Visiting Graves

coolcait

CH27 wrote: »

Have you been to see mum?
My family wouldn't ask that, to be fair, as they know that it's not something I do as a rule.

Mum had no flowers.
My family might make a comment like that, but it's usually a reference to the fact that the local cemetery is very exposed to the great Scottish gales, and flowers don't always survive!

Mum's headstone was all dirty.
As above - it's amazing how much muck gets carried in gale-driven rain.

The graveyard was very busy etc etc
An observation. Like 'the supermarket was very busy'

I don't generally visit graves. Other members of my family do, however - regularly.

They will often make comments about what they found when they visited. I treat the comments as conversation, rather than an attempt to guilt trip me into going too. Hence my comments in blue, above.

They will usually mention that they're planning to go to the cemetery on such and such a day. Very occasionally, I will say that I'd like to come along too.

However, I never feel 'guilted' into going. Perhaps because I don't feel guilty about the fact that I generally don't do it?

wik

My grandparents were all cremated, as was my darling mum, so we dont have any graves to visit, I do go and sit in our garden room - where mums ashes are kept - to chat to her sometimes. She is there until the sad day dad joins her - then they are off to a fave place of theirs

There is one special grave I make a point of visiting each summer - its a rather special one - the father of a dear friend - and someone who was very influential to me. He was a farmer and a keen fisherman, and his grave overlooks his farm and the bay that he would fish in. I take a walk up the hill to pass the time of day with him, and let him know what we are all up to...

Toto

My Mother, aunt and grand parents were all cremated and their ashes buried in the plots next door to each other. The church is 120 miles away so not somewhere I go anything like regularly. It is a beautiful place, looking out over the sea, the cliff is getting ever closer so one day they will be taken out to sea.


I was last there in the summer last year but I have got to the point where I go for a few moments, look at the graves and wonder what I'm supposed to do or say next. I don't think I'll make many more special trips up there, they just aren't there and it feels a bit empty looking at a couple of headstones. I talk to them all the time so don't feel I need to go anywhere special to do that.


I did decide to stop driving past the house when I go up there. I don't know why I did it because it's just horrible seeing the place become more and more changed. I still see it as our family home with our memories, so seeing someone else there almost feels as if they are trespassing in my life.

rainbowfairydust

my brother passed away in June 2012 (age 25).. He is buried on the Isle Of Man close to my parents house & i am in Sheffield so whenever i go for a visit i always stop for a visit at his grave & take some flowers along with me.

This is something that i like to do - its not expected of me. I couldnt visit my parents/sister & other family and not go to his grave because he is still my family whether that be dead or alive. Not going would make me feel uncomfortable.

I tend not to cry when i visit his grave ( unless its TOTM when i shed buckets ) - my parents still do though. They dont expect me or my sister to cry however. I think it should be up to the person concerned if they want to visit a grave, and when.