Desperate for baby number 3 but worried about money!

marisco_2

Does having a 3rd child have to be a now or never decision? Can you not set yourselves a realistic time frame within which to clear your debts and get financially secure. Then you can enjoy a stress reduced pregnancy and look forward to baby's arrival without worrying over how you would cope.

As for your dad it is about time he recognised you as the grown woman that you are, and stopped being so concerned by your life choices. For you to feel happy and content it is going to entail letting go of your need for approval from him. Your dad doesn't have to live with your choices but you do, so take your time and take this next step when it is right for your family.

cmcavon

Marisco I'm early 30s so it's not desperate I guess but I do feel time ticking away.

I think emotions run so high with decisions like this, getting it down in writing helps to rationalise decisions.

I do all I can now work two self-employed jobs, do surveys etc etc, guess I need to sit down and work out where we old be in 12-18 months time financially and take it from there.

Mojisola

cmcavon wrote: »

Hmm yes Errata quite possibly! Children don't actually cost that much, particularly in my line of work, I have everything I need and no need for childcare.

Presumably, your children are quite young. It's more difficult as they get older - setting aside money for four children to go on school trips, replacing four pairs of shoes at a time, paying for four lots of clubs and other outside school activities, having to pay for a vehicle big enough for six people, and so on.

Buzzybee90

cmcavon wrote: »

How is having a baby the same as buying an expensive car?

I was just implying it would be expensive, initially but having three children in the long run.

cmcavon

Mojisola wrote: »

Presumably, your children are quite young. It's more difficult as they get older - setting aside money for four children to go on school trips, replacing four pairs of shoes at a time, paying for four lots of clubs and other outside school activities, having to pay for a vehicle big enough for six people, and so on.

They're 8 and 5, both currently do two activities each per week, one particularly expensive! And i know as they get older the expenses will only increase. This is one of the big considerations we need to weigh up.

Already have a 7 seater, car seats, high chair etc.

I'm going round in circles in my head.

I think plan of action should probably be...

Pay off debts priority number 1. I know this and don't dispute the importance!
We have a buffer at the min which I want to add to. We have a house we rent out so buffer is really important for repairs, times when property is empty etc.

Re-consider in 12-18 months time. and enjoy what I've got in the meantime

claire21

Can I ask if there's anything that has triggered the urge? You came from a large family, a best friend has just had a baby, now they are at school wanting a baby at home, I guess another question is ; there aren't any problems that you think a baby may be the answer to ? It's been known to happen before so thought I would just ask.

mrcow

We have three children and I have found the third had much more of a financial impact than the second.

Early thirties is a good age as you have time on your side. Personally, I'd look to sort out the finances first and then do it. It is upsetting to wait, but even a year of plowing everything you can into your debts before you try could make a massive difference.

Lara44

That could be a great motivation to clear your debt even earlier

CH27

cmcavon wrote: »

Hmm yes Errata quite possibly! Children don't actually cost that much, particularly in my line of work, I have everything I need and no need for childcare.

Yes mrrcow at the moment we are ploughing everything into paying debts off and I think we will spend the rest of the year doing that before trying.

Mojisola, emotions overule I think when it comes to having children, that's the problem!

They do as they get older. School trips, driving lessons, private tutors if needed, uni help etc are all very expensive.
Can you afford all that for 3?

rach_k

How bad would the financial situation be if you couldn't work at all until the third baby was a year old? If it meant you couldn't afford your usual holidays or you might have to swap to value washing powder but you'd hardly be on the breadline and you could continue making the required repayments on debts, I would go for it. You only get a few years really to have your kids - if you don't do it when you're young enough or when the age gap between kids would be right for your family, it's not something you can change later. A few years of cheap food and clothes, however, is easily forgotten.

If it would mean that you were really on the bread line or debts would get worse, I would wait until you're in a better financial situation.

We had a similar decision - we were in a one bedroom flat with one child and we wanted another with the right age gap. We couldn't sell and move in time to have a bigger house by the time baby number two arrived so it was VERY cosy for the first 6 months of her life, but we did move eventually. Now, we have the kids we want with the right age gap. It was horrible living squished together for 6 months but it's mostly forgotten now. If we'd delayed having the baby, we would now be in a bigger house but the kids wouldn't be the right ages.

I assume that once the third baby is old enough you could go back to working as self-employed so it wouldn't completely wreck any hopes you have of sending the kids to uni if you have a break for a year or two. It depends what you do but I know a lot of mums who work from home and only take a little time out when they have a baby - tricky but possible.