out and on a theme park she can afford to send you a card but isnt interested in you I'm afraid.
I wouldnt be chasing her inviting her round, instead go out and join groups and look to make new friends, your wasting your time with her.

I am with this ^^^ and the other posts/posters that are saying similar things. Whether it's because she is losing interest/can't be arsed or whatever, it does seem like she may be thinking about not buying stuff anymore.

But there is no excuse to not send a card. It's very odd, but everything you're saying/have been saying, is suggesting that she is a bit of a user, and I agree with what someone said earlier in the thread that you should not buy anything else for her when her birthday comes up again, or even for Christmas, as she is obviously not bothered about cards and presents. If she was, she would have got something for you. I mean, you can get a card for 29p in some shops, and a box of maltesers or quality street would only have cost a couple of quid!

And I agree that it is hard to say something to her. I mean, how on earth can you just say 'why didn't you get me a card?' I wonder if the people who suggest this would actually say this themselves?

I have a cousin who suddenly stopped buying for us, and after the first time she did it, I stopped buying for her and her family.

I have actually had several people do this in the past, (just stop buying: not even a card,) and I don't know why they do it. Why just stop? It seems much more offensive to just stop, without letting people know, and let you carry on buying for them!

Why not just say that they are cutting back on things in life, and they want to stop the present buying for anyone who isn't immediate family? ie; mother, father, spouse, child/ren. One of my pals just does that as she has 3 kids, and 7 siblings (all older) who have TWENTY kids between them.

After the first ten, (nieces and nephews,) she started to have her own kids, and it became hard to keep up, as her siblings kept having more. Not only mentally (ie; remembering them all,) but financially too. It didn't help that her hubby has 3 sisters with 9 kids between them! So she decided about 8 years ago to cut them all out and just buy her own kids, her mum and dad and her hubby. Quite a few people were miffed in her family for a wee while, then I think people started to realise it was a good idea, as most of her family do the same now.

Not sure if they all still send cards...but as I said, there are so many of them, that it's incredibly hard, and stressful, to remember what is probably around 30 birthdays (and that's just the nieces and nephews!) That is not including the sisters and brothers of her and her hubby. AND a few of the 30-ish nieces and nephews are starting to have kids now!

Don't sweat it, but I would definitely say that you shouldn't buy her anything again. The more you post on here about her, the more of a bad friend she sounds.

WeAreGhosts

I would have been happy with an acknowledgement. my [now ex] best friend forgot one year [or deliberately didnt acknowledge it, who knows] and then ignored me for a year! she then sent an email saying "how are you?" to which i didnt bother responding. i didnt feel like i had lost that much in the year she didnt speak to me.

Soleil_lune

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

I would have been happy with an acknowledgement. my [now ex] best friend forgot one year [or deliberately didnt acknowledge it, who knows] and then ignored me for a year! she then sent an email saying "how are you?" to which i didnt bother responding. i didnt feel like i had lost that much in the year she didnt speak to me.

Sorry to hear that. I have had a couple of friends do that to me in the past, (sometimes with 1.5 to 2 year gaps.) I have made contact/ left messages/ written to them, and had no response... And it has made me very angry when they just suddenly get in touch again, after 1 to 2 years, and expect to pick up where they left off! Bloody cheek.

Buzzybee90

Soleil_lune wrote: »

I am with this ^^^ and the other posts/posters that are saying similar things. Whether it's because she is losing interest/can't be arsed or whatever, it does seem like she may be thinking about not buying stuff anymore.

But there is no excuse to not send a card. It's very odd, but everything you're saying/have been saying, is suggesting that she is a bit of a user, and I agree with what someone said earlier in the thread that you should not buy anything else for her when her birthday comes up again, or even for Christmas, as she is obviously not bothered about cards and presents. If she was, she would have got something for you. I mean, you can get a card for 29p in some shops, and a box of maltesers or quality street would only have cost a couple of quid!

And I agree that it is hard to say something to her. I mean, how on earth can you just say 'why didn't you get me a card?' I wonder if the people who suggest this would actually say this themselves?

I have a cousin who suddenly stopped buying for us, and after the first time she did it, I stopped buying for her and her family.

I have actually had several people do this in the past, (just stop buying: not even a card,) and I don't know why they do it. Why just stop? It seems much more offensive to just stop, without letting people know, and let them carry on buying for you!

Why not just say that they are cutting back on things in life, and they want to stop the present buying for anyone who isn't immediate family? ie; mother, father, spouse, child/ren. One of my pals just does that as she has 3 kids, and 7 siblings (all older) who have TWENTY kids between them.

After the first ten, (nieces and nephews,) she started to have her own kids, and it became hard to keep up, as her siblings kept having more. Not only mentally (ie; remembering them all,) but financially too. It didn't help that her hubby has 3 sisters with 9 kids between them! So she decided about 8 years ago to cut them all out and just buy her own kids, her mum and dad and her hubby. Quite a few people were miffed in her family for a wee while, then I think people started to realise it was a good idea, as most of her family do the same now.

Not sure if they all still send cards...but as I said, there are so many of them, that it's incredibly hard, and stressful, to remember what is probably around 30 birthdays (and that's just the nieces and nephews!) That is not including the sisters and brothers of her and her hubby. AND a few of the 30-ish nieces and nephews are starting to have kids now!

Don't sweat it, but I would definitely say that you shouldn't buy her anything again. The more you post on here about her, the more of a bad friend she sounds.

Wow! That is a massive family. Yep thanks, I'm going to leave it also stop paying for stuff on the "promise" I will get it back!

wapow

Its a shame you people expect so much off people you make friends with. Why throw them a big party? So they throw you one in return? Why spend so much money on them? So they do the same for you? Why are you friends with them if you cant talk to them? Do you just like to know in your head you have a high friend count? What is it that you cant do, that your friend has to do for you? Do you appreciate the people that are there for you when you need someone most?
Think about these things before you decide to make friends and keep them in the long run. If you cant do a person a nice gesture without thinking to yourself that you expect something in return then don't call them your friend and don't do them any favours.