Best friend, birthday

marisco_2

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

About a month ago she asked me if I wanted to go to a local cafe for afternoon tea for my birthday, I of course said yes but it was never mentioned again.

I do, it certainly feels like she doesn't care.

See to me your friend sounds like a really kind and considerate person. She had mentioned in advance about doing something nice with you for your birthday. Then on the actual day she remembered you and sent a text. Maybe there are difficult things going on in her life taking up her time and energy at the moment. A good friend would just get in touch with her and see if she is okay, rather than jump to conclusions about someone they have known since being 11, and spend time worrying over the lack of a card.

Buzzybee90

marisco wrote: »

See to me your friend sounds like a really kind and considerate person. She had mentioned in advance about doing something nice with you for your birthday. Then on the actual day she remembered you and sent a text. Maybe there are difficult things going on in her life taking up her time and energy at the moment. A good friend would just get in touch with her and see if she is okay, rather than jump to conclusions about someone they have known since being 11, and spend time worrying over the lack of a card.

This is just odd. I speak to her every day.

jaylee3

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I dont think shes that bothered about you really. If she valued you then she would have done something with you for your birthday(even just coming round) and acknowledged it a bit better. A text is a step up from nothing.
At least you know where you stand with her. From a best friend thats quite bad in my opinion. It would be acceptable for an aquaintance only really.

Have to agree here. I think when people stop sending cards/gifts, it's often because they are basically losing interest in you OR it's the fact that they just don't want to 'do' cardgiving/gift-giving any longer...

It could be in this one case, she genuinely forgot to send a card and a present. I seriously doubt it. You simply don't 'forget' to give your best friend a birthday card and present. Especially if you are in fairly regular contact. I wouldn't give her a card OR present for Christmas until you get one. So, in answer to the OP; yes I WOULD be offended at her not bothering with your birthday. A poxy text? How lame.

Sounds mean and trivial and spiteful and petty? To not be arsed with her at Christmas until she buys for you??? Maybe. However, I have spent a lifetime of being shat on from a great height by people over the years, and buying and giving and doing, with little or nothing in return.

And although I was always an advocate of 'you shouldn't give to receive,' I don't buy into that any longer, as basically when you buy all the time, and someone doesn't buy back, it shows that they either don't think about you/care about you that much, or they simply aren't interested in present giving/card giving. Which means they obviously shouldn't care when I (or YOU in this case,) do not give her anything.

If she hasn't been arsed with your birthday why the hell should you bother with her?

You shouldn't give to receive hmmm? Well does that mean then, that you should just keep giving, giving, giving, to people who never give back? Bullcrap. You will end up a penniless mug.

She didn't 'forget' your birthday. She sent a text. She just didn't want to bother with anything else. Whatever the reason; don't get her anything again - ever - unless she buys first. It's not that she doesn't 'like' you anymore; it's just that you are not high on her list of priorities, so she should no longer be anywhere near the top of yours.

jumpingjackd

Im with the op, a card would have been lovely, dont care about a gift, and a text is all too easy

theoretica

If you have been friends with her since you were 11 surely you know her well enough to ask about this rather than running your friendship as one strike and you're out! Maybe she has something for you to be handed over in person and didn't feel it needed explaining or would spoil a surprise.

One year my mum missed my birthday. We are still friends!

wapow

theoretica wrote: »

If you have been friends with her since you were 11 surely you know her well enough to ask about this rather than running your friendship as one strike and you're out! Maybe she has something for you to be handed over in person and didn't feel it needed explaining or would spoil a surprise.

One year my mum missed my birthday. We are still friends!

How do you people make friends? Seriously?
If this was my life long friend and they sent me a text id be comfortable enough to send a text back and say something along the lines of I hope that was the first message of something really big youre doing for me and I expect a massive cake with a stripper and loads of cash and maybe a new car or a bike and some fancy clothes....


Send a text along those lines because if we're friends for that long then I can say crap like that and get away with it!

Hermoine

If its any comfort my brother hasn't marked my birthday for the last three years, despite being reminded on a couple of those years by my sister! He's also done the same with my sister, even when I've reminded him! Both my sister and I would be:( very happy with a text....

FBaby

Either you are very close, and in this case, why did you not bring it up with her? After the text, my instinctive reply would have been 'so, what time are we doing that coffee'? If she replied she couldn't sorry, I would as marisco said been concerned something was going on and query about it.

If however you are not as close as the above, I would value the friendship for what is worth, that is good company, but no expectation of special attention. It still can be a nice friendship though because she might bring something into it that is different than what you get from your other friend, maybe laughter, or a good listening companion, or going places that are different, or just good company when you are at each other's place.

Buzzybee90

wapow wrote: »

How do you people make friends? Seriously?
If this was my life long friend and they sent me a text id be comfortable enough to send a text back and say something along the lines of I hope that was the first message of something really big youre doing for me and I expect a massive cake with a stripper and loads of cash and maybe a new car or a bike and some fancy clothes....


Send a text along those lines because if we're friends for that long then I can say crap like that and get away with it!

Haha, I'm not that kind of person (applies to the other post also about asking immediately about coffee), I couldn't do it. It's not the way I've been brought up (to mention it) - hence asking the lovely people of the Internet before mentioning it to anyone else.

Hermoine wrote: »

If its any comfort my brother hasn't marked my birthday for the last three years, despite being reminded on a couple of those years by my sister! He's also done the same with my sister, even when I've reminded him! Both my sister and I would be:( very happy with a text....

Oh no, that's really sad!

jaylee3 wrote: »

Have to agree here. I think when people stop sending cards/gifts, it's often because they are basically losing interest in you OR it's the fact that they just don't want to 'do' cardgiving/gift-giving any longer...

It could be in this one case, she genuinely forgot to send a card and a present. I seriously doubt it. You simply don't 'forget' to give your best friend a birthday card and present. Especially if you are in fairly regular contact. I wouldn't give her a card OR present for Christmas until you get one. So, in answer to the OP; yes I WOULD be offended at her not bothering with your birthday. A poxy text? How lame.

Sounds mean and trivial and spiteful and petty? To not be arsed with her at Christmas until she buys for you??? Maybe. However, I have spent a lifetime of being shat on from a great height by people over the years, and buying and giving and doing, with little or nothing in return.

And although I was always an advocate of 'you shouldn't give to receive,' I don't buy into that any longer, as basically when you buy all the time, and someone doesn't buy back, it shows that they either don't think about you/care about you that much, or they simply aren't interested in present giving/card giving. Which means they obviously shouldn't care when I (or YOU in this case,) do not give her anything.

If she hasn't been arsed with your birthday why the hell should you bother with her?

You shouldn't give to receive hmmm? Well does that mean then, that you should just keep giving, giving, giving, to people who never give back? Bullcrap. You will end up a penniless mug.

She didn't 'forget' your birthday. She sent a text. She just didn't want to bother with anything else. Whatever the reason; don't get her anything again - ever - unless she buys first. It's not that she doesn't 'like' you anymore; it's just that you are not high on her list of priorities, so she should no longer be anywhere near the top of yours.

Sorry, I'm not sure this has worked. iPad doesn't like multi quoting! I do feel a bit like this and I am a bit fed up of buying things because she's not got the change etc and never being paid back!

Buzzybee90

theoretica wrote: »

If you have been friends with her since you were 11 surely you know her well enough to ask about this rather than running your friendship as one strike and you're out! Maybe she has something for you to be handed over in person and didn't feel it needed explaining or would spoil a surprise.

One year my mum missed my birthday. We are still friends!

I'd feel so rude mentioning it. We are close but there's that barrier I couldn't cross with anyone I don't think. But you couldn't be right!