Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

She's eating junk food in secret. I think she needs a lot more support than the op can give her. A weekly swim won't make any difference until she sorts her attitude to food out.

I think that this is very likely true, BUT, I think support and love and things like spending time together don't stuff ( like a nice walk in the evening) making sure things are equitable at home etc don't HURT. I think things that could make someone feel humiliated, defeated and belittled could, however good intentions are.

Do we all need to take more responsibility? Sure, I agree wholeheartedly with that. I think that's a given whatever the scenario and the situation, that taking responsibility is a good thing that runs pretty short today. I think in this sort of situation op's partner need to take responsibility I for herself and op needs to take responsibility for having made the wrong move in this instance.

ViolaLass

paulineb wrote: »

She's eating junk food in secret. I think she needs a lot more support than the op can give her. A weekly swim won't make any difference until she sorts her attitude to food out.

It might not make a difference to her weight but it might help her feel better about herself, which might then help her with her weight.

BugglyB

I would suggest buying her weekly sessions with a personal trainer.

Choose a young fit, handsome man who has experience of helping middle aged women lose weight, and has good testomonials, and can talk to your wife about her weight loss in an encouraging and understanding way and help her with nutrition and execise plans.

She will look forward to the sessions and you will see results. Just don't be surprised if she loses 6 stone and runs off with one of his weight lifting buddies

paulineb_2

BugglyB wrote: »

If you really want to see a difference I would suggest buying her weekly sessions with a personal trainer.

Choose a young fit, handsome man who has experience of helping middle aged women lose weight, and has good testomonials, and can talk to your wife about her weight loss in an encouraging and understanding way and help her with nutrition and execise plans.

She will look forward to the sessions and you will see results. Just don't be surprised if she loses 6 stone and runs off with one of his weight lifting buddies

Did the OP say his wife was middle aged? The personal trainers I know help people of both sexes and all ages lose weight.

But if they cant afford a PT, just going to classes at the gym would help. Ive lost almost 3 stones in a year by just doing classes and lifting weights and tweaking my diet.

Saying that someone will look forward to the sessions, you dont know that. Some people wouldnt want to get a PT session in a million years, not for them.

The PT doesnt need to be young, fit and handsome either. You make some good points, wrapped up in patronising nonsense.

Gra76

Don't worry, I hadn't gone anywhere, I've just been reading from afar.

I had a sit down with her last night and told her I wouldn't mention anything more to do with weight loss ideas. She told me that wasn't what she wanted and that she needed me to help her get the weight off as she's got no willpower (by her own admission) and she says she needs me to push her to do it.

She tried to order takeaways on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings but changed her mind after I said it wasn't going to help with any kind of weight loss. I said that we should only be having takeaway one night a week and only as a treat. We've agreed that it'll be either a Friday or Saturday night. I thought that was a bit of a breakthrough so we'll see how that goes. I've suggested that if she wants something a little better and it has to be a takeaway then a chicken kebab (the chicken is grilled) without the sauces is a good place to start. I read somewhere that it's one of the 'better' takeaways you can have and to be fair the local takeaways chicken kebabs are very good.

I caught her red-handed scoffing from her secret stash of biscuits on Sunday and asked her why she felt she had to do it. She said she did it because she was stressed out. It seems after further discussion as to why she was stressed out that the kids are a major trigger for her eating. If they behave well then there's no issues, if they misbehave she heads straight for her secret stash of biscuits/chocolate bars. Before the question arises, I look after the kids a lot of the time, but she has them on her own on Tuesdays and Thursdays when she's off work. I think these 2 days are 'problem days' for her eating chocolate/biscuits etc. They'd been argueing with each other on Sunday morning so that must have been a trigger.

I've told her I want to do more things outdoors (walks etc) and she seemed ok about it but has since started trying to bring up excuses as to why she maybe can't do them, none of which were very compelling it has to be said. This weekend being a 4-day weekend should be good for getting out at least a couple of times so I'll be trying to organise things to do that involve a bit of physical exertion I think. I've got a few places in mind that'd be nice to visit if the weather stays decent.

maman

Good, measured post gra.


I agree with most other posters that the 'swimsuit' experiment wasn't a good idea but she does seem like she genuinely wants some sort of help losing weight. I appreciate that you're willing to help. That's good but she has to want to help herself too.


I'd suggest you sit down together and write a meal plan and shopping list for the coming week. There's a good one on the Slimming World site that's full of healthy, filling ideas.


Meanwhile, she really doesn't need a stash of biscuits and chocolates. I'm sorry she finds the children kicking off stressful but their behaviour won't improve by eating! Perhaps a walk round the block might help her instead.


I wish you luck (both of you).

dktreesea

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Barring any illness, conditions, physcological issues, which of course obviously do exist for some overweight people, I do think the majority of people do need a good dose of Will power and to stop making excuses.

I don't know if I would class people as lazy or greedy, that's quite harsh, and I know it isn't easy, but I would say that the majority don't really do anything to help themselves. Now that might sound harsh, but IMO it's truthful. How many overweight people can truthfully say that when they decided to try and lose weight that they gave it their all? They try for a few days, a week or two maybe, and then gradually the 'bad foods' creep back in, and then the excuses come, I know, because I've been there myself, albeit with a different addiction. Yes, there have been plenty of success stories, but that is through a lot of hard work, a lifestyle change, and a determination to want to do something about their weight and health.

I've seen it time and time again, my husband being a prime example. I've lost count of the amount of 'diets' he has been on....to watch someone slowly getting bigger and bigger, and potentionally killing themselves with food is heartbreaking. I've heard every excuse in the book, "after Easter" is the latest one....

People who are overweight and dieting have way too high expectations, imho, about how much weight it is reasonable to expect to lose over time.

If someone goes away for ten days, binges like mad and puts on a stone, then sure, I expect them to only need to cut back for a month or two to get it all off again. But most people put on weight very slowly over time, sometimes no more than 50gms or 100gms a week, if that.

If they would just stop dieting and cut back a little bit, maybe a couple of bars of chocolate a week, or just up the exercise slightly, to a couple of walks of 20 minutes or so a week, they would still see results over time. Clothes would start to fit a bit better, they would just automatically start to feel/look a bit healthier, without forcing anything.

Calorie counting, and dieting in general, is boring. So is(imho:)) going to a gym. Life's way too short to turn a pleasurable thing like eating into a boring, miserable experience.

Primrose

Yes it's the little things that over time can make a difference. If she's a regular TV viewer, why not use the wasted time when the adverts come on to do some squats or marching on the spot exercises for a few moments. Do the exercises with her. Changing exercise habits in small ways like this can gradually help veer a mindset towards more daily activity and as the saying goes, "every Little Helps"!

ecgirl07

I'm another advocate of

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

the database is amazing and it is very easy to. You can load in your own recipes and it works out the cals per portion. Any exercise can be added too. It is very good for tracking food intake.

We've been home cooking and healthy eating since January ive lost 22lbs or so eating to 1200 cals a day.We have a Chinese take away on a friday night but have found we half it and its plenty. Im having driving lessons at the weekends so that has kept me off booze which has helped massively too.

Gra76 - you've had a hard time on here but I think you are going about it the right way - you are in a "cant win" situation but good luck to you and your OH.

BugglyB

paulineb wrote: »

Did the OP say his wife was middle aged? The personal trainers I know help people of both sexes and all ages lose weight.

But if they cant afford a PT, just going to classes at the gym would help. Ive lost almost 3 stones in a year by just doing classes and lifting weights and tweaking my diet.

Saying that someone will look forward to the sessions, you dont know that. Some people wouldnt want to get a PT session in a million years, not for them.

The PT doesnt need to be young, fit and handsome either. You make some good points, wrapped up in patronising nonsense.

I'm sorry Pauline, my post was supposed to be totally tongue in cheek, it doesnt come across so well in text does it?

Well done on your weight loss I agree that gym classes are a good way to go, you burn a lot more calories and see a bigger differnce in an hour a week than you would by doing a few hours walking or swimming. I also lift weights and find it fun.