Debt Bomb shell dropped on me

financialdisease

guess it must take the £500 he transfers me each month aand the £138 child benefit into account and my savings. I am very reluctant to borrow for him and have said that he should be trying to sort it out of his income and I won't allow it to effect the kids and their hobbies (I currently pay for them).
If he can't get a loan, we can't take the money from the mortgage im not sure what options that leaves him.

asparagus1968

Sorry you have had such a big shock.

I would really, really not be getting loans in your name for him. you have said yourself, you have been together 14 years and didn't have a clue.

You need to keep security for you and child/ren at least.

You can however be supportive and help him sort this out in practical ways such as showing him this site ,giving him numbers of the debt charity, emotional support etc.

But keep your finances separate for goodness sake.

Is there a certain amount the car has to cost?
Could you maybe buy a little runaround( in your name)? sorry I don't know how these things work.

hope he completes the SOA and posts it here, it really would generate more help and advice, and it may help him see it down in black and white.

good luck, hope you sleep better tonight.

asparagus1968

" GIBLET-Your partner needs to be involved and on board however, and may need professional help if the gambling / alcohol is more of a problem than perhaps he is ready or able to admit? He has to take responsibility though, or with the best will in the world, it may continue to happen."


yes, I meant to say this as well, very important to face the cause of all this as well as clean up the debt.

asparagus1968

financialdisease wrote: »

Based on the lending availability score that is used at my bank I have the ability to repay a loan of up to £469 per month, an overdraft of £4k and 2 credit cards are available to me just now, I guess it must take the £500 he transfers me each month aand the £138 child benefit into account and my savings. I am very reluctant to borrow for him and have said that he should be trying to sort it out of his income and I won't allow it to effect the kids and their hobbies (I currently pay for them).
If he can't get a loan, we can't take the money from the mortgage im not sure what options that leaves him.

if you take on a loan, and he doesn't address his alcohol/gambling addictions and they take control of him again ,you could end up in a far worse situation.....

Once he knows the figures, and speaks to a debt charity,they will give him his options.

financialdisease

I don't think the car has to be of a certain value he only uses it sporadically for work previously he used my car bought by me with my savings a few years ago it got scrapped in September because the repair bill was more than the cars worth. He is swaying towards leasing a car a few friends do it, I don't know how it works. The holiday won't be cancelled its not unusual for us to go away without him, we have already been away this year and twice last year he always says its because of work now I know its because of the guilt and debt.



In a selfish way I don't want to give him my money towards the debt, every penny I work for goes to our kids and if I have to shave that back then they are effected by it.

I cant increase my hours at work because of the nursery fees I had to reduce my hours when I went back to try to pay nursery fees they are around £470 a month I get £197 tax credits and £138 child benefit this month I took the remainder out of the house account sometimes I pay sometimes be pays.

financialdisease

Inside I knew me taking a loan is a bad idea, its just an obvious option that is hard to ignore. He doesn't think his credit rating will be that bad because he has never been late or defaulted?

asparagus1968

you are not being selfish ,you are being a good parent, making sure your children are provided for. He is feeling guilty because that isn't how he is behaving, hopefully he really wants to get help and sort all this out.
Nursery fees are a bind, I remember when my DS was little, I earned £60 a day, and nursery was £42 a day!!
When he started school, luckily I reduced my shifts to 9am-3pm and couldn't believe how much better off we were.
Is there scope to jiggle your working pattern at all to reduce childcare? Or, you could see if your or OH company does those childcare vouchers perhaps?
Really feel for you, glad you have your holiday coming.

asparagus1968

financialdisease wrote: »

Inside I knew me taking a loan is a bad idea, its just an obvious option that is hard to ignore. He doesn't think his credit rating will be that bad because he has never been late or defaulted?

(Without sounding rude) is he being as proactive as you in looking into all this? he could start today by doing the soa , looking at his credit ratings, checking through any direct debits /subscriptions etc he could cancel. He could look around his belongings to sell, clothes/ jewellery/old phones/ consoles/dvds etc.
all small steps, but achievable and motivational.

financialdisease

My working hours are very family friendly 9.30-2.30, 4 days a week the problem is I can't get my 3 year old a free nursery place I have tried 7 nurseries in achievable distance from us and they are all full! The private nursery she attends doesn't take council funded places so we loose out on her free hours both sets of grandparents ard still working.

financialdisease

asparagus1968 wrote: »

(Without sounding rude) is he being as proactive as you in looking into all this? he could start today by doing the soa , looking at his credit ratings, checking through any direct debits /subscriptions etc he could cancel. He could look around his belongings to sell, clothes/ jewellery/old phones/ consoles/dvds etc.
all small steps, but achievable and motivational.

Sadly No

He had plans for today he offered to cancel but I said not to, he says all of the log on details to the different banks are in a book in his desk at work so that is the plan for Monday night.