At Breaking Point - Why wont he grow up and stop spending?!

Danni-R

GingerFurball wrote: »

Hang on, the OP's husband is being rightly criticised, but the OP also wants things she can't afford.

Ehh?

I thought the OP was fairly sensible. Seems like the only thing she cant afford is her OH.....

TeamMCS

Hmm, this all sounds rather worrying. How was he able to get your pin number once you changed it?

It could be worth moving to an electron type card and actually cancelling any Visa or credit backed cards (just report them lost and don't request a replacement)

I'm actually amazed he stole your money. That has the whiff of addiction and if it isn't that's a firing offence!

[edit]
Consider setting up a silent savings account which only you know about. Just start building up a modest rainy day fund. It may be a push whilst paying off the debt but there's something to be said for immediately accessible fluid cash.

Foreverdreaming2014

countrygirl1 wrote: »

Hello suseka,

I literally feel like I have aged 30 years and I'm a shell of the person I used to be as he is a cause of so much stress on a daily basis.

This really stood out to me. If your oh doesn't change his ways drastically, you need to leave this toxic relationship before you lose yourself completely. You deserve so much better than this, both for yourself and your beautiful little girl.

Wishing you so much luck for your future xx

countrygirl1

Hello, and thank you all for your messages. I stayed off the forum for a few days and took some time to think things through, and take on board the support and advice I have received here. Thank you all for taking the time to comment, I have sat and read every one over a few times.

Since I last wrote on here I had somewhat of a melt-down. And did a lot of self searching. The only borrowed money that was ever for anything I had my heart set on was the loft conversion so we had the space at home to adopt a child, and at the time, the repayments on that were affordable and something I was willing to pay back over 7 years. However, I've had that dream ripped from beneath me and the money has been wasted by my OH. Literally every ounce of debt has been for him and I have NOTHING to show for it. Plus he's worsened the debt since then. I'm actually angry now, and feel completely steamrollered. We had a MASSIVE showdown last weekend and I sobbed for a whole afternoon...

Since then he has
1) upped the amount of money he sends into the account that pays our bills each week, so that I can send a bit extra across to pay off CC debt.
2) Signed himself up for overtime at work so that he can earn some extra lump sums to pay things off
3) Written up a big chart of debt he owes - dating back to when we were courting - and stuck it to the kitchen wall. He said he intends on paying back everything he has ever had off me.

Seeing that chart was a huge wake-up call for me. I've been taken for a mug and even though he is making an effort now I almost feel it's too little too late. Nonetheless, I will give him some time and see how hard he works at paying things off. He is my husband after all.

In the interim, I have begun separating everything financially, with the aim that he just wires money across to the account that serves our monthly outgoings, and gives me money each month that I can use to start paying the debts off. I have also started the ball rolling with looking into a PPI claim through some of the tips here on MSE....long shot but worth a go I thought.

I'm scraping myself off the floor and putting a SOA together too, which I'll post on here soon.

Thanks again. x

Money_maker

So sorry for you countrygirl. The bit about stealing your cards would have finished it off for me, though.

Do you know how much he earns? Are you receiving most of it to pay off his debts which are in your name?

Danni-R

Dear Country Girl,

Thank you for coming back and letting us know.

It does sound like he is taking it seriously so maybe see how the next few months pan out. It could be the wake up call he needed as well?

I hope things improve and that when you can, you are able to welcome a child into your home.

rockm87

good girl. stay strong.

make sure this isnt just an empty gesture. take no excuses. if he messes up this effort, make sure that is the final straw!

heartbreak_star

Thank you for the update countrygirl. Stay strong and keep us posted!

HBS x

NHS_worker_bee

Well done. I have had success with PPI refunds in the past (Barclaycard) and am now trying to claim it back on a loan. Send off your claim by recorded delivery and then try to put it to the back of your mind, I hope you will have a pleasant surprise and get a refund like I did. Good luck.

countrygirl1

So nervous, ok here goes! A joint SOA for my husband and I. Please be kind!!!

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 820
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1600
Benefits................................ 80
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2500

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 324
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 222.08
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 131
Electricity............................. 45
Gas..................................... 40
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 31
Telephone (land line)................... 20
Mobile phone............................ 80
TV Licence.............................. 12.12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 20
Internet Services....................... 20
Groceries etc. ......................... 280
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 160
Road tax................................ 36.66
Car Insurance........................... 97.58
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 10
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 96
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 9.89
Life assurance ......................... 21.7
Other insurance......................... 33.39
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Daughter's Gymnastics Class............. 19.4
Overdraft fees.......................... 95
Sofas (bought on finance)............... 40
Total monthly expenses.................. 1844.82


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 175000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 7000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 182000


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 54893.2..(324)......3.99
Total secured & HP debts...... 54893.2...-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Credit Card....................2104.11...60........23.95
Overdraft......................2388.96...80........0
Overdraft......................936.21....15........0
20,000 Loan....................16280.....357.......13.1
Total unsecured debts..........21709.28..512.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,500
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,844.82
Available for debt repayments........... 655.18
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 512
Amount left after debt repayments....... 143.18

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 182,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -54,893.2
Total Unsecured debt.................... -21,709.28
Net Assets.............................. 105,397.52

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.stoozing.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.