Deroragatory comments from ex-husband

embob74

K9sandFelines wrote: »

I think as well, because he pays CSA and i get WTC he obviously thinks that's enough to buy two lots of uniform, school shoes, coats, everyday clothes and general stuff.

I'm sorry to say but if you get CSA and WTC then I also think that's enough to buy the clothes they need. Are you saying you can't afford to buy the clothes they need and that your ex does in fact have a point?
Please don't think I excuse his behaviour. My ex used to buy the kids clothes which had to stay at their house for when they visited at the weekend. That seemed to me a bit of a passive-aggressive way of saying they didn't think the clothes I sent the kids in were any good and it was a complete waste of money as they got very little wear out of the clothes at dads house. But it did mean he never said anything to me about the clothes I bought and I didn't have to worry about what clothes they had to take to their dads.
I never got any maintenance and still managed to buy all they needed btw.

JIL

i had a friend who used to send her children off for the weekend in their scruffiest shoes, knowing full well they would return with new shoes.

He is in a way telling you how to spend your money. That is not fair. He is also saying his new wife has better taste than you.

Be guided by your children, if they are happy then ignore him.

Person_one

trailingspouse wrote: »

Well, if he's taking them shopping for clothes, send them with a shopping list. No point in him wasting his money on things they don't need, so make the most of it.

Do they need new clothes for summer? Trainers? Sports equipment? School uniform? Slippers? Wellies? Socks, knickers, tights, bras, make-up (sorry, you don't say if your kids are male or female). New school bags. I'm sure you can think of more.

Get the kids involved in deciding what they need.

Then hand over the list (don't forget to thank him profusely) and I doubt he'll be in a hurry to do it again.

I wouldn't do that, but from now on I'd always just send them in the clothes on their back and nothing else to change into.

If the oldest is a teenager, us she not choosing her own by now anyway?

PeacefulWaters

What a plonker he is.

Well done on getting rid!

Focus on your kids.

couponqueen123

K9sandFelines wrote: »

Thanks for your reply CQ.I did think of that, but then they'd obviously have to go to his in something . I think as well, because he pays CSA and i get WTC he obviously thinks that's enough to buy two lots of uniform, school shoes, coats, everyday clothes and general stuff ... all the time!!!! When in effect youngest alone has gone through three pairs of school shoes this year, and not cheap ones either. I think he is very deluded. The kids like their clothes, but it is upsetting them constantly being put down. Him and his wife go on about confidence and dressing nicely when you are going out somewhere; but they are gradually chipping away at that.

that something being the things he provide you to send them over in keep them in a draw only one out fit needed as they can go in that and come back in another of his stylish outfits;)

;)csa and wtc isnt a god given right for him to tell you what to spend it on its payed to you to look after your kids not squander on crap just do what yr doing hun a great job

to be spitefull to him why not just ban all contact with you so only by mail can he contact you unless emergency with kids

Buttonmoons

Oh my ex is the same except he said everything I sent her in she couldn't wear or IT DOESNT EVEN MATCH/GO - On what planet does a purple jumper not go with black leggings and purple boots - He's the biggest walking fashion faux paus and has the cheek to tell me she is all mis-matched.
They have just bought her clothes "that go" to keep at his - I don't like their taste very much - Furry leopard print ugg things with leopard print tops - You can never seem to do much right when you are a single person and they've got someone else to join in with the criticisms.

Nadstar

embob74 wrote: »

I'm sorry to say but if you get CSA and WTC then I also think that's enough to buy the clothes they need. Are you saying you can't afford to buy the clothes they need and that your ex does in fact have a point?
Please don't think I excuse his behaviour. My ex used to buy the kids clothes which had to stay at their house for when they visited at the weekend. That seemed to me a bit of a passive-aggressive way of saying they didn't think the clothes I sent the kids in were any good and it was a complete waste of money as they got very little wear out of the clothes at dads house. But it did mean he never said anything to me about the clothes I bought and I didn't have to worry about what clothes they had to take to their dads.
I never got any maintenance and still managed to buy all they needed btw.

WTC, CSA rate maintenance and child benefit is, in my instance, about £75 a week. Sounds like quite a lot, right? Until you realise that my childcare bill alone is £90pw - Meaning that not only am I topping that up, I am paying all living expenses, school trips etc and the many and varied extra curricular activities, and I can assure you that is FAR in excess of £75...

I work flipping hard and contribute far, far more than he does on all levels - Oddly, he is only critical when a new GF has something to say on the matter!

sacha28

iammumtoone wrote: »

But he gets reduction in CAS payments as he has them a certain number of nights throughout the year the reduction is suppose to cover things like this! However I pack my ds off with clothes and I do think it is fairly common to do so.

You would think wouldn't you?! Not so with my OH's ex, the first weekend his dd came to stay she arrived in just the clothes on her back, not even a pair of spare knickers and no warning or discussion. We went out and bought new clothes, some of which she went home in but they never returned. The next weekend was exactly the same. She now lives 400 miles away and is sent down for a week at a time in just the clothes she's wearing. We have had to buy everything from knickers to shoes.

If I'm honest (and ashamed to admit it) I'm not a fan of the clothes she wears down (shiny black 'hello kitty' boots with neon pink fur being my least favourite) but I would NEVER say that to her, or his ex, as it's none of my business. She dresses how she wants to here then goes back in what she arrived in (she's down atm and arrived in a bright pink tracksuit aged 7-8 years, she's 5!!! I'm guessing it's c/o her older sister)

Um......what is a tween??

Brighton_belle

sacha28 wrote: »

Um......what is a tween??

From wiki:
A tween is a person who is between the ages of 10 to 12 years old.[1] The term is often described in popular media as referring to a preadolescent (usually female) who is at the "in-between" stage in their development when they are considered "too old for toys, too young for boys".[

fannyanna

sacha28 wrote: »

If I'm honest (and ashamed to admit it) I'm not a fan of the clothes she wears down (shiny black 'hello kitty' boots with neon pink fur being my least favourite) but I would NEVER say that to her, or his ex, as it's none of my business. She dresses how she wants to here then goes back in what she arrived in (she's down atm and arrived in a bright pink tracksuit aged 7-8 years, she's 5!!! I'm guessing it's c/o her older sister)

Snap.

My Husbands daughter arrives in some of the weirdest clothing. A couple of weeks ago she looked absolutely ridiculous and my Husband quietly mentioned to me that everyone looked twice when they had gone out for a walk.

But, it's not for us to decide what she wears and we certainly wouldn't want to upset her Mother (who buys her clothes) or make his daughter feel awkward about what she wears. Although I have a strong suspicion that it will only be a matter of time before her peers start making comments to her as she is nearing her early teens (and we all know how blunt some teenage girls can be).