Desperate for baby number 3 but worried about money!

amberfinn53

So I haven't read through this all but going to throw my 2 cents in.

I am 1 of 3, a girl with two older brothers (which I hated and wanted a sister more than anything, but that's a whole other topic!) now I know as an adult that my parents were declared bankrupt when I was younger I think about 7, until I was about 10 they were very very poor, I never knew a thing. I had the perfect childhood, honestly couldn't fault it.

My point to all this is you just have to weigh up what's right for you, you can have a happy family on the bread line, you can also be a millionaire and have a horrid family life, so it really is what is right for you, but as child growing up with parents who were on the breadline for a while, I never even knew!

ciderwithrosie_2

notanewuser wrote: »

What???!!!! I pass out thinking of anything less than a 5 year gap!! I'm not actually sure I want another, but several people around me have accidentally ended up with between 13 and 19 months between theirs and it's 50/50 whether the siblings get on. It's taken a year for one older sibling to even acknowledge they have a little brother!! :rotfl:QUOTE]

I think it was because the oldest two were so close together, there wasn't a time when DS1 remembers being an only child. DS2 also copied everything he saw DS1 doing, so walked at 9 months and took to the potty easily. They liked the same things and I got asked a few times if they were twins. By the time we had DS3 they were aware what was going on and the effect a new baby in the house had on their routine.

I know there are no guarantees that siblings will get on - I actively detested my older brothers growing up and they always left me out and took the mickey out of of everything I did, there's an even smaller age gap between us 3 as well. Since we all matured and left home we get on great.

I also have a dad who disapproved, it took me a while to break it to him that I was pregnant again with DS2 within the same year. When we decided on DS3, instead of me getting back to my career, that was wrong too! However, he's always been a fab grandpa.

Beckyy

There's a massive gap between my brothers and I, and a much smaller gap between them. I don't think it means anything.

Alikay

Logistics can be quite difficult with bigger families with large age gaps. When we had 2 mid/late teens and 2 pre-schoolers (fostered btw, not home-made:D) in the household it could get difficult when the big ones had something on in the evening (cadets, gigs, school performances etc) or an early start. There were times when we had to rely on lifts from other parents and couldn't return the favour for some time, or crossing town with pyjama-clad tots in the car. Depends on your personal circumstances I guess, but my DH works away a lot and we don't have much family support.

Once we had 3 children we rarely had a night out as my parents found babysitting hard being outnumbered by kids, and we always had to host meals and get-togethers as we were too big a mob for other people to accommodate

shop-to-drop

Have you ever considered fostering OP? May satisfy your maternal urges and would provide additional income at the same time. As a childminder you would presumably have the skills and attributes needed.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

cmcavon wrote: »

Hmm yes Errata quite possibly! Children don't actually cost that much, particularly in my line of work, I have everything I need and no need for childcare.

Rubbish. Children are stupidly expensive - and you are considering sacrificing what you can give two for a third. More children means less money and less time per kid. This means you can't afford, either in time or money, to send child one and two to ballet classes/dance classes/horse riding etc or whatever it is they decide to do.

I really hate this attitude, it is wrong , entirely selfish and doesn't take into account the needs of the children you already have.

SkintBrideToBe

CM Cavon, please don't be made to feel bad for yearning for another child. Its difficult when you have that urge for another child but finances are going to be stretched. You are doing the sensible thing by asking for advice and seeing how other families cope.
I think your right to check when your debts will be paid off, and plan ahead.
You don't have to make an decision right this second, but give yourself til the end of the year to realisticly figure out how far your fiances can actually go.
Personally I have 4 children, and me and hubby both work. Things are very difficult, but we always get by. And our children don't go without anything they truly need.
I wish you all the best with whatever you decide

cmcavon

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

Rubbish. Children are stupidly expensive - and you are considering sacrificing what you can give two for a third. More children means less money and less time per kid. This means you can't afford, either in time or money, to send child one and two to ballet classes/dance classes/horse riding etc or whatever it is they decide to do.

I really hate this attitude, it is wrong , entirely selfish and doesn't take into account the needs of the children you already have.

Not that keen on your attitude either. By having a larger family I hope my children will always have someone to turn to. We both work so not sponging. I work from home, both my children now had me home as babies, any future children would have the same.

From what you say no one should have more than one child as subsequent children are a drain on attention etc, so I should never have had my second child? Now that's rubbish!

We've already established I was naive stating children don't cost much, I've accepted that but thanks for your input

cmcavon

SkintBrideToBe wrote: »

CM Cavon, please don't be made to feel bad for yearning for another child. Its difficult when you have that urge for another child but finances are going to be stretched. You are doing the sensible thing by asking for advice and seeing how other families cope.
I think your right to check when your debts will be paid off, and plan ahead.
You don't have to make an decision right this second, but give yourself til the end of the year to realisticly figure out how far your fiances can actually go.
Personally I have 4 children, and me and hubby both work. Things are very difficult, but we always get by. And our children don't go without anything they truly need.
I wish you all the best with whatever you decide

Thank you.

I can imagine it must be expensive with four but I bet you wouldn't change it for a million pounds.

I'm planning on 12 months then re-assess. Day off today so I'm doing a few online things to earn a few pennies which will help chip away and doing a healthy shop as part of my get fit plan. It's about time that got on track too!

DigForVictory

If you want three, and husband & biology cooperate, you'll get three. ("Over 35, overweight" was one mantra warning about unexpected twins - so you might get the 4 (or more, or some very rough decisions) you had an eye on.) Or you might start off well & it all go wrong on you. Have a thoughtful look at the risks too? Although 30-something is a great place to be, children do not come with guarantees. While the parents of families with disabled children are remarkable people, their marriages tend to be either solid as tungsten or to have shattered under the pressure.

There are no fixes for an overbearing dad other than outliving him. If another grandchild is going to sever family ties, that's certainly something to consider. Here's hoping it's bluster. As a "told you so" parent is not the help you need.

Childminding means you already have the expensive tackle, and I've noticed that the self employed are usually so because they really want to do their job. Which means time off on maternity may not be that big a deal. (Plan like all get out though!)

Can I suggest really slogging at battering the debt down say for a year, rather than chipping at it (beastly hard with two children, but no easier with three) and then seeing if nature is minded to agree with your wishes?

You may already be on the best tariffs, shopping judiciously at Lidl & Aldi, whilst milking the promotions from all the big 4, & generally living the MS life, but if you have *any* areas of uncertainty, post an SoA & let the hive mind (may include stings, but loads of honeysaving suggstions) of MSE have a look. The DFW board is not for those of a timorous disposition, but if you can leap in, the water is remarkably supportive.

And as for raising three on the breadline - if you are happy together, that you don't wear brand new stuff goes unnoticed. Oh yes, they get more expensive with time, but also more capable of learning the value of money. I've progammed computers & IF THEN ELSE works as well on a determined teenager as it does on a computer. Given practice.

While debt is an issue, have a thoughtful look at the DFW board. (Ideally before pregnancy hormones leave you feeling a bit fragile.) But we wanted three too, and have no regrets.

All the very best!