Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

giblet1979

If he drinks a lot, he may have a very high tolerance. This might be an area he really needs to look at, if he's spending a lot of time in the pub etc...

Maybe suggest keeping a spending diary, and then look at how quickly he could overpay debts (with perhaps not massive cutbacks). Hopefully this would spur him on. There is a good calculator on here looking at how much we can mindlessly spend, and what that adds up to in a year. I put coffees (whilst on the road at work) and it added up to over £1000!!!! x

financialdisease

I think the spending diary might work, I will organise one each for us and bring it up on Monday when we have the *official* money talk!

Maybe I can get him to phone step change tomorrow or should he wait until he has all the figures on Monday?

Paypeanuts

Well the first thing he has to do is to stop spending. The £100 every few days has to stop completely.

He mentioned gambling to you. I would be wary of believing that he has actually stopped. I wouldn't be surprised if the £100 every few days is spent on that.

financialdisease

Paypeanuts wrote: »

Well the first thing he has to do is to stop spending. The £100 every few days has to stop completely.

He mentioned gambling to you. I would be wary of believing that he has actually stopped. I wouldn't be surprised if the £100 every few days is spent on that.

Yes this is in my mind but not so much in our conversation, he has admitted to wasting stupid amounts of money in the past how can I know for sure and if it is gambling I feel pretty much stumped like fixing the money part wont achieve anything

eyeopener2

financialdisease wrote: »

Congratulations on your debt free-ness eyeopener2

I think he will really struggle to rein in his spending he thinks nothing of going to the shop everyday before work and buying crips and juice for the office or bringing a a take away or new dvds or books for the kids. He buys around 3/4 newspapers a day I find that crazy since its the same news! The drinking is weird he can be out all day Iike today he never gets drunk only drinks pints of lager says he paces himself how can he spend a fortune if thats the case? I don't drink at all, I really dislike pubs. Today was all free he was at hospitality paid by someone else.

Thank you, it was tough at the start but it becomes a lifestyle.

Right.....yes he will find it tough but there is no cavalry charging over the hill to bail him out. Your not going to win the lottery so you have two options.

Increase your income.

Or stop buying !!!! he doesn't need for starters and then cut your cloth according to need not want.

It is hard, it is difficult but so is letting your family down, so is bankruptcy or losing your job cos you can't afford a car cos your buying alcohol, cakes and gambling.

Think about it.

financialdisease

What do you think of me taking money from my account and the kids account say £1k from each and using it to buy a car? Is that daft? Is that bailing him out when he is being paid to have a car! I HATE the idea of using their money a few years ago I gave him £700 from it to pay off a credit card he used playing roulette I have never got over it!

asparagus1968

I think that may be a good idea if he could lose his job without a car, and you don't want to be borrowing money.
but, make sure the car is registered in your name, you don't want to risk him losing it.

oh, on the SOA, it looks like nothing happens when you press calculate, but do it then scroll down, it will be there ( took me ages to fathom)

hope you sleep better tonight.

wonder what tomorrow will bring?

keep posting, it'll keep you sane just having somewhere to vent

financialdisease

I don't feel so calm now im in bed with big fat wet tears rolling down my face a hard lump in my throat and burning sick in my stomach. I can't stop remembering little things that should have made me notice, times he lied, the times I have used the kids savings for nursery fees because we couldn't afford them and a new boiler when he was being so irresponsible. He didn't tell me about the car allowance for a little while I don't know how long for he said he was saving up.for Christmas he knew didn't need to pay for the car because it was mine a d paid for. I love the kids so much I want to give them everything and he has taken that away from us. Im heart broken here while he is asleep on the couch. I have spent the past 16 or so hours reading about and researching his debt. He told me earlier today he got £1900 bonus this month he wasn't going to tell me just use the money to make payments to the cards. Its getting worse now that I know

giblet1979

Try and stay calm...you are doing all you can at present. What has happened isn't fair on you or the kids and I'm sorry you feel so upset, but you can't change the past, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. You are dealing with the issue, and your husband will have to do the same, taking responsibility, and changing his habits / addictions (seeking professional help if necessary), but it can be done so remain hopeful. Hope you get a good sleep eventually, and feel better (or at least more settled) tomorrow x

financialdisease

Thank you

Its weird I know that I wouldn't be this annoyed if he was awake I would be saying all the right things like we eoll gey through this, I understand why you hid it I love you and blah blah blah because that's the sort of person I am on the outside. Right now I feel like poop the tears have stopped thankfully I really must put this phone down and sleep or I wont be climbing anything tomorrow