Desperate for baby number 3 but worried about money!

Threebabes

I have 3. The disadvantages are the expense, mine are 18, 14 and 10. the 18 and 14 are particularly expensive. We are wanting to move to a 4 bed house, that's a massive expense so the kids can have their own bedrooms. Lots of things are aimed at a 4 member family rather than a 5. Just got our 18 year old through his driving, which was expensive. Got to do it another 2 times.

Plus side, our number 3 is a delight. Shes fun, loving and entertaining. I certainly would not want to be without her. I don't think you would ever regret having another baby. You can work around just about everything.

Fredula

In your situation, I would pay of the debts first and then make the decision. You may want three but you've incurred debts through whatever means which obviously means you don't have the funds to pay for something. Yes you might have to fight of the maternal urge, but having another child right now whilst you still have debts to pay off may mean you have to take another debt out for whatever reason. Just wait until you've paid the debt, and then you can put whatever repayments you were paying towards you and your increasing family.

cmcavon

We're going to plough everything into getting the debts down over the next 12 months and then make a decision. Things may change in the meantime, hubby's due a big bonus in the summer so that will go towards it.

Gives me time to get a little healthier too.

notanewuser

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

There's 17 months between my oldest two and 3 years and 5 months between DS2 and DS3. Even that amount of age gap was too much really, it just took me longer than I anticipated to get pregnant the third time.

What???!!!! I pass out thinking of anything less than a 5 year gap!! I'm not actually sure I want another, but several people around me have accidentally ended up with between 13 and 19 months between theirs and it's 50/50 whether the siblings get on. It's taken a year for one older sibling to even acknowledge they have a little brother!! :rotfl:

There's almost 18 years between my dad and his next closest sibling. He was pretty much an only child.

notanewuser

What happens if baby number 3 is actually babies 3+4 or 3, 4+5?

Blackpool_Saver

Just do it, life is short, very soon you won't be able to do it, then you will be sorry.....not irresponsible just realistic, life can change overnight and then it's too late

aimeemum

OP - you're asking advice about a baby and how it impacts your finances on a financial advice site, so of course you're going to get the common sense answers. Your head probably knows that sticking with what you've got, clearing the debt you have and enjoying life if what you should do, but we're hard-wired to want babies and it's very difficult indeed to ignore that inner voice.

My advice would be to weigh everything up and then go for it anyway. There is no good time to have a baby....doesn't matter how well you plan, they will come when they want to and usually screw everything up! lol (I speak as a mum of 3 wonderful boys). Mine are all very close together and I'm dreading having 3 teenage boys in the house lol but by then things will have radically changed. You can never tell what the future brings, and you adapt to circumstances.

I happen to have a friend who is a CM. She has just (literally last month) had her 3rd baby. A little girl who arrived on a Friday night. They were still getting the kids in on the Monday morning. She has an 8yo and a 4yo of her own then I happen to know she has 2 other 4yos who attend pre-school 5 days a week whom she takes for wraparound, 2 2yos and a set of 1yo twins. She and her husband work as a team so he was able to take on more of the work while she recovered and they didn't lose any income. It's crazy but it's true.....I told her she was mad!! lol

For my money I would probably sit down and work out the finances. Try to get a true debt clear date so you can see if, as a PP said, you could maybe have that as a deadline. Maybe you could raise some money to clear some money off like have a clear out and sell some things, or forego the holiday abroad and just book a last minute to the seaside.

As for your father, my dad was very against me having babies. I'm the baby of the family and he thought I was growing up too quickly (bear in mind I was 24 when I married and 26 when DS1 arrived!). His exact response was 'and are we happy about this?' when I told him. But, that was his issue. If he wants to miss out on his grandchildren, that's his decision to make. As hard as it is, you have to focus on what's right for you and your family unit. He is irrelevent at best, and is probably a bit upset about that fact. Rise above and it and be careful not to try to get 'approval' for anything. You're an adult....he has no say.

Good luck x

Beckyy

I would like to be in a position where debts were either paid off, or easily manageable after having another child. It would be terrible to ben stressing about not being able to pay off money that you owe whilst trying to settle a new child into the family, look after 2 others and go back to work.

Person_one

What do you think the impact of a third child would be on your existing two?

The world is set up for families of four. Even things that seem minor like hotel rooms, or family passes to attractions can be a real pain. A friend of mine had two close together and then a third after a 6 year gap. She wouldn't change it obviously but says she didn't realise just how big an annoyance and expense those little things can add up to be.

cmcavon

Ok, snowball calculator shows I could have the biggest debt paid off in 38 months! Quite pleased with that!

I'm not too concerned about age gaps between my children, there is four years between the two I have and although they have very different personalities they are best buddies, they both adore having babies around too although I'm not naive to the fact that 8-6 is a bit different to 24/7. Family is important to me and I'm bringing my children up to care for and support each other.

I realise things are geared for families of 4 but that is not reason enough to have another child!

I am trying to be as practical as possible. I worried myself silly when we planned baby number 2.

I struggle with the issues surrounding my Dad, it's completely irrational but he has disapproved of pretty much every decision I've ever made so I should be used to it by now! Time I stopped worrying about that!

I think decision is made to have another, it's just a case of timing now. 12 months seems realistic to pay off the bulk and re-assess.

Blimmin maternal instinct has a lot to answer for!