Deroragatory comments from ex-husband

K9sandFelines

iammumtoone wrote: »

I feel for you. I have the exact same situation here. I got moaned at (in front of ds) the other day as DS was wearing shoes that weren't clarks! (he always has clarks school shoes but these were just playing out ones - I can't afford clarks for everything )

My reply was if you want him to wear clarks buy him some yourself to which he answered I give you money every month, he has no right to say what I spend that money on, in fact it helps with the mortgage it helps to ensure his son has a roof over his head there is none spare for expensive shoes :mad:

Your children sound like well rounded individuals if they are not bothered just try to ignore him. I have been know to tell my ex if he has a problem with how I am bring up ds to go through the proper channels and inform social services (funny enough he has never done that they would tell him off for wasting their time and he knows it!)

Aren't they irritating!!? He would never say it to my face, he's nice to my face (I suppose he sees that as being diplomatic); although what he does say, is accusatory "what's going on with the kids clothes?" . I feel for you having to put up with this too. You could dress them in the finest clothes, and it wouldn't be good enough.

K9sandFelines

iammumtoone wrote: »

But he gets reduction in CAS payments as he has them a certain number of nights throughout the year the reduction is suppose to cover things like this! However I pack my ds off with clothes and I do think it is fairly common to do so.

He wouldnt entertain that, he thinks that's because of his change of earnings!!

K9sandFelines

theoretica wrote: »

Maybe you want to think about arming your kids and developing their confidence in this area by having a chat with them about fashion obsessions contrasted to classic clothing choices and the environmental consequences of buying lots of short lived clothes.

They already know about this. We don't care for brands and shop anywhere; in contrast to their Dad and his wife!!

iammumtoone

K9sandFelines wrote: »

You could dress them in the finest clothes, and it wouldn't be good enough.

You hit the nail on the head, if it wasn't the clothes it would be something else. Its not really about clothes its just a way of getting at you and trying to exert some control!

All you can do is be the bigger person, my ex slags me off to ds. I never say anything bad to ds about him. Children will realise this and when they look back once they are older they will see the situation for what it is. Your children know you love them, and they also know that expensive clothes are not a sign of love!

Keep strong, brush it off, don't let it get to you and your children will adopt the same attitude.

K9sandFelines

laurel7172 wrote: »

Take a deep breath.

Then raise a nice mug of tea to the fact you're no longer married to this man.

He is a bully, pure and simple, and your children are of an age to notice.

A couple of years ago, my children's father demanded that the children be "properly dressed" to visit their grandfather following their grandmother's death (as if I needed telling!).

So, DD wore a smart black dress, and DS his first ever non-school shirt and tie.

The bully who sired them and his new wife not only did the visit in JEANS, but spent the whole day telling the children how scruffy they were and how they were letting them down!

Simply rise above it. He's a jerk, and if it wasn't this it would be something else.

I agree with everything you say Laurel, aren't they such a catch!! I am well rid, I know this. The kids are getting pig sick of him and his charming wife, as am I.He loves being the big-i-am!

mountainofdebt

But surely your children's confidence is also affected by the way that they see you being affected by your ex's comments as well.

Personally I think the most effect thing you can do is just let him flap his gums and ignore him.....and teach your kids to do the same when he starts on about clothes.

Mojisola

K9sandFelines wrote: »

Throughout the years he has constantly criticised how the kids are being brought up and what they wear; and recently it has started up again every time they go and visit him.

This hurts me a lot as I am always striving to do my best by my kids, they are clean, healthy and generally happy until these type of comments start being made.

I am so fed up of this now, so are my kids; but what can I do.

My family just say to ignore him; but how can i when its constant.

Your family are right. It's the old thing about not being able to change someone else's behaviour but you can change how you react to it.

You sound like a brilliant Mum - the way the kids are reacting to him and their comments show how level-headed they are and they must have learnt that from you.:T

You will be more sensitive to his comments because of your history with him so plan some strategies - either put the phone down when he starts or say "Yes", "No", "Really?" in an emotionless voice when he complains - I'm sure other posters will be able to suggest other ideas.

Whatever you do, don't let him know he's getting to you. If need be, stay really calm on the phone and then punch a cushion to pieces afterwards to get the upset out of your system.

K9sandFelines

iammumtoone wrote: »

You hit the nail on the head, if it wasn't the clothes it would be something else. Its not really about clothes its just a way of getting at you and trying to exert some control!

All you can do is be the bigger person, my ex slags me off to ds. I never say anything bad to ds about him. Children will realise this and when they look back once they are older they will see the situation for what it is. Your children know you love them, and they also know that expensive clothes are not a sign of love!

Keep strong, brush it off, don't let it get to you and your children will adopt the same attitude.

You're right, they are already aware of his behaviour. The just can't get their heads around his wife and her 'it breaks my heart' comments' to see you turn up looking like this'. :mad:

CH27

K9sandFelines wrote: »

I agree with everything you say Laurel, aren't they such a catch!! I am well rid, I know this. The kids are getting pig sick of him and his charming wife, as am I.He loves being the big-i-am!

They will soon start voting with their feet & refusing to go.

K9sandFelines

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But surely your children's confidence is also affected by the way that they see you being affected by your ex's comments as well.

Personally I think the most effect thing you can do is just let him flap his gums and ignore him.....and teach your kids to do the same when he starts on about clothes.

It know doubt is, as nobody likes hearing the parent that predominantly cares for them done down.My eldest does try and ignore him, but then he'll keep on for an answer and say lack of one is them being moody/sultry.They unfortunately can't ignore the fact that they are going to be taken out shopping next week for suitable clothing!!!!